Listen to Learn, Not to Be Polite
Listen from a place of curiosity, not generosity. True dialogue does not happen when we pretend to listen, and it certainly cannot happen if we are not listening at all.
If you ever finish a conversation and learned nothing surprising, you weren’t truly listening.
MORE IDEAS FROM THE ARTICLE
Really listen to what someone else is trying to say.
We need information that is disconfirming, not confirming.
Ask more questions than you give answers.
When you ask questions, you create a safe space for other people to give you an unvarnished truth.
Pay attention to your talk/listen ratio.
Strive for a 2:1 ratio of listening to talking.
Implement a process called active listening. Repeat back to the speaker what you heard.
If the speaker agrees that what you heard is what he or she intended to say, you can move on. If not, the speaker needs to reword their statement until the listener really does understand.
Actually wait until someone is done talking before you respond.
The most difficult component of listening effectively is waiting for a period at the end of a sentence before formulating a reply.Â
RELATED IDEAS
- Asking great questions;
- Playing attention to the nonverbal communication;
- Forgoing taking detailed notes to pay better attention;
- Listening with the intent to understand, not the intent to respond;
- Making people feel heard;
- Following up on what matters.
When you’re in conversation, set your mind to being present, receptive, and ready to listen with compassion.Â
Bring yourself into the moment with a few deep breaths and ask yourself: What is this person communicating beyond the words they use?Â
We come into conversations with our own agendas and low attention spans, and that can be a dangerous combination.
When you’re doing the talking, though, it’s frustrating if you’re not being heard.Â