You have a strong habit of putting others’ needs ahead of your own, thinking it is selfish to do otherwise.

Putting Others First

You smile, nod, and are very agreeable with others (regardless of your actual opinions on the subject).

Overly Agreeable

During an interaction, you experience self-consciousness and doubt about how you are coming across. You imagine you should be someone “better” than you are. Afterwards, you replay the interaction in your mind and find all the things you did wrong, ways you may have upset the other person, and things you should have said.

Conversational Replays

You’re quick to apologize out of habit, even for minor transgressions, like starting to speak at the same time as someone else.

Habitual Apologies

You have difficulty ending things, from conversations to friendships to romantic relationships. As a result, you may drag things out longer than you really want to.

Difficulty with Endings

You avoid saying no to others. You fear they will become upset or think you’re a bad person, so you usually say yes, even if it adds more stress to your life.

Avoiding No

You often wait for the “right thing” to say (and thus speak way less than you normally do).

Hesitation

You’re often afraid that others are secretly angry or critical of you, even though they seem to like you when you’re together. This can lead to a constant background unease that you may have “done something wrong” that someone is upset about.

Fear of Upset

You rarely state what you want directly. Instead, you may suggest or imply something and hope the other person detects it. You often question your desires and think they might be either too much or not worth asking for.

Not Stating Desires

You’re quick to laugh at whatever another person says, even if it’s not that funny. Your laugh might come too quickly, too often, or at inappropriate times.

Nervous Laughter

You feel pressure to have something great to share, such as a funny or highly engaging story about an adventure you’ve had.

Pressure to Entertain

You avoid disagreeing with others, challenging others, or stating alternative perspectives.

Avoiding Disagreement

You’re afraid of the judgments of others (which can lead to nervousness, hesitation, over-thinking, and social anxiety).

Fear of Judgement

You demonstrate submissive body language, such as looking away frequently or keeping your eyes down.

Submissive Body Language

You try to fit in to groups by pretending to be interested in things you are not, or exaggerating about your experiences, wealth, or achievements. All submission to peer pressure is approval seeking.

Attempting to Impress

Out of 10, how many of these behaviors do you exhibit? They signal that you seek the approval and validation of others. We also explain how you can stop.

Putting Others First

Similar ideas to Putting Others First

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Selfish vs. selfless action

Praise And Compliment Others