Projection is a psychological term for how we tend to put our own issues onto other people.Often the thing that frustrates us the most about other people is indicative of a part of us we haven't accepted yet.

Work on Your Projections

First, find your projections by making a list of how you judge someone else. Don't sugarcoat or overexplain: "I judge [person] as [judgement]."

Find your projections

Take a deep look at how that judgement applies to you. Say to yourself: "I can see and accept that I can be [judgement] too, and that's okay."

Transfer the judgement to yourself

Set intentions going forward that you will accept this part of yourself but also take steps to make healthier choices that are grounded in self-compassion and respect.

Set new intentions

You Don't Owe Anyone is for perfectionists, workaholics, people pleasers, and strivers who feel stuck in the try-hard cycle. Sharing her experiences as a life coach and recovering perfectionist, Caroline Garnet McGraw shows us how we can free ourselves from the weight of expectations and encourages us to move our lives forward without apology. Inspired by the author's viral essay "You Don't Owe Anyone an Interaction," this book invites us to make surprising choices that can help us get unstuck. Rather than offering more ways to effect change through sheer effort, these personal stories serve as a compassionate witness, a reflection of our own perfectionistic tendencies. They also are a wakeup call jolting us out of our martyr mentality and inspiring us to move in new, positive directions. Through simple, accessible coaching practices, You Don't Owe Anyone shows us what it looks like to refuse to over-function in the old ways. It invites us to make the same surprising choices that have helped McGraw and her clients move past perfectionism, empowering us to quiet our fears and heal our hearts.

projections

You Don't Owe Anyone

<ul><li>​You want the "honeymoon" to last forever</li><li>You try to please your partner and have their needs met all the time</li><li>After a fight, you are worried that they will change their mind about you or that the relationship is falling apart</li><li>You view conflict as a failure</li><li>You work really hard to make the relationship work</li><li>You place a lot of expectations on yourself and you exhaust yourself trying to meet them</li><li>You are hyper-vigilant, always looking for mistakes</li><li>You overanalyse the significance of small setbacks in your relationship</li><li>You have a lot of rules and theories on "how to be a perfect partner"</li></ul>

Perfectionism Test

Consider how it’s affecting your own happiness or preventing you from reaching your goals.

Recognize the costs of perfectionism

Among the benefits are increased self-confidence and getting more enjoyment out of life.

Learn the benefits of imperfection

You may be fearful of what would happen if you did not set such high standards. This is part of the all-or-none thinking in perfectionism. It is highly doubtful that your behavior would shift to the other extreme of being sloppy or lazy if you stopped being a perfectionist, although this is a common fear.

Recognize the fears behind perfectionism

A self-compassionate person can allow themselves to make a mistake and learn from it, rather than self-criticize. If you do recall trauma in your early life, know that your perfectionism is likely one result of that trauma. Journal your negative self-talk and correct them with more compassionate and realistic statements.

Practice self compassion

A good-enough outcome gets the job done, which is often more important than getting it done perfectly.

Start focusing on being "good enough

How to recognize it and what to do about it.

perfectionism

How to Cope with Perfectionism When It Harms You and Your Relationships

When it comes to privacy and accountability, people always demand the former for themselves and the latter for everyone else.

Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.

To be accountable means that we are willing to be responsible to another person for our behavior and it implies a level of submission to another's opinions and viewpoints.

Accountability - Wikipedia

Notice that moment of internal resistance. It could come as irritation, impatience, or some other internal feeling of: Hey, I don’t like that.

Step 1: I Don’t Like It

The next step is to tune into that internal resistance and get curious. Ask yourself: What’s happening here? Why am I upset? And, most importantly: What do I want to be different?

Step 2: What Do I Want?

It’s OK to feel upset inside, but if you charge at them with accusations and hostility, the most natural reaction in the world is going to be defensiveness and fighting back. Instead, you can simply point out what you noticed to enter the conversation. The purpose is to bring up the challenging topic directly in a curious and neutral way. Using the phrase “I notice” removes an accusatory tone and allows the other person to be more receptive.

Step 3: I Noticed…

As you are exploring the situation with the other person, slow down and pay attention. As you listen, reflect on what you are hearing to make sure you understand it clearly.

Step 4: Reflect

It's essential to share the impact of their behavior on you, and your reactions. Tell the other person what happens inside of you when they do X, Y, or Z. Just like with the previous steps, avoid using blaming language that makes the other person bad or wrong.

Step 5: Impact

Once you’ve stated the impact, you then move on to sharing what you actually want. Since you discovered this in Step 2, it will be a breeze to simply share it out loud.

Step 6: Desire

After stating what you want, follow up with questions to see if that works for them. This fully engages them in deciding a solution so they will take ownership and feel inspired to follow the new plan.

Step 7: Powerful Agreement

confidence

7 Steps of Handling Difficult Conversations

Circumstances don't make the man; they only reveal him to himself.

To improve you must be content with being thought foolish and stupid.

Do not want for things to happen as you wish, but wish them to happen as they do happen, and all will be well with you.

Epictetus

You avoid saying no to others. You fear they will become upset or think you’re a bad person, so you usually say yes, even if it adds more stress to your life.

Avoiding No

You often wait for the “right thing” to say (and thus speak way less than you normally do).

Hesitation

You’re quick to laugh at whatever another person says, even if it’s not that funny. Your laugh might come too quickly, too often, or at inappropriate times.

Nervous Laughter

You have difficulty ending things, from conversations to friendships to romantic relationships. As a result, you may drag things out longer than you really want to.

Difficulty with Endings

You smile, nod, and are very agreeable with others (regardless of your actual opinions on the subject).

Overly Agreeable

You avoid disagreeing with others, challenging others, or stating alternative perspectives.

Avoiding Disagreement

You’re afraid of the judgments of others (which can lead to nervousness, hesitation, over-thinking, and social anxiety).

Fear of Judgement

You’re often afraid that others are secretly angry or critical of you, even though they seem to like you when you’re together. This can lead to a constant background unease that you may have “done something wrong” that someone is upset about.

Fear of Upset

You feel pressure to have something great to share, such as a funny or highly engaging story about an adventure you’ve had.

Pressure to Entertain

During an interaction, you experience self-consciousness and doubt about how you are coming across. You imagine you should be someone “better” than you are. Afterwards, you replay the interaction in your mind and find all the things you did wrong, ways you may have upset the other person, and things you should have said.

Conversational Replays

You’re quick to apologize out of habit, even for minor transgressions, like starting to speak at the same time as someone else.

Habitual Apologies

You demonstrate submissive body language, such as looking away frequently or keeping your eyes down.

Submissive Body Language

You have a strong habit of putting others’ needs ahead of your own, thinking it is selfish to do otherwise.

Putting Others First

You rarely state what you want directly. Instead, you may suggest or imply something and hope the other person detects it. You often question your desires and think they might be either too much or not worth asking for.

Not Stating Desires

You try to fit in to groups by pretending to be interested in things you are not, or exaggerating about your experiences, wealth, or achievements. All submission to peer pressure is approval seeking.

Attempting to Impress

Out of 10, how many of these behaviors do you exhibit? They signal that you seek the approval and validation of others. We also explain how you can stop.

approval seeking

15 Types Of Approval-Seeking Behavior

Not, “I’m sorry, but . . .”, just plain ol’ “I’m sorry.”

1. Say you're sorry

It’s important to show the other person that you’re willing to take responsibility for your actions.

2. Own the mistake

The wronged person needs to know that you understand what happened and why it was hurtful to them. Make sure you remain focused on your role rather than deflecting the blame.

3. Describe what happened

Let the wronged person know how you intend to fix the situation.

4. Have a plan

It takes a big person to own up to being wrong.

5. Admit you were wrong

A little vulnerability goes a long way toward proving that you mean what you say.

6. Ask for forgiveness

If you want to succeed at apologizing, start by telling yourself you’re awesome. Then read this post on how to apologize in the best way possible.

apologizing

How to Apologize…

Instead of wasting time worrying about the things other people have, start focusing on what's really important to you and your life.

Once you adopt the mindset of "I am unwilling," you will no longer be filled with guilt, resentment, and regret every time you see something you think you "want."

Sometimes declaring your unwillingness can be just as powerful as declaring willingness.

Joining the ranks of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, You Are a Badas*, and F*ck Feelings comes this refreshing, BS-free, self-empowerment guide that offers an honest, no-nonsense, tough-love approach to help you move past self-imposed limitations. Are you tired of feeling fu*ked up? If you are, Gary John Bishop has the answer. In this straightforward handbook, he gives you the tools and advice you need to demolish the slag weighing you down and become the truly unfu*ked version of yourself. ''Wake up to the miracle you are,'' he directs. ''Here's what you've forgotten: You're a fu*king miracle of being.'' It isn't other people that are standing in your way, it isn't even your circumstances that are blocking your ability to thrive, it's yourself and the negative self-talk you keep telling yourself. In Unfu*k Yourself, Bishop leads you through a series of seven assertions: I am willing. I am wired to win. I got this. I embrace the uncertainty. I am not my thoughts; I am what I do. I am relentless. I expect nothing and accept everything. Lead the life you were meant to have—Unfu*k Yourself.

willingness

Unfu*k Yourself

You are not responsible for other people’s feelings.

When we’re trying to be nice, please others, and be a “good person” who everyone likes, we end up becoming way more self- absorbed.

Once we’ve let go of taking responsibility for others’ feelings, it frees us up to focus on them and really give them what we can in the moment.

Are You Too Nice?If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say "no" to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness.In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold, expressive, authentic version of you. You'll discover how to: => Easily say "no" when you want to and need to.=> Confidently and effectively ask for what you want.=> Speak up more freely in all your relationships.=> Eliminate feelings of guilt, anxiety, and worry about what others will think.

You Don't Owe Anyone

How to Cope with Perfectionism When It Harms You and Your Relationships

Accountability - Wikipedia

7 Steps of Handling Difficult Conversations

Epictetus

ian .