It’s healthy to have regular time with your friends without your partner. A little time apart also creates mystique and plays into that tried but true adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
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Codependency in relationships means being overly preoccupied with your partner to the point of losing your own sense of who you are and what you need.
Partners in an interdependent or secure relationship put the relationship first. Not their partner.
The key to making your relationship more interdependent is to take stock of your life. Find purpose and meaning outside of your relationship.
Not only will it make you happier and better as a person, but it may also improve intimacy and passion in your relationship.
A weekly check-in of pure honesty (i.e. this is where I am at, this is what I feel, and this is what actually bothers me) is a great way to keep lines of communication open and cultivate an interdependent relationship.
One way to make your relationship more equal and interdependent is to make sure there is a healthy communication channel between the two of you.
Good communication rules to keep in mind include actively listening while the other is speaking, no interrupting, and listening first without making any judgements.
You must have a conversation with your partner if both of you are engaging in codependent behaviors.
You will need a little self-awareness on your part to realize if it is a lack of trust in your partner, yourself, or a combination of both. Deeper conversations should reassure you or your partner that your relationship is going to be OK.
If your partner is codependent, be patient with them.
Interdependence is usually a process of breaking with previous experiences (of being let down) and expectations (of being unfulfilled) in relationships.
Sometimes turning a codependent relationship into a more interdependent one isn't as easy. For some, deeper issues can be the reason behind why they feel like they can't do or be anything without their partner.
Therapy can be a helpful tool in working through the origin of codependency issues and addressing issues of attachment.
Being dependent on another person can be unhealthy. Independence, taken to an extreme, can actually get in the way of us being able to connect emotionally with others in a meaningful way.
Interdependence suggests that partners recognize and value the importance of the emotional bond they share while maintaining a solid sense of self within the relationship dynamic.
The traditional definition of codependency focuses on control, nurturing, and maintenance of relationships with individuals who are chemically dependent or engaging in undesirable behaviors, such as narcissism.
A classic codependency model is an alcoholic husband and his enabling wife.
If you find it difficult to share your past experiences, ask yourself why you are reluctant to open up. Getting to the root of the reluctance is key.