The foolproof way to fix a broken heart, according to a psychologist
Being in love is like being hooked on a drug - and breaking up is similar to addiction withdrawal.
Understanding why the break up happened is necessary before we can move on from a breakup. It allows us to stamp out any hopes for reconciliation and move forward with our lives.
This is a professional note extracted from an online article.
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When we are stalking our exes on social media, we will find something we don’t want to see. But the subsequent feel of your heart dropping and the jealousy aren’t conducive to getting over your heartbreak.
Burn all cyber-bridges - limiting your access to your ex will automatically make you feel better.
The emotional pain of a breakup often results in your body pumping itself full of cortisol, which suppresses the immune system and affects coping mechanisms.
The first step in fixing the problem is understanding that it is normal, according. So if the littlest things are making you cry, take a moment to recognize that it is most likely caused by your body's response to the breakup.
While it is normal to wonder, “What did I do wrong?” giving in to negative thoughts can sabotage our efforts at mending our broken hearts.
If two different people, other than our close family, make the same point post-relationship but we still have a difficult time accepting it, we need to consider that they are most likely telling the truth.
Looking back on a relationship in hindsight, it is easy for our minds to trick us into remembering the relationship as much better than it really was.
Force yourself to remember the flaws in the relationship too.
... where memories of happier times still linger may sound appealing, but it can only make the heartbreak worse in the long run.
Rather, we need to “cleanse” our associations with these places by reclaiming them - make new memories, take other friends, or celebrate an occasion.
In order to move on, we need to reconnect to who we were before the relationship.
Do not let your heartbreak define you. Remember the things you love, and do them. And if they were activities you loved to do together, continue to do them anyway.
The variable that has been found to predict healthier and quicker adjustment to heartbreak is finding a new partner.
It may feel wrong, but going on dates with a new person can boost our fragile self-esteem and remind us that there are other fish in the sea.
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When people experience breakups they go through the ‘protest’ phase initially, and the rejected lover becomes obsessed with winning back the person who has quit the relationship.
Rejection, paradoxically, makes the rejected person love the partner even more. This is called a ‘Frustration Attraction’, and can be categorized as an addiction.
The rejected lover experiences high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, and are visibly stressed out. These chemical reactions trigger many to do crazy things to win their ex back. Such feelings are erased quickly if the lover starts dating a new partner.
Some people also feel increasingly passionate and loving after the breakup and are more likely to forgive their ex.
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