Nayami sōdan is practised by Japanese Buddhist priests in community-facing temples throughout the countryside. Nayami means grievance or complaint, and sōdan means consultation or discussion with the desire to receive advice. The typical flow of nayami sōdan is casual greetings, some light refreshments, small talk, a revealing, one-sided venting of frustrations, understanding of the other party, more small talk, and final goodbyes.

The passive form of mediation

Nayami sōdan are successful because they are attuned to the realities of human relationships.  <ul><li>Human emotions fluctuate and opinions change. Nayami sōdan creates the space for people to express their inconsistent and dissonant experiences about human relationships.</li><li>People prefer to get along, but close-knit relationships breed tensions. Nayami sōdan provides a less confrontational means of addressing the conflict.</li><li>Community solutions solve community problems.</li><li>Business relationships form complex constellations of interdependent relationships that can be highly charged.</li></ul>

Nayami sōdan can facilitate employee experience management

Many employees are reluctant to talk to HR representatives or leaders about their experiences because they worry that candid conversations will lead to confrontations.  Employees often express a desire to maintain harmony as they don't feel comfortable with conflict. An indirect intervention can help to resolve internal strife.

In defence of indirectness

The nayami sōdan works off the premise that effective conflict management does not need to be direct. However, the fear of confrontation can cause individuals to downplay or deny their experience. An individual can passively create organizational change without bringing conflict to a pitch.

Passive intervention

<ol><li>Create a space for employees to drop in and talk.</li><li>Make use of remote meetings.</li><li>Practice active listening. People sometimes need to blow off steam.</li><li>Empower employee agency. After listening and processing an employee’s conflict, let them plan the next steps. Ask questions like, “How do you want to handle this?” </li><li>Cultivate an atmosphere of openness. For example, invite guest speakers with diverse perspectives who specialize in conflict management. </li></ol>

Methods to accomodate indirect intervention

An anthropologist explains how a strategically-positioned individual, moving with empathy, can passively create organizational change without bringing the conflict to a pitch. 


Stashed ideas

You don’t need to get in someone’s face. Here are 5 other ways to manage conflict and create change

We don't know anything for sure about the metaverse. Theoretically, it will be an open, shared experience like virtual reality or augmented reality. But the metaverse is dependent on the entire industry settling on complex technical standards that are not work-in-progress yet. Currently, discussion of life in the metaverse involves existing proprietary virtual worlds such as Roblox, or they are speculative. Still, metaverse supporters continue to tell us what it's going to be like.

The metaverse will probably not exist anytime soon

On November 14, 1994, Microsoft’s Bill Gates dedicated his keynote to “this next era that we’re moving into.” The buzzword was “information superhighway”—the national high-speed computing network that would revolutionize how consumers shopped, informed and entertained themselves. Gates showed in his on-stage presentation how he saw the futuristic year of 2005. In October 2021, Zuckerberg showed a spectacular experience the metaverse would unlock, similar to what Gates had done with the information superhighway 27 years earlier.

Treating an idea as if it’s a reality

In his keynote, many of the ideas Gates spoke about became a reality, such as smartphones, Google Maps and other tools. Yet, there are ways in which Gate's tech ideas failed.<ul><li>Gates was overly optimistic about when these innovations would happen. In many cases, it happened well after 2005.</li><li>The products Microsoft envisioned and made, like the Pocket PCs, Tablet PCs, and Auto PCs, were not enduring hits. Other companies did a much better job.</li></ul> Dismissing Gate's visions as fantasy would have been a bad idea. But it would also be bad to confuse Gates's confidence with the ability to predict the future.

What Gates got wrong

If Zuckerberg’s metaverse pronouncements turn out to have been vaguely on target, it will be an accomplishment. But it doesn't guarantee that Meta will be a major player. It is possible that the metaverse will be defined and dominated by companies that don't exist yet. When the world envisioned in Gate's keynote became real, no one was talking about "the information superhighway," or "the information highway." It was just called the internet.

Lessons learned from Bill Gates keynote

At tech’s biggest trade show, Microsoft’s CEO previewed the next decade of innovations—just as metaverse seers such as Mark Zuckerberg are trying to do now.


What a 1994 Bill Gates keynote tells us about the metaverse

Besides losing homes and leaving behind friends and family, refugees are forced to live without their support networks, their occupations and, very often, their native language. Their full, rich identities become reduced to a single word: Refugee.Here’s how you can support refugees as they arrive in your community or country

The Refugee

Not only does their suffering frequently go unacknowledged but, in some contexts, they are treated as if their fate is inevitable or somehow their fault. In fact, the largest displacement of people in the last two decades — 38 million people — happened as a result of War on Terror.Reflect on how popular narratives and media are shaping your view of displaced people. It’s Okay for you to get it wrong — but what’s important is to make the effort to understand the full context of their displacement.

Seek out The Wider Context  

Refugees are young and old; children, teens and adults; parents and single people. But they are also human, so some refugees you meet may be polite and lovely while others may not be.However, rude or uncivil behavior on their part doesn’t justify discriminating against them or withholding care. Instead, it’s an opportunity for us to show compassion and accept the fact that they are imperfect, just like everyone else on this planet.

Recognize that Refugees Are Humans, Just Like You 

If you’re interested in directly helping refugees, make them part of the design and delivery of any services. Not only will it improve what you’re doing, it will also address the unequal power dynamic that exists in aid efforts when refugees are not allowed input.In addition, including refugees in service delivery can provide them with opportunities for employment. Many refugees can tell you where the gaps and blind spots are and help identify the best solutions. When hiring, know that their lived experiences are as important as traditional kinds of expertise.

Empower Them

There aren’t many organizations that are led by refugees for refugees, so when you find one, try to support it in any ways you can. Set up a monthly donation, volunteer your skills, and tell everyone you know about it.

Support Refugee-Led Organizations

One of the biggest threats to refugees fleeing conflict are the hostile policies that have become the norm.From legalizing pushbacks at the border in Poland to the criminalizing of those seeking asylum in the UK, refugees have fled some of the worst situations created by humanity only to end up facing further cruelty.If there is a hostile bill going through your local or national government, organize petitions and rallies and raise awareness. Vote for lawmakers who care about refugee rights and human rights. It is our responsibility to hold our politicians accountable.

Vote as If Their Lives Depend on It 

Here's how we can best support displaced people as they arrive in our communities and countries, from Zarlasht Halaimzai, a refugee rights advocate and writer.

5 ways that you can help refugees

Communication technology has created the expectation of people being always and instantly available. A 2021 survey found that 30% of Americans are constantly online. This is because most people have mobile phones with platforms of communication and can respond immediately. Added is that apps and social media have ingrained 24/7 communication into our lives.

Digital availability / 24-hour burden

Message-senders expect immediate replies. They may get annoyed and ride an emotional roller coaster when a message isn't immediately answered. 'Maybe something bad happened.' 'Maybe he's mad at me.' The sender may wonder why they can't just respond with a busy now, talk later. These negative feelings can increase when sending a joke or meme and expecting a quick haha or a simple emoji. Part of what cause these uncomfortable feelings is that there's no universal agreed-upon etiquette for behaviour in a 24/7 digital world.

The nagging feeling

In other areas of our lives, we have clearly defined norms we regard as 'correct.' For example, when you share big news with someone, an immediate congratulations is generally expected, while a delayed response may seem rude. In a 24/7 digital world, not everyone agrees on norms. When people get annoyed by a non-response, they may project their own norms or rules onto others as if their standards are universal.

Notification norms

If you get angry about a slow or non reply, it may help to remember that you're projecting your own anxieties on the recipient when you don't know what is going on with the other person. When you have a friend whose communication patterns are annoying, perhaps an open and honest discussion might be needed. If you find that you blood is boiling, it may be best to just put down the phone for some time.

What we can do

You sent a text – but it’s been an hour, and your friend hasn’t replied to your message yet. Why are you so angry about it?

The crippling expectation of 24/7 digital availability

An Elevator Pitch is called so because back in the good old days(2019, that is) people working in office buildings used to ride the elevator together, and only had a few moments to answer the question ‘What do you do?’ A short, crisp and catchy Elevator Pitch is effective in today’s time when attention spans are tiny and there is tons of information bombarding us every moment.

The Elevator Pitch

A good elevator pitch that makes people listen and stay engaged starts with something totally unexpected and ends with a teaser/question. Pattern Interrupt: The listener has to be taken by surprise by the initial words, something they haven’t heard before.Pause: A short pause is then required to give them time to process what we have just said and actually listen with interest.Teaser: A slight elaboration on what is said initially to give it more context.Question: Provide an open-ended question that gets them thinking and wanting to keep the conversation going.

Four Steps To Effective Elevator Pitching

<ol><li>Ensure you can deliver what you claim to do in the pitch.</li><li>Practice it so much that it becomes automatic and still does not sound rehearsed.</li><li>Test it on people and fine-tune it with the results or feedback you get.</li><li>Don’t call it an elevator pitch.</li><li>Create different versions suited for live talks, emails or taglines.</li></ol>Remember: Start with a hook, end with a question.

How To Deliver An Elevator Pitch

The point is to surprise the listener a bit with a “pattern interrupt.”


This is one of the best ways to answer ‘What do you do?’

The paradox states that, on average, your friends are more popular than you are. Sociologist Scott Feld first explained the friendship paradox in 1991 in the article "Why Your Friends Have More Friends Than You Do." He observed that most people have fewer friends than their friends have, on average.

The friendship paradox

Lead author George Cantwell says averages are often highly misleading. Some people are less popular than their friends. Others are more so. Cantwell and his colleagues developed a new mathematical equation to help researchers understand the paradox of friendship in real-world social networks. They based their equation on two assumptions: <ol><li>There is a large degree of variation in how many friends people have.</li><li>Popular people often have popular friends, and unpopular people have unpopular friends. </li></ol>Their new equations could explain 95% of the variance.

Averages are misleading

<ul><li>The friendship paradox is stronger in social networks that are made up of people with varied popularities.</li><li>Our social circles are biased samples of the population. Generally, it is not appropriate to compare ourselves to our friends.</li><li>The mathematical equations on the friendship paradox can explain societal aspects such as election polling and infectious disease spread.</li></ul>

Mathematical equation can explain certain aspects

Your friends are on average more popular than you are, according to a phenomenon known as the "friendship paradox." But it turns out, there's some nuance to that.

Love & Family

The 'friendship paradox' doesn't always explain real friendships, mathematicians say

We intuitively understand the power of eye contact. It can say a thousand unspoken words. - from the stern look in your mother's face to the scrutinising gaze of the interviewer.
Highlights of what eye contact does:
<ul>
<li>It's arousing. Someone staring back at you could make you all sweaty.</li>
<li>It holds attention.</li>
<li>It makes people believe you.</li>
<li>It makes people think you're smart. We tend to judge people who make eye contact with us as more intelligent and competent.</li>
<li>It makes you seem more sincere.</li>
</ul>

The power of eye contact

Some people find eye contact difficult because they suffer from trauma. Some have attachment issues or are self-conscious. Others may be shy or inexperienced.
<ul>
<li>No eye contact (intentional) is when someone consciously makes an effort not to look at you. They're not interested in you. It's a way of saying "get away from me" without saying it.</li>
<li>No eye contact (unintentional) signals that they are busy focusing on something else and have not noticed you.</li>
</ul>

Eye contact can feel intimidating

<ul>
<li>The unconscious glance. Someone's eyes are coincidentally meeting yours for a moment, then continue wandering. This level of eye contact is neutral.</li>
<li>The conscious glance. Your eye meets theirs, and they look away consciously, whether because of shyness, awkwardness, or disinterest.</li>
<li>Glance and a half. A slight interest is conveyed. Someone holds eye contact with you for a split second longer than expected.</li>
<li>Double glance. If you make eye contact and they look away, keep looking at them. Some will look a second time - a sign of physical interest.</li>
</ul>

The glance

<ul>
<li>The gaze is when someone looks at you and keeps looking even after the typical "look away" moment. When undesired, this becomes the "creep stare." When desired, this is a clear sign of interest.</li>
<li>The gaze plus a smile is a clear sign telling you they're interested.</li>
<li>The dreamboat is when you wake up in the morning to someone staring at you with a dreamy smile. This happens when someone has fallen for you.</li>
</ul>

The gaze

Eye contact is something you can practice and get good at.
<ul>
<li>If making eye contact with strangers is too difficult, start with people you feel comfortable with. Learn to look into your best friend's eyes when they tell you about their day, not at their ears or the wall behind them.</li>
<li>Another trick if you feel uncomfortable looking into someone's eyes is to stand a little further away. The closer you stand to someone looking at you, the less you're able to make eye contact.</li>
</ul>

Practice making eye contact

Making eye contact can mean anything from "You don't exist to me" to "I'd like to see you naked." Here's how to tell which is which.

The Levels of Eye Contact

A person who has experienced trauma is prone to feelings of resentment. This is not to say that they don't have the right to be angry, they do, but they don't process this anger and let go. 
Resentful people hold on to the fiery experiences because they want to be able to throw the pain back to those who've hurt them. However, they would also hurt themselves in the process.

Resentment

Resentful people tend to remain stuck in a state of anguish up to the point where it will continuously interfere with their daily life. Their mood changes, they are distrustful of other people and they also tend to mistreat others just because they feel entitled to do so. 
Those who hold resentment in their hearts tend to keep repeating the event over and over again in their heads. The pain that they feel then turns into anger to hatred to wanting to get revenge.

Resentment is Unhealthy

<ol>
<li>They are unable to forgive. </li>
<li>They have a black and white mindset (dichotomous thinking). They are living with a distorted cognitive reality where they don't realize that they do this.</li>
<li>They have an immense amount of pride. They are always on the defensive and tend to take everything personally. </li>
<li>They are unable to tend to their own emotional and psychological needs.</li>
</ol>

Characteristics and Psychological Profile of Resentful People

For us to be able to keep resentment from controlling us, we must be open to the idea of emotional forgiveness into our lives. When we welcome this idea, it helps us to get rid of any negative emotions so that we may create a new psychological reality. 
It also aids us in having more flexible thoughts, we are then available to see things from a new perspective may they be in the form or people, relationships, or projects, moreover, we can then manage our anger properly.

How to Keep Resentment From Controlling Us

Resentful people tend to hold on to triggering events and feelings of pain, anger, and anguish. This deeply affects their daily lives. Learn more with us!

The Psychology of Resentment: What Do Resentful People Hide?

Control is a way for us to build relationships; it usually begins without any malicious intent but eventually it becomes clear that it isn't a great foundation for a healthy relationship or connection.
Conventionally 3 things make control easier: money, talent, or physical attractiveness.

Controlling behavior

Whether you're the controller or the one being controlled, it is possible to move forward and make changes for the better.
<ol>
<li>Be wary of their actions and yours. Think about everything you do and ask yourself "what if" you were the one receiving the action.</li>
<li>Be considerate. Remember that the only behavior we are responsible for is our own and the choices we make based on that.</li>
<li>Practice self-reflection. It is important to know what you have to offer and ask yourself what they can help fulfill.</li>
</ol>

Healing from control

  If you find you are putting in all of the effort and all you are getting in return is someone's company...I urge to to ask yourself how much is their company really worth!?

Control has no place in love nor friendship

Is any relationship between people who don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there is competition and there is disrespect.
 A toxic relationship is consistently unpleasant and draining for the people in it, to the point that negative moments outweigh and outnumber the positive ones.

A toxic relationship

People who consistently undermine or cause harm to a partner (whether intentionally or not) often have a reason for their behavior, even if it’s subconscious. Maybe they were in a toxic relationship, either romantically or as a child. Maybe they didn’t have the most supportive, loving upbringing. They could have been bullied in school. They could be suffering from an undiagnosed mental health disorder.

What makes a relationship toxic

The most serious warning signs include any form of violence, abuse or harassment, which should be dealt with immediately. But in many cases, the indicators of a toxic relationship are much more subtle: Persistent unhappiness, negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem, feeling like you can’t talk with or voice concerns to your significant other.

Warning signs

<ul><li>If you feel that you’re in physical danger, you may need to involve the authorities. </li><li>If the harm is emotional or mental, you’ll have to decide if it’s possible to work through the issue. </li><li>If underlying triggers such as depression or trauma are influencing one or both individuals’ behaviors, therapeutic or medical treatments may help. </li></ul>
 
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What you should do

How to tell if you're in a toxic relationship with a romantic partner, friend or family member and what to do about it.

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

Rhett M.
@rhettm

You don’t need to get in someone’s face. Here are 5 other ways to manage conflict and create change

What a 1994 Bill Gates keynote tells us about the metaverse

5 ways that you can help refugees

The crippling expectation of 24/7 digital availability

This is one of the best ways to answer ‘What do you do?’

Bite-sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

Rhett M.@rhettm

You don’t need to get in someone’s face. Here are 5 other ways to manage conflict and create change

What a 1994 Bill Gates keynote tells us about the metaverse

5 ways that you can help refugees

The crippling expectation of 24/7 digital availability

This is one of the best ways to answer ‘What do you do?’

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

Rhett M.
@rhettm