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The foolproof way to fix a broken heart, according to a psychologist

When everything makes you cry

The emotional pain of a breakup often results in your body pumping itself full of cortisol, which suppresses the immune system and affects coping mechanisms.

The first step in fixing the problem is understanding that it is normal, according.  So if the littlest things are making you cry, take a moment to recognize that it is most likely caused by your body's response to the breakup.

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The foolproof way to fix a broken heart, according to a psychologist

The foolproof way to fix a broken heart, according to a psychologist

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/how-to-fix-broken-heart-guys-after-cheating-foolproof-way-psychologist-unfollow-social-media-a8207011.html

independent.co.uk

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Key Ideas

Your brain can't admit it's over

Being in love is like being hooked on a drug - and breaking up is similar to addiction withdrawal.

Understanding why the break up happened is necessary before we can move on from a breakup. It allows us to stamp out any hopes for reconciliation and move forward with our lives.

Social media stalking your ex

When we are stalking our exes on social media, we will find something we don’t want to see. But the subsequent feel of your heart dropping and the jealousy aren’t conducive to getting over your heartbreak.
Burn all cyber-bridges - limiting your access to your ex will automatically make you feel better.

When everything makes you cry

The emotional pain of a breakup often results in your body pumping itself full of cortisol, which suppresses the immune system and affects coping mechanisms.

The first step in fixing the problem is understanding that it is normal, according.  So if the littlest things are making you cry, take a moment to recognize that it is most likely caused by your body's response to the breakup.

When you blame yourself

While it is normal to wonder, “What did I do wrong?” giving in to negative thoughts can sabotage our efforts at mending our broken hearts.

If two different people, other than our close family, make the same point post-relationship but we still have a difficult time accepting it,  we need to consider that they are most likely telling the truth.

You still believe he was “the one”

Looking back on a relationship in hindsight, it is easy for our minds to trick us into remembering the relationship as much better than it really was.

Force yourself to remember the flaws in the relationship too.

Withdrawing from the places

... where memories of happier times still linger may sound appealing, but it can only make the heartbreak worse in the long run.

Rather, we need to “cleanse” our associations with these places by reclaiming them - make new memories, take other friends, or celebrate an occasion.

Your self-identity is off

In order to move on, we need to reconnect to who we were before the relationship.

Do not let your heartbreak define you. Remember the things you love, and do them. And if they were activities you loved to do together, continue to do them anyway.

Get back on the dating horse

The variable that has been found to predict healthier and quicker adjustment to heartbreak is finding a new partner.

It may feel wrong, but going on dates with a new person can boost our fragile self-esteem and remind us that there are other fish in the sea.

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When you're in love

When humans fall in love, their bodies are actively producing feel-good hormones and preventing the release of negative hormones.

When this process suddenly stops, the "w...

Going through a breakup

Heartbreak is a form of grief and loss that can cause serious issues with insomnia, anxiety and depression.

The pain we feel during heartbreak is similar to the physical pain we feel due to a severe burn on a broken arm.

Healing from a breakup

  • Visual reminders are likely to create dopamine surges in your brain that relate to feelings of craving and withdrawal.
  • Replace those surges of dopamine by taking a fitness class. Exercise can also release endorphins that trigger positive feelings.
  • Find a "new normal".
  • Accept the reason for the breakup.

Take Your Time

Breaking up can trigger chemical, emotional and physical reactions that cause you to feel lonely, unloveable, depressed, and worthless. 

Instead of pushing yourself to move forward q...

Good Grief

The five stages of grief are: 

  • denial (inability to accept reality), 
  • anger (physical tension, frustration, resentment), 
  • bargaining (magical thinking, pleading to God), 
  • depression (sadness, emptiness, guilt, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, hopelessness),
  • acceptance. 
Become Anti-Social (Media)

Nothing good can come from looking at your ex’s Instagram stories or Facebook timeline. When it comes to social media, just say no.

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Takotsubo cardiomyopathy
Takotsubo cardiomyopathy

According to a new study, broken hearts are on the rise. In March and April of 2020, 7.8% of patients presenting with symptoms of a heart attack had the condition - known as Takots...

Physical symptoms of Takotsubo cardiomyopathy
  • Takotsubo cardiomyopathy is characterized by a sudden physical or psychological stressor that could release a surge of hormones that stuns specific heart muscles, preventing them from properly pumping blood. The left ventricle balloons out, and people experience chest pain, difficulty breathing, and even heart failure.
  • Doctors may mistake this condition for a heart attack or inflammation of the lungs. When people show these symptoms, doctors must eliminate other conditions first. Real confirmation of Takotsubo will likely come from an angiogram.
  • 90% of people survive an episode of stress-induced cardiomyopathy, but consequences may remain. While most patients' hearts may return to their normal shape in a few days, others can take three or more months to heal. Some people may require defibrillators.
Takotsubo’s true scope

While Takotsubo patients' hearts appear to function normally again, the heart may have some segments that are not contracting well. That may explain why some people report chest pain, breathing difficulty, and other challenges long after their heart appear to have returned to normal.

Medications like beta-blockers and blood thinners can be necessary for recovery, but it is also important to see a psychologist. Meditation and regular exercise may also help.

Rekindling Of An Old Flame
Rekindling Of An Old Flame

Breakups and subsequent renewals are quite common across all types of romantic relationships and even marriages.

Falling apart and then seeking to mend the old relationship seems to be dee...

The Protest Phase

When people experience breakups they go through the ‘protest’ phase initially, and the rejected lover becomes obsessed with winning back the person who has quit the relationship.

Rejection, paradoxically, makes the rejected person love the partner even more. This is called a ‘Frustration Attraction’, and can be categorized as an addiction.

Chemical Reactions

The rejected lover experiences high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, and are visibly stressed out. These chemical reactions trigger many to do crazy things to win their ex back. Such feelings are erased quickly if the lover starts dating a new partner.

Some people also feel increasingly passionate and loving after the breakup and are more likely to forgive their ex.

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Take some time off and let it out

It’s probably best not to suppress or hold back one’s emotions, especially immediately after a breakup. 

However, the emotions can be so intense that they may not be appropriate for publ...

Listen to sad music

In the short term, it might reinforce or flare up painful memories, but it also normalizes the grief you are feeling so that you know you're not alone.

Talk to supportive people

Family and friends can help, but make sure you recognize their limits as well. 

You may decide that professional help may provide a more neutral and long-lasting perspective. They can also point out deeper patterns of behavior or thinking.

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A Friend Indeed
A Friend Indeed

According to a report in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, an acquaintance has a chance of being your friend after about 50 hours of shared activity or discussions. A frien...

Benefits of Friendships

Long-lasting, high-quality friendships lower the chance of chronic illnesses, and mortality rates. They boost one’s happiness and can also be a buffer towards anxiety, stress and even depression.

One can consider looking back and reconnect with a lost but cherished friend for emotional support or to relive the long-forgotten times.

Considering Reviving A Friendship
  • We need to ask ourselves if a certain friendship is even worth resuscitating, or if one of us has moved on to such an extent that we really don’t recognize the person any more.
  • The circumstances of growing apart also matter. If it was betrayal or a falling out, the process of getting back may require reconciliation and may not be easy.
  • People evolve due to the various life events that happen in the course of their lives, like medical issues, marriage, children or a divorce. It’s important to keep one’s guard up, as the person that one gets to meet after years might be a complete stranger in some ways.

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Falling in love

To us, being loved in a relationship is perhaps the highest ideal. It gives our lives meaning and purpose. Being loved validates our sense of self-esteem and soothes our fears of loneliness.

Whom We Find Attractive

Our self-esteem, mental and emotional health, positive and negative life experiences, and family relations all influence whom we’re attracted to. 

The Ideal Stage of Romance

There is an amount of healthy idealization that helps us fall in love.

However, if we’re depressed or have low self-esteem, we’re more likely to idealize a prospective partner and overlook signs of trouble, such as unreliability or addiction, or accept disrespectful or abusive behavior. A lack of a support system or loneliness might also blind us to potential faults.

It is far better to first deal with these concerns before entering into a relationship.

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Elements of well-being
Elements of well-being

Well-being can be broken into five elements:

  • Positive emotion
  • Engagement
  • Relationships
  • Meaning
  • Accomplishment

If you improve ...

Wired for pessimism

Pessimism comes naturally to people because thinking about the bad stuff that could happen helps us to prepare for survival.

The problem is that pessimists think bad events are permanent and unchangeable. "I think my interview is going to be a disaster." We need to learn to recognize what we're saying to ourselves and then argue against it. "I've done many interviews in my life, and they generally turn out well."

The need for hope

Meditation - mindfulness, focusing on the moment - is an excellent anti-anxiety, anti-anger tool..But accepting suffering and finding contentment in that means you can't move into doing something good in the future.

One important idea is hope. Positive human future doesn't come about by accident - it needs hopeful people who plan for it and make it happen.

Change and the unchangeable
We like to think that things can be changed. That we are in control somehow.  That's why “never” hurts, because never means that it can’t be changed. “Never” means it’s over. It’s gone. And ...
Meaning and relationships
  • We generate meaning through relationships. And meaning is the fuel of our minds. 
  • Our relationships also define our understanding of ourselves. And when one of these relationships is destroyed, that part of our identity is destroyed along with it. 
Depression vs. sadness
  • Sadness occurs when something feels bad. 
  • Depression occurs when something feels meaningless. 

When something feels bad, at least it has meaning. In depression, everything becomes a big blank void. 

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Go home

The first step in recovery is to go home. We all have a home, whether in our friendships or in our family. ...

Spend time with your friends

Friendships (if you are lucky enough to find the right friends) are unconditional, reciprocal and capable of nourishing your heart back to full if you allow them to.

Grief does you, you don’t do grief

Grief is like a squall in the middle of the ocean. It comes without warning and despite how hard you try to avoid it or suppress it, you can’t. Let the tears, screams and sobs pour out of you.

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