The Voice Of Possibility At Work - Deepstash

The Voice Of Possibility At Work

Make use of the following steps to implement the fourth voice:

  • Watch how anxiety sparks inside the mind. 
  • Talk to your internal voices.
  • Develop honest bias – There is no cure for bias, but we can develop an honest relationship to our own bias with self-reflection.
  • Speak for yourself.
  • Listen generously.
  • Ask questions that invite surprising answers.
  • Build arguments together.
  • Cultivate neutral spaces.
  • Accept reality, then participate in it.

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The art of productive disagreement.

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MORE IDEAS FROM Why Are We Yelling?

The fourth voice, which is missing during a disagreement is the voice of possibility.

This muted voice seeks to make conflict productive. This voice resonates in questions like:

  • What are we missing?
  • What else is possible?
  • What else can we do with what we have?
  • Who else can we bring into the conversation to give us a new perspective?

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This is the internal voice which will tell you things such as “Why?” or “That doesn’t add up”. The voice of reason is all about using reasons to shut down a debate. Benson argues that the voice of reason works best in situations where you have disagreements with people who share respect for the same higher authority or are part of the same group or organisation that your reasons draw from.

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  1. Truth 1: Arguments aren’t bad – They’re signposts to issues that need our attention.
  2. Truth 2: Arguments aren’t about changing minds – They are about bringing minds together.
  3. Truth 3: Arguments don’t end – They have deep roots and will pop back up again and again, asking us to engage with them.

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  1. When you notice anxiety, pause and ask yourself: are you anxious about what is true, what is meaningful, or what is useful?
  2. Ask the other party the same question. Do they give the same answer or something different?
  3. Narrate out loud what each of you is anxious about. Reiterate how each of you answered the question to see if that leads to new connections for yourself or the other person.
  4. Check to see if either of you is willing to switch to what the other is anxious about. Who has more cognitive dissonance happening and could use the other’s help?

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This is the internal voice that tells you things such as “I would prefer not to” or “Leave me out of it”.

Conflict avoiders have identified flaws in the voices of power and reason and so have chosen to address conflicts by simply refusing to participate in them in the first place.

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Most of us are weary of disagreement, so a claim that disagreement can be productive is intriguing. 

Some of the common misconceptions with respect to disagreement are:

  • Arguments are bad.
  • They change people’s minds.
  • They come to an end.

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This is the internal voice that will tell you things such as “Take it or leave it” or “My way or the highway”. The voice of power isn't the ultimate conflict-resolution strategy, because you can’t argue with sheer force. Benson states that this what power does – it forcibly closes down arguments and ends conflict in your favour, which is an undeniable evolutionary advantage.

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The voice of possibility encourages us very explicitly not to do what the other three voices – power, reason and avoidance – have made habitual in us, which is to find a way to uproot and kill the conflict. We need to develop ‘honest bias’ and listen to the fourth voice of possibility, leaving aside our ego to make a disagreement less about arguments and more about a mutual solution.

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RELATED IDEA

According to a 2019 study, here are the top three conflict triggers that upset, irritate, hurt, or anger partners

1. Condescension (i.e., you are treated as stupid or inferior; your partner acts like they think they’re better than you.

2. Possessiveness, jealousy and/or dependency (i.e., your partner demands too much attention or time or is overly jealous, possessive, or dependent)

3. Neglect, rejection and/or unreliability (i.e., your partner ignores your feelings, doesn’t call or text, doesn’t say they love you)

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Ask questions

It helps you preserve your neutrality.
It is effective in getting others to pause, reflect, and get clear with themselves about what the problem actually is. 
You may get each person in the conflict to see things from the other person's perspective, thus bridging the gap between them.

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Discord almost accidentally invented the future of the internet

Discord is at the center of the gaming universe, having more than 100 million monthly active users, in millions of communities for every game and player imaginable. Its largest servers have millions of members. Discord's slowly building a business around all that popularity, too, and is now undergoing a big pivot: It's pushing to turn the platform into a comm. tool not just for gamers, but for everyone from study groups to sneakerheads to gardening enthusiasts. 5 years in, Discord's just now realizing it may have stumbled into something like the future of the internet. Almost by accident.

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Recently discovered Discord communities that made me remember my IRC days while also feel old. Here are some great ones I found.

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