When you watch a chess game, it's easy to spot when another player made a big mistake. But when we play ourselves, we often make the same mistakes.

The reason this happens is known as "the rule of the chess player:" It's easier to see potential mistakes when we're not emotionally attached to the game and don't feel the stress.

When you see someone make a big mistake, you may think, "Well, that's what they get." or "I've been there; it will help them toughen up." Those reactions are unhelpful. They don't do anything for the person who's suffering nor for your relationship with them.