It's easy to think we possess reasonable social skills because we know how to have a conversation with strangers and can occasionally make a whole group laugh.  A greater test than this, and surprising in its ability to trip us up, is to have a pleasant time with a child we don't know. In theory, this should be easy as we were all once kids. But in reality, it is strangely hard to be at ease around children we're not familiar with.

Limited social skills

Montaigne said he found nothing more notable in the life of Socrates than that he was very gifted at playing with children. In his later years, Socrates spent many hours playing games and giving children piggybacks for 'all actions, says philosophy, equally become and equally honour a wise man.' He did not deliver lectures to them. Henri IV, the King of France, was very sweet around children. He once kept the Spanish Ambassador waiting while pretending to b a horse for his children to ride on. He did not sit on a throne discussing how to rule a kingdom.

Famous examples of people who know how to become vulnerable

Both King Henri VI and Socrates knew how to engage with children.<ul><li>They put aside their well-known virtues and prestige to make themselves vulnerable - the same way one should be when a friendship is at stake.</li><li>They knew how to find common ground. They imaginatively searched for what unites people and could find within their characters the joys and excitements of someone who has not been on earth very long.</li><li>They feel their way into the needs and points of view of strangers.</li><li>Even if they are confident, they know how to be in touch with the more timid version of themselves.</li></ul>

How to engage with strangers

The reason why we may feel tongue-tied and inept around shy five-year-olds or a moody 10-year-old is that children are unable to do any of the usual things that ease social encounters between adult strangers. They don't ask polite questions about what we've been up to. They don't consider what might be important to us. They don't do the news or the weather and can't tell us much about themselves and their interests.

Children are the greatest tests of one’s mastery of the arts of charm and kindness

You’ll know you’ve truly become socially adept when you finally manage to make small talk with that most challenging and unforgiving of characters: a small child you hardly know. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/aLr91M Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/tGq1RG FURTHER READING “It can be easy to imagine we possess reasonable social skills, because we know how to maintain a conversation with strangers and – every now and then – manage to make a whole table laugh. But there’s a test far sterner than this, surprising in its ability to trip us up: the challenge of having a pleasant time with a child we don’t know. Theoretically speaking, this should be so easy. We were all once kids. We know a great deal more than they do and – as far as they’re concerned – hold all the cards: if we felt like it, we could buy 26 packets of biscuits and go to bed whenever we wanted…” You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://goo.gl/9APsau MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/y51g7f Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Martin Pickles http://martinpickles.com/ #TheSchoolOfLife

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Communication

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You’ll know you’ve truly become socially adept when you finally manage to make small talk with that most challenging and unforgiving of characters: a small child you hardly know.  If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/aLr91M
Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ 
Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/tGq1RG


FURTHER READING

“It can be easy to imagine we possess reasonable social skills, because we know how to maintain a conversation with strangers and – every now and then – manage to make a whole table laugh.
But there’s a test far sterner than this, surprising in its ability to trip us up: the challenge of having a pleasant time with a child we don’t know. Theoretically speaking, this should be so easy. We were all once kids. We know a great deal more than they do and – as far as they’re concerned – hold all the cards: if we felt like it, we could buy 26 packets of biscuits and go to bed whenever we wanted…”

You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://goo.gl/9APsau

MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/y51g7f

Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist: 
http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships

You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 
Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB 


SOCIAL MEDIA

Feel free to follow us at the links below:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/  
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife   
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ 


CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:
 
Martin Pickles
http://martinpickles.com/ #TheSchoolOfLife

We're interested in self-understanding, calm and emotional maturity.

We have thousands of articles about emotional life for you on our website: www.theschooloflife.com

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