Sort Out the Three Types of Conversation

Finally, you need to stop blaming others. If the other participant misunderstands you in a heated conversation, it isn’t necessarily their fault. Identify each person’s contributions in the conversation and take responsibility for working through the situation together. Adopting this approach wil...

The authors encourage the readers to remind themselves that they cannot control another person’s actions. Instead, you can only control the way you react to the person’s actions. You can imagine how the other person might respond and how these responses might question your identity. Also, try to ...

Recognize the emotions you often experience during difficult conversations, consider why this might be, and learn to share them. The other person’s emotions are just as valid as yours. Finally, remember that your identity does not work in absolutes, and it can also change. 

Instead, you will be sharing information and asking questions. All in all, your conversation will be moving towards a conversation based on learning. This type of conversation will help you solve the issues surrounding the what happened conversation. 

You shouldn't approach conversations be...

Final Points

As humans, we often shy away from difficult conversations. However, they are some of the most important conversations. We need to approach these conversations in the right way to make them productive. Try to transform each conver...

3. If you decide the conversation is worth engaging with, make sure you start with the third story. Start the conversation as an impartial observer and move towards inviting them to join you in solving the problem.

4. Explore their three stories, and then yours. If the conversation goes off...

Identify Your Emotional Footprint

Controlling our feelings and emotions during a difficult conversation is harder than it sounds. Our emotions are often uncontrollable. We also suppress our true feelings when we feel embarrassed or hurt. The ...

You do not want to be accusing the other person through claims of “you always” or “you never.” These statements are unfairly labeling the person. Instead, try to help the other person understand your viewpoint and your emotional reaction. Then, ask them how their viewpoint and emotional reaction ...

Try to ask yourself the following questions:

• Where did the miscommunication begin?
• How did you both contribute to the mess?
• What can you both do to move forward?

Perhaps you consider yourself a loyal person. Imagine receiving an offer to work at a high-salaried competing firm in a more enjoyable role. Accepting this offer could lead you to become confused about your identity if you work in absolutes. Accepting the position would make you disloyal, right? ...

Firstly, you must address your own emotions during difficult conversations. Consider why you react the way you do within certain situations. For example, think about how you handled emotions as a child and whether this aligns with how you now handle difficult conversations. Plus, consider how tho...

Finally, the authors recommend sharing your emotions. Your difficult conversations will remain unproductive if you are unwilling to share both the good and bad emotions associated with those conversations. Do not just state, “I am angry.” Instead, ask the other person why they find this conversat...

Secondly, this book’s authors encourage their readers to avoid assuming the other person has ill intentions. They provide an example of when a friend comments on how tired you are. Instead of perceiving this as an insult, consider how your friend is looking out for your health and well-being. The...

After you have done this, you can extend an invitation to the person you want to have a conversation with. In this way, you start the conversation with an understanding of solving a problem. This understanding allows the conversation to start without judgment. Plus, the conversation will be frame...

When beginning a difficult conversation, you must remember to never start with your side of the story. Starting with our story risks threatening the self-image of the other person. Instead of telling the story from your point of view, start the story by explaining the situation from an impartial ...

Finally, the book recommends sometimes taking a break from a difficult conversation. It is easy to become emotionally overwhelmed during difficult conversations, as these conversations are often linked with both of your identities. If you feel overwhelmed, you should ask the other participant for...

Various conversations can be considered difficult, and these will depend on the individual. Difficult conversations are not solely limited to common conversations about sexuality, race, gender, politics, and religion. They can be any conversation that makes us feel vulnerable, awkward, or uncomfo...

Whether we like to admit it or not, starting a difficult conversation can often be motivated by selfish reasons. We want to prove a point, give somebody a telling off, or ask something of the other person. However, understanding the mistakes frequently made within the three difficult conversation...

Before every difficult conversation, make sure that you have in mind the following points:

1. Prepare yourself for the conversation by considering the three conversations for both sides. So, think about what happened from both points of view. Be clear on your emotions and ground your iden...

These examples offer support for the book’s notion that we should stop wasting our time and energy on challenging others who question our self-identity. Instead, accept that you will make mistakes. Accept that your intentions are complex and that you have probably contributed to this problem’s di...

First, Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. It's often easy to finish a difficult conversation confused about how irrational that person is without considering their perspective. You must learn to accept that the other participant is a different person with a different perspective. Therefore...

This process identifies your natural emotional footprint during difficult conversations. After this, it is essential to negotiate these emotions. Your perceptions and views underpin your emotions. Therefore, attempt to reconsider your perceptions within these difficult conversations. Rather than ...

The book is based on the premise that we face difficult conversations daily. For example, apologizing to loved ones or telling your boss that you are looking for other jobs. Daily we have a decision to make: Do we avoid these difficult conversations, or do we tackle them head-on?

The identity conversation is the conversation we have with ourselves. This conversation covers what this situation means to you. With difficult conversations, we often second guess ourselves. We consider whether we are coming across as competent, kind, and lovable. These conversations involve que...

Avoid Absolutes With Identity

When considering identity, it is easy for us to list a few terms that describe how we identify ourselves. The issue with identity conversations is when we only utilize absolutes. Often we percei...

Additionally, every difficult conversation involves those involved wondering whether their feelings are valid. Should you be angry/upset? Is it reasonable if the other participant in the conversation does not acknowledge how you are feeling? Additionally, you might be wondering whether you have h...

The conversation should then start by explaining to them how you want to understand their perspective better. Try to emphasize that you want to come to an agreement together. You want their help to make the outcome a productive one. 

Finally, make sure that you are persistent. Likely, defen...