Romantic Risk-Takers

People may not be communicating well about what they want in their partners or may have a lack of awareness, or even a myopic view of their life. Experiencing it for themselves is a better bet to find out what works.

The dreamy idols that make up our early stages of attractions, especially at a young age, do not translate into someone one can spend the entire life with, where mundane activities like picking up groceries and taking care of the kids take precedence over being handsome or inspiring.

... when you’re in a relationship. Think about those four horsemen of the relationships apocalypse: criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling and how often do you exhibit any of them.

Try to observe your actions and strive to understand the reasons behind them.

It helps to view your relationship as a “work of art” that you two are co-creating together, in real-time.

The work-of-art mindset can help counter that pessimistic self-narrative. Instead, you get to stop thinking about yourself and what you’re gaining or losing in your relationship, and you get to start thinking about what you have to offer.

Your first impressions are usually pretty accurate. But whether they are wrong or right, first impressions affect us in a big way and we are slow to change them.

You have to be willing to update them quite rapidly. 

• Studies show that if someone seems extroverted, confident, religious or conscientious, they probably are.
• We all pay more attention to pretty people, and so we tend to take the time to evaluate them.
• If you want to know if someone is good at their job, watch them do it for 30-60 seconds. 
• Funny people are smart: Effective humor production acts as an honest indicator of intelligence in humans.

Generally, humor is a great ice-breaker and social lubricant, but if there are stressful situations in a relationship, humor actually increases the chances of a break-up or divorce.

An intimate relationship requires opening up with your partner and being vulnerable, something that may feel uncomfortable to some people. Relationship satisfaction is affected if:

• Couples like to laugh at others.
• Partners like if someone laughs at one of them, or if the other partner makes fun of them.
• Partners dislike if the other makes fun of them.

When people speak, the best responses are both active and constructive: engaged, enthusiastic, curious and has supportive nonverbal action. Ask questions. Be excited. Ask for details. Smile. Touch. Laugh.

It's a powerful technique - it makes you more liked and people more receptive to your requests.

Addiction can include:

• Addiction as a moral transgression, like excessive drinking or drug use.
• Addiction as a scientific disease, which characterize alcoholism and drug addiction as biological.
• Colloquial violation, which applies the term to almost any fixation. 

The idea that someone can be addicted to a behavior, as opposed to a substance, remains debatable.

• Excessive gameplay is a symptom of a larger problem, like anxiety or depression.
• The fear of possible addiction arrises from moral panic about new technologies, not scientific research or clinical data.
• Making excessive gaming a disorder can harm the gaming industry by stigmatizing their products. 

When people experience breakups they go through the ‘protest’ phase initially, and the rejected lover becomes obsessed with winning back the person who has quit the relationship.

Rejection, paradoxically, makes the rejected person love the partner even more. This is called a ‘Frustration Attraction’, and can be categorized as an addiction.

The rejected lover experiences high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, and are visibly stressed out. These chemical reactions trigger many to do crazy things to win their ex back. Such feelings are erased quickly if the lover starts dating a new partner.

Some people also feel increasingly passionate and loving after the breakup and are more likely to forgive their ex.

Blaming, oversimplifying, and seeing oneself as a victim are all common traits of unhappy couples and failed marriages.

Conflicts should be approached by looking together at the problem.

Most of us don’t have adequate communication skills going into marriage. It is important to build this skill.

Chemistry is made up of subtle behaviors and dispositions that are felt by both parties equally.

It could be the way someone laughs at your jokes or the way they talk to you or help you. The absence of chemistry is normally displayed in the lack of emotional intensity.

High compatibility between people comes from the similarities in their lifestyles and values. 
Educated people usually date other educated people. Religious people usually date other religious people. People that are not compatible normally repel one another.