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Felix

@felixg

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Know your boundaries, let other people also know them.

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Jul 25, 2020

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Crab mentality

Crab mentality is a phenomenon where people react negatively, in terms of their thoughts, statements, or actions, to those who get ahead of them, even though they don’t expect there to be direct benefits to doing so.

For example, crab mentality can cause someone to discourage or sabotage their friend who is starting to do well at school, simply because they’re bitter about struggling with their own studies.

Felix  (@felixg) - Profile Photo

@felixg

Love & Family

When People Pull Down Those Who Get Ahead – Effectiviology

effectiviology.com

The aesthetic appeal of moral wickedness

The moral and aesthetic values of people can be pulled in opposite directions. Serial killers like Richard Ramirez and Ted Bundy were infamous but had lots of female fans that sent them letters and attended their court hearings.

However, they were already perceived as attractive despite their crimes and some reprobates behave well with a small number of people. This does not support the aesthetic of moral wickedness but further the fact that beauty is seen as good.

The Longest-Running Study On Happiness
  • The Harvard Study of Adult Development has followed 724 men (from various economic and social backgrounds) since they were teenagers in 1938.
  • The clearest message from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.
  • The people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships, with family, with friends, with community.
  • Over the years, the researchers asked members questions about their lives and their mental and emotional wellness.

What makes a good life?

ted.com

Sympathy Vs Empathy

Sympathy is when you feel pity at someone, or are sad due to the hardships of a person. Empathy is when you are able to put yourself into what they are going through.

Example: If someone gets a fracture while bike riding, you feel sympathy for them, but if someone gets a fracture and you also fell from your bike and suffered a fracture a while ago, you feel empathy for them.

Sympathy vs. Empathy: What’s the Difference?

mentalfloss.com

Social ambiguity

Social life can be full of uncertainty. Friends don't always smile back at you. Strangers sometimes look upset. The question is how you interpret these situations. Do you take everything personally or do you think there are reasons they behave that way that has nothing to do with you?

While most people tend to overcome socially ambiguity with ease, knowing it is unavoidable, other people tend to see themselves as perpetual victims. They believe that one's life is entirely under the control of forces outside one's self.

Unraveling the Mindset of Victimhood

scientificamerican.com

From Openness to Closing Yourself Off

From a young age, we learn that not everyone is on our side, and not all situations are going to go our way. 

Over time, we build walls around our hearts to protect ourselves from these hurts.

Overcoming a Fear of Vulnerability and Love Your Imperfections

verywellmind.com

Ending friendships

Sometimes a friendship can become so painful or unhealthy that we need to end it.

But we often don't have clear guidance or formulas to make these decisions. Our negative emotions drive our thoughts and may cause us to make poor decisions and lose relationships we could have kept.

  • Offering our kids an ear, empathy and encouragement helps them tremendously and moves the needle towards the best solution.
  • Asking teens if they need any help is the first step towards providing relevant advice.
  • Divide their problem into two categories: what can be changed, and what cannot.
  • For things that can be changed, focus on the needs identified by your kid, and brainstorm for possible solutions.
  • For things that cannot be changed, help them come in terms with the circumstances that are not in one's control.

Why Teenagers Reject Parents' Solutions to Their Problems

nytimes.com

A Friend Indeed

According to a report in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, an acquaintance has a chance of being your friend after about 50 hours of shared activity or discussions. A friend can be a close (or best) friend after about 200 hours.

Our old and former friends know intimate details of a part of our lives, but do not have an idea about our present selves, due to the years or decades of separation. This can feel disorienting, as suddenly a person with whom one was once so close, appears like a stranger.

How to Revive a Friendship

nytimes.com

Anticipatory grief

Conventional grief, the kind of grief that occurs after the loss of a loved one, or even loss of one’s dreams, is commonly discussed and understood.

Anticipatory grief is a lesser-known dimension of grief, something which occurs before death (or any great loss).

Why Am I Already Grieving When My Loved One Is Alive?

verywellhealth.com

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