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On Marrying the Wrong Person

We Don't Understand Others

Like us, other people are stuck in the same low-level self-realization: we try to gauge the other person by their looks or family or social status, which is a futile exercise in most cases.

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On Marrying the Wrong Person

On Marrying the Wrong Person

https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/how-we-end-up-marrying-the-wrong-people/

theschooloflife.com

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Key Ideas

We Don't Understand Ourselves

We don't realize that we are a bundle of contradictions and are trying to look for someone who can understand us, while we haven't been able to understand ourselves yet.

We think we are a great person to be with, which may not be true.

We Don't Know Happiness

We aren't accustomed to being happy or have a misguided idea of what happiness is.

We find the ones who would be right for us, to be wrong for us, because of our lack of experience in what good is, and the fact that we don't associate love with being happy and fulfilled.

We Hate Being Single

The situation of being single turns into a 'negative' motivation for us, and in our race to be engaged in a relationship again, we cling to the wrong person.

Our reason to find a mate: avoiding loneliness, is inherently flawed and cannot lead to a good outcome.

Two Kinds of Decision Making

If we 'marry' the two kinds of decision making, the process of rational analysis, where we objectively understand the other person, with the feeling of love, then we can ask ourselves the right questions, and go towards something that can last.

Happiness and Marriage

Our delusion of happiness (as in 'happily ever after') is a big culprit in our wrong decisions and misery.

Marriage doesn't mean that the romance, the happiness or the beautiful time will last past a few months or years. Happiness is fleeting, and understanding its impermanence can work wonders on our expectations.

Marriage is a Process

We mistakenly think marriage is just an event.

We have to understand that marriage is a process, filled with love, ups and downs, effort and struggle. It is not that we get married, throw a few parties and start to reap the 'rewards' of marriage, going about on our other interests.

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Asking the right questions

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