On Marrying the Wrong Person
The situation of being single turns into a 'negative' motivation for us, and in our race to be engaged in a relationship again, we cling to the wrong person.
Our reason to find a mate: avoiding loneliness, is inherently flawed and cannot lead to a good outcome.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
We usually consider moving into marriage in an attempt to preserve and prolong the happy romantic feelings that characterize the early stages of almost all relationships.
But in most cases, there is no real connection between those feelings and the institution of marriage: marriage tends to move us onto a more administrative plane.
The gap between expectation and reality is the cause for many of life’s disappointments.
We like to create detailed fantasies of how our lives are going to be. But when we expect our reality to match a fantasy but life turns out nothing like it, we feel disappointed.
"Are you the right person for me?" is the wrong question to ask, because nothing outside of ourselves can fix us or bring us happiness.
A more constructive question to ask would be "Can I accommodate your imperfections with humor and grace?"
Most Americans of this generation are now more free than the earlier generations. They are free and spoilt for choice to date, marry, divorce or have casual sexual encounters.
The price of this freedom, as it turns out, may be loneliness.
Mark Regnerus provides some insights into the modern dating scene:
Youngsters are now wary of a life-long relationship and consider it as an option.
To make a marriage work, you have to be the right person.
Rather than looking for the right partner, become aware of your blind spots, growing edges and vulnerabilities. Take responsibility and learn how to work with them effectively. Then invite in a compatible, suitable partner.
Blaming, oversimplifying, and seeing oneself as a victim are all common traits of unhappy couples and failed marriages.
Conflicts should be approached by looking together at the problem.
Most of us don’t have adequate communication skills going into marriage. It is important to build this skill.