Ideas from books, articles & podcasts.
The situation of being single turns into a 'negative' motivation for us, and in our race to be engaged in a relationship again, we cling to the wrong person.
Our reason to find a mate: avoiding loneliness, is inherently flawed and cannot lead to a good outcome.
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We mistakenly think marriage is just an event.
We have to understand that marriage is a process, filled with love, ups and downs, effort and struggle. It is not that we get married, throw a few parties and start to reap the 'rewards' of marriage, going about on our other interests....
Our delusion of happiness (as in 'happily ever after') is a big culprit in our wrong decisions and misery.
Marriage doesn't mean that the romance, the happiness or the beautiful time will last past a few months or years. Happiness is fleeting, and understanding its impermanence can ...
Like us, other people are stuck in the same low-level self-realization: we try to gauge the other person by their looks or family or social status, which is a futile exercise in most cases.
We don't realize that we are a bundle of contradictions and are trying to look for someone who can understand us, while we haven't been able to understand ourselves yet.
We think we are a great person to be with, which may not be true.
If we 'marry' the two kinds of decision making, the process of rational analysis, where we objectively understand the other person, with the feeling of love, then we can ask ourselves the right questions, and go towards something that can last.
We aren't accustomed to being happy or have a misguided idea of what happiness is.
We find the ones who would be right for us, to be wrong for us, because of our lack of experience in what good is, and the fact that we don't associate love with being happy and fulfilled.
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We usually consider moving into marriage in an attempt to preserve and prolong the happy romantic feelings that characterize the early stages of almost all relationships.
But in most cases, there is no real connection between those feelings and the institution of marriage: marriage tends to mo...
Most Americans of this generation are now more free than the earlier generations. They are free and spoilt for choice to date, marry, divorce or have casual sexual encounters.
The price of this freedom, as it turns out, may be loneliness.
To make a marriage work, you have to be the right person.
Rather than looking for the right partner, become aware of your blind spots, growing edges and vulnerabilities. Take responsibility and learn how to work with them effectively. Then invite in a compatible, suitable par...
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