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This Is How To Solve For The Problem You Actually Have
Focus On The Solution
Bad situations and circumstances are not always personal, and not about you. Stop focussing on unworkable options and fixing things (and people) that clearly cannot be fixed.
Start to find workable options in a problem, which may not be perfect, but good enough, and are steps towards progress.
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Fixing Bad Situations
We are often in situations or circumstances which we don't like. Bad things happen, and it is a natural tendency to focus on negative circumstances.
Wishing that someone you work with, like your boss, would be different, or that your health will be different is a futile exercise. Focusing on changing the bad things feels like doing something productive, but isn't taking us anywhere, and it becomes a waste of time and energy.
Focus On The Solution
Bad situations and circumstances are not always personal, and not about you. Stop focussing on unworkable options and fixing things (and people) that clearly cannot be fixed.
Start to find workable options in a problem, which may not be perfect, but good enough, and are steps towards progress.
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Key Ideas
Make space to create meaning
Provide digital self-assessment tools and the types of personal exploration exercises that facilitate reflection.
These mechanisms can help employees identify personal sources...
Provide the right amount of structure
Formal employee programs and activities, such as rotational opportunities, innovation labs, reverse mentoring and milestone experiences, can help employees build deeper, more diverse relationships while promoting growth.
Build strong teams
Deepening relationships is a key source of fulfillment.
Shared experiences help employees come together in ways that build meaningful connections and trust. Activities that provide a common purpose — such as an escape room game or a hackathon — are especially effective.
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Key Ideas
“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.”
Epictetus
Misery And The Mind
Misery can be influenced by your circumstances, but it is largely indifferent to them because it grows from within. Most of us have everything that we need to avoid it, but our untrained brains are prone to create it through anxiety.
This concept is easy to understand but it requires consistent effort and application. Keeping your brain in check demands that you understand and internalize it into day to day conduct.
Diversify Your Sources Of Joy
We only have so much time and energy, so it’s good to eliminate the meaningless things we do. And then spread your remaining time and energy across multiple sources.
Balance work with other hobbies or personal projects, increase the number of people you can rely on, etc. Over a long enough time, something will go wrong, and having multiple sources of fulfillment to rely on will save you from complete collapse.
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Key Ideas
Controlling your emotions
The ability to recognize, own, and shape your own emotions is the master skill for deepening intimacy with loved ones, magnifying influence in the workplace, and amplifying our ability to turn idea...
Own the emotion
You can’t change an emotion you don’t own.
Accept responsibility for its existence. Because an external event always precedes your experience of an emotion, it’s easy to assume that the event caused it. But as long as you believe it was externally caused, you are going to be a victim to your emotions.
Name the story
Emotions are the result of both what happens, and of the story you tell yourself about what happened.
- A victim story: it absolves you of your responsibility for what happened.
- A villain story: it exaggerates the faults of others and makes them responsible for what happened.
- A helpless story: it convinces you that any course of action is pointless.
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