Rekindling the Fire - Deepstash

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Relight the fire: how to fall back in love with your partner

Rekindling the Fire

Many couples have reached a cozy state of companionship. The humdrumness of life affects the long-term relationship.

It is not uncommon to lose the 'fire' and is unrealistic to expect consistency.

Though love, sex, and intimacy do fluctuate over our lifetimes, there are several possible ways to reconnect with your partner and rekindle the relationship.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Relight the fire: how to fall back in love with your partner

Relight the fire: how to fall back in love with your partner

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/feb/04/relight-the-fire-how-to-fall-back-in-love-with-your-partner

theguardian.com

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Key Ideas

Love Progression

As the initial stage of love fades away, a deeper, richer sense of each other should take its place, and couples can find more ways to make things interesting and fun.

Look With New Eyes

Staying curious about each other and finding things, memories, places, and activities that are yet to be shared or experienced together is a great way to rekindle the relationship.
Revisiting your past and finding ways to connect better by looking at the other with 'new' eyes makes us see many things that were overlooked earlier.

Nurture Your Relationship

Our relationships have been sidelined, with excitement and novelty taking a backseat, due to our lives daily struggle.
The forgotten skill of nurturing and prioritizing your relationship is imperative. Example: Daily time together, communicating with each other lovingly and honestly.

Dig a Little Deeper

Conscious uncoupling, where slight rejections and small disagreements drift couples apart is a reality. 

The key to avoiding this is to dig deeper and find out the small details and core issues that turn into a big problem later. Talking about and clearing these issues is crucial for a long and healthy relationship.

Balancing Other Responsibilities

Daily responsibilities and other things that need our attention (like child care, or aging parents) can take their toll on relationships.\

Clear communication and daily check-ins are what's required in this case, as is being clear about your own needs.

Focusing on the Outcome

Before saying something that may hurt your partner, like a 'hard talk' session, it is a good idea to start in a kinder note, putting your intended talk in the right context, focusing on the positive outcome, and not on the problem itself.

Starting these conversations at the earliest is the best way to go, as the inertia can build up to include further resentments and negative feelings. If couples are not communicating when the problems arise, these issues can manifest in other ways, like disinterest or an affair.

A Gratitude List

Remembering all the good things about your partner with a 'gratitude list' is a great way to keep things in perspective, as there are moments in a long-term relationship when you will perceive your partner as unhealed, needy or unattractive.

If you are not taking care, are neglecting or rejecting yourself, this can make their partner also reject you eventually. Speaking to your partner with respect and love puts them up back on the correction course.

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Make small talk

You communicate a genuine interest when you inquire or listen to the small details that make up your partner’s day. It’s those insignificant moments that make up the reality of our lives.

Shared experiences
We feel closer to others when we can talk about the experiences we have in common. 

Words are not necessary for shared feelings to improve a relationship. Just doing something at the same time—riding bikes, watching a movie, or eating dessert, intensifies both pleasant and unpleasant experiences.

Listen carefully
Knowing that you are being heard is one of the experiences most likely to cement a feeling of connection to another. 

Use a technique called “active listening” - a form of listening in which you acknowledge that you understand what is being said. 

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Responding To Urgency

Stay-in-love couples are authentic, open, and self-reliant, but they also urgently need one another at times. They trust each other won’t take advantage of their availability but know&n...

Dealing Constructively With Control

Stay-in-love partners know that the need to feel in control at times is natural and that it offers an opportunity for learning and helping each other. Partners have confidence in their own autonomy to not react defensively or take it personally. 

Parenting Each Other

As relationships mature, many begin to feel less willing to give that kind of unconditional nurturing, and might not be as available. 

Stay-in-love couples understand the importance of not letting those special “sweet spots” die. They know that their partner sometimes needs to feel that guaranteed comfort and safety, and are more than willing to act as the good parent when asked. 

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Solutions To Basic Communication Mistakes
  • Criticism: complain without blame.
  • Content: regularly express appreciation, gratitude, affection, and respect for your partner.
  • Defensiveness: accept respo...
Couples Who Stayed Together
  • When disconnected, they ache for reconciliation. 
  • avoid blaming each other in arguments or disputes, 
  • try to meet one another’s needs 
  • parent each other a little
  • understand that the future and relationships are uncertain.
Potential External Threats

Be proactive about warding off threats to your relationship. Avoid lots of time apart, or unwise behavior such as hanging out with people you used to be on/off with.

You can’t guarantee fidelity, but you can do your best to make the relationship the container that you each value so highly, that going elsewhere isn’t desirable.

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