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Relight the fire: how to fall back in love with your partner

Nurture Your Relationship

Our relationships have been sidelined, with excitement and novelty taking a backseat, due to our lives daily struggle.
The forgotten skill of nurturing and prioritizing your relationship is imperative. Example: Daily time together, communicating with each other lovingly and honestly.

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Relight the fire: how to fall back in love with your partner

Relight the fire: how to fall back in love with your partner

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/feb/04/relight-the-fire-how-to-fall-back-in-love-with-your-partner

theguardian.com

8

Key Ideas

Rekindling the Fire

Many couples have reached a cozy state of companionship. The humdrumness of life affects the long-term relationship.

It is not uncommon to lose the 'fire' and is unrealistic to expect consistency.

Though love, sex, and intimacy do fluctuate over our lifetimes, there are several possible ways to reconnect with your partner and rekindle the relationship.

Love Progression

As the initial stage of love fades away, a deeper, richer sense of each other should take its place, and couples can find more ways to make things interesting and fun.

Look With New Eyes

Staying curious about each other and finding things, memories, places, and activities that are yet to be shared or experienced together is a great way to rekindle the relationship.
Revisiting your past and finding ways to connect better by looking at the other with 'new' eyes makes us see many things that were overlooked earlier.

Nurture Your Relationship

Our relationships have been sidelined, with excitement and novelty taking a backseat, due to our lives daily struggle.
The forgotten skill of nurturing and prioritizing your relationship is imperative. Example: Daily time together, communicating with each other lovingly and honestly.

Dig a Little Deeper

Conscious uncoupling, where slight rejections and small disagreements drift couples apart is a reality. 

The key to avoiding this is to dig deeper and find out the small details and core issues that turn into a big problem later. Talking about and clearing these issues is crucial for a long and healthy relationship.

Balancing Other Responsibilities

Daily responsibilities and other things that need our attention (like child care, or aging parents) can take their toll on relationships.\

Clear communication and daily check-ins are what's required in this case, as is being clear about your own needs.

Focusing on the Outcome

Before saying something that may hurt your partner, like a 'hard talk' session, it is a good idea to start in a kinder note, putting your intended talk in the right context, focusing on the positive outcome, and not on the problem itself.

Starting these conversations at the earliest is the best way to go, as the inertia can build up to include further resentments and negative feelings. If couples are not communicating when the problems arise, these issues can manifest in other ways, like disinterest or an affair.

A Gratitude List

Remembering all the good things about your partner with a 'gratitude list' is a great way to keep things in perspective, as there are moments in a long-term relationship when you will perceive your partner as unhealed, needy or unattractive.

If you are not taking care, are neglecting or rejecting yourself, this can make their partner also reject you eventually. Speaking to your partner with respect and love puts them up back on the correction course.

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Avoiding Routine

Trying new things will keep the relationship from coasting into routine. this drives up the dopamine system and can sustain feelings of romantic love.

This doesn’t have to be a major change, like taking a trip around the world or deciding to have a baby. Little things, like trying a new recipe together, or going for a walk around the block instead of staying in for a movie, can provide the novelty your brain craves.

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Touch is proven to foster connection, it drives up the oxytocin system and can give you feelings of deep attachment to your partner. 

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Dealing Constructively With Control

Stay-in-love partners know that the need to feel in control at times is natural and that it offers an opportunity for learning and helping each other. Partners have confidence in their own autonomy to not react defensively or take it personally. 

Parenting Each Other

As relationships mature, many begin to feel less willing to give that kind of unconditional nurturing, and might not be as available. 

Stay-in-love couples understand the importance of not letting those special “sweet spots” die. They know that their partner sometimes needs to feel that guaranteed comfort and safety, and are more than willing to act as the good parent when asked. 

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