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Relight the fire: how to fall back in love with your partner
Dig a Little Deeper
Conscious uncoupling, where slight rejections and small disagreements drift couples apart is a reality.
The key to avoiding this is to dig deeper and find out the small details and core issues that turn into a big problem later. Talking about and clearing these issues is crucial for a long and healthy relationship.
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Key Ideas
Responding To Urgency
Stay-in-love couples are authentic, open, and self-reliant, but they also urgently need one another at times. They trust each other won’t take advantage of their availability but know&n...
Dealing Constructively With Control
Stay-in-love partners know that the need to feel in control at times is natural and that it offers an opportunity for learning and helping each other. Partners have confidence in their own autonomy to not react defensively or take it personally.
Parenting Each Other
As relationships mature, many begin to feel less willing to give that kind of unconditional nurturing, and might not be as available.
Stay-in-love couples understand the importance of not letting those special “sweet spots” die. They know that their partner sometimes needs to feel that guaranteed comfort and safety, and are more than willing to act as the good parent when asked.
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Key Ideas
The Benefits Of Sex
Schedule it if necessary. Having sex regularly helps with keeping a relationship from going stale and drives up the testosterone system, which makes you want to have more sex.
You also...
Avoiding Routine
Trying new things will keep the relationship from coasting into routine. this drives up the dopamine system and can sustain feelings of romantic love.
This doesn’t have to be a major change, like taking a trip around the world or deciding to have a baby. Little things, like trying a new recipe together, or going for a walk around the block instead of staying in for a movie, can provide the novelty your brain craves.
The Benefits Of Touch
Touch is proven to foster connection, it drives up the oxytocin system and can give you feelings of deep attachment to your partner.
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Key Ideas
Causing unintentional harm
We all cause harm to our partner and the intimacy between us. We make mistakes that are foolish and unintentional and sometimes launch attacks on purpose.
When you wound another, apologi...
How to give an apology
A good apology takes two people: the giver and the receiver. An apology that heals is based on kindness, generosity, and compassion.
The recipient accepts it with grace and, in turn, offers forgiveness. Without forgiveness, it cannot heal.
The mindful apology in practice
- Repair: An apology that rebuilds intimacy should have three parts: you need to own the mistake, and then you need to repair the damage. Lastly, you need to vow to improve.
- Forgive: If you have been hurt, you may never completely forget, but you can choose to forgive. To decide to forgive means that you don't relive something that belongs to the past.
- Begin again: Unfinished business will accumulate. Let go of the small and the large wounds, so they don't pile up.