Quick background on this one. People with high emotional intelligence understand that if you want someone to agree with you, or to choose the course of action you want them to follow, it makes sense to make it easy for them to do so.

Actually, this is a great example to leave things on, because it illustrates how practicing emotional intelligence doesn't always mean being nice to people. That can be a great side-effect, but it's not the ultimate goal.

“There is no separation of mind and emotions; emotions, thinking, and learning are all linked.”

-Eric Jensen

If there's a person on this beautiful planet of ours who isn't flattered when asked to give their advice, I haven't met them. So, almost no matter what else you follow this question with, people with high emotional intelligence know that it's geared to trigger a warm response.

But, there's ...

Politeness costs nothing. But people with high emotional intelligence understand that gratitude is one of the keys to happiness in life, which can only leave people feeling good about those who express it to them.

• Bonus point no. 1: Find opportunities to end conversations with expressi...

Bottom line, the request suggests that others have or know something you don't. Emotionally intelligent people know that increases pride, and interest, and maybe willingness to cooperate.

•  (Bonus level on this one, the next time you see the same person? "I took your suggestion ...

• Bonus point no. 2: Saying "You're welcome," instead of more dismissive phrases like "No problem," acknowledges that you've done something for someone else that is worthy of gratitude. It's a trigger for positive reactions in others.

They're such short phrases, and we use them all...

We'll end with a phrase that's truly next-level, because it probably presages something negative, but it works anyway. In short, these six words can only be taken as a compliment, but they're very likely to be followed by something more difficult:

• "I expect a lot from you, but this tim...

Yes, I listed this one next because it's the seeming opposite of the previous phrase. But, good fences make good neighbors, and healthy boundaries make for healthy relationships.

In short, people with high emotional intelligence understand that saying no when they're offered something they...

It sounds basic, but this is the exact opposite of the way many people try to persuade others to do things: basically by brute force. Just imagine the emotional reaction you'd have to someone saying each of the following two things to you, and comparatively how likely you'd be to go along:

There's a lot of power packed into these six words, and emotionally intelligent people appreciate why.

First, no matter what happens after this sentence, you've signaled to someone else that you care to make the attempt to understand where they're coming from. You're not assuming you under...

On Dax Shepherd's Armchair Expert podcast, Bill Gates once explained how this kind of approach was key to his leadership style at Microsoft. Actually, Gates used a slightly different phrase: "The reason you're here is because you're amazing."

But, as you might expect, it was often followed ...

"Why" is a magic word. It's like a linguistic can opener that pries motivations free, and separates emotion from objectivity.

• "Why are we all competing to buy the same product?"
• "Why am I working so hard on this one particular project?"
• "Why am I so quick to respond wh...

Finally, it's powerful because if you're asking to understand, you're not saying things that are less effective at building rapport; for example, summarily assuming "Look, I know how you feel."

Whether we're talking about people's deep convictions, or their experiences -- or even the detail...

People who challenge themselves to ask this question over and over, both silently (to themselves) and out loud, are more likely to find the things that they're emotionally motivated to achieve, and to avoid the ones they don't.

And when they find unhealthy emotions acting as the driving for...

See what I mean? Granted, "I make this mistake" is a bit of a placeholder phrase on this list; the point is to use your words to create emotional safety valves that make it easier for people to shed negative emotions in any situation, and simply act in your interest.

Starting out by stating...