I got to know Alessio at the university course on Automatic Controllers. And we decided to study together for the exam.In three months, we bonded a lot. And he understood I was broken, even if I never said anything. After the exam, he wanted to thank me for helping him. So he gifted me The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson.It may be just me giving it too much value. It might not be anything special. But that was the first book that changed my life. It taught me the philosophy of small daily steps. And it gave me hope.

1 — The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson (1)

I wish I could tell you reading a few books was enough. But that would be a lie. I didn’t know what would work. So, I had to try many things.After that rainy day, I knew I had to change something — many things, to be fair. But I had no clue where to start from. So, I made the mistake anyone would make on their first time trying to become a better person.I consumed anything I found. And unfortunately, the worst things attract you the most — especially when you’re suffering.

The Self-Improvement Path (1)

There wasn’t anything in my life worth a story. Or, at least, that’s what I thought. So, every time I was with someone, I would panic. I would <a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/p/3-simple-rules-to-boost-your-storytelling">say something stupid </a>or uninteresting. They would eventually leave. And I would get back to my solitude.Then, I read Models by Mark Manson.

The Friendship Challenge (2)

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Grit has two components: passion and perseverance. So, you will succeed if you commit to passionate work and never give up.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">You can build passion only if you enjoy the things you do. You have to use a childish approach towards those activities you like and look at them with curiosity.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Goals must be challenging. Otherwise, you won’t learn anything new. And you will get bored to keep going. But challenges also imply failures. And you have to learn to get over them.</li></ul>

Lessons I Learned

It took me a year to fix my communication. But once I did it, there was only one thing left I always wanted to try — personal finance.Everybody wishes to become rich. But it becomes necessary when you live half of your life in poverty. And it is so hardcoded in your brain that you can’t even spend a cent without calculating how much you worked for it.My parents sacrificed their friends and families to come here in Italy. They wished to give me and my sister better opportunities. And they succeeded — we both have good jobs. But the fear of getting back to poverty never gets away.

How To Get Rich

I was listening to Choke by OneRepublic. My girlfriend dumped me two hours earlier. And I just wanted to get home. But I was stuck there, in that cold train station.I smiled, thinking about the irony — I was also stuck in life. I had no close friends. I didn’t know what I wished to do in life. And I hated myself for not knowing what to do next.What do you do without a girlfriend?What do you do without friends?And what am I supposed to do now that I am alone?

What do I do now?

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">The first weeks of any detox will hurt like fiery ashes on your skin. But the feeling of success at the end of the journey pays off.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Spending time alone helps you understand who you are. You can find your purpose only when you remain alone and question yourself and your actions.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">You can leave the house without your phone. In 99% of cases, you will feel like you need it. But in 99% of cases, you will realize you don’t.</li></ul>

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">People empathize with your vulnerability. So, instead of trying to hide your flaws, show them to anyone. They will appreciate your honesty and feel you are more authentic.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Find your unique style. Don’t fall for trends or branded products — they represent a lack of creativity.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Polarize people with your behavior and words. Don’t be afraid to behave and say what you think. A reaction is always better than indifference.</li></ul>

I read many books on personal finance and investing. But The Psychology of Money will always be my favorite because it explains how humans think about money. Before getting my first job, I read a few things about investing. And I knew the more I waited, the longer it would take me to multiply my net worth. So, as I got my first job in 2019, I invested almost all of my money in an aggressive wallet.But I made a mistake.

5 — The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel (1)

Deep Work was the book that taught me how to focus. But I needed Digital Minimalism to get back on track.I was living in a new stressful situation. I was working on myself and still couldn’t see any results. And worst of all, I couldn’t stop checking my ex’s profiles. I became a digital stalker.But my smartphone addiction went further. I was also checking on all my friends’ profiles, trying to make contact.

2 — Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport (1)

It all started on a rainy day and a delayed train - that’s when I realized I was stuck, with no friends, and completely alone.But being alone can be an opportunity if you decide to use it. So don’t worry if you are living in the same situation.The first step is acknowledgment. Then comes personal growth. And finally, you will thrive. But you have to start somewhere.So, this month, I challenge you to read one of the books I suggested and apply its lessons in your life. Track your progress and see how it goes.[DOWNLOAD THE <a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/p/you-only-need-to-read-5-books">FREE INFOGRAPHIC HERE</a>]

You're reading an excerpt from <a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/">The Challenge</a> — a weekly newsletter dedicated to self-improvement, goal-setting, habits, time management, and health tips.Every week, you'll receive:<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">A life-enhancing challenge</li><li class="ql-align-justify">A custom infographic to track your progress</li></ul><a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/subscribe">Subscribe now</a> and start your first challenge.

The Challenge

I was desperately searching for someone to talk with. But nobody wanted to talk to me. And it was painful.Digital Minimalism helped me stop. It helped me understand I was cluttering my mind with useless information that made me miserable. And that I had to declutter my environment.That was the first time I experienced a 30-day digital declutter challenge. It was harder than working out every day for a year. But it helped me reconnect with my values and leave out my toxic addiction to my smartphone.

2 — Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport (2)

For the first two weeks, I tried to <a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/p/the-benefits-of-morning-routines">build new healthy habits</a>.<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">I meditated first thing in the morning and then went for a run.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">In the evening, I wrote a gratefulness journal and read at least 20 pages of a book.</li></ul>But I couldn’t stop checking my ex’s Instagram profile. I couldn’t get away from my phone and computer. And I desperately needed to find a way because it affected my motivation.Luckily, in that period, Cal Newport released his bestseller-to-be Digital Minimalism .

The Social Media Dilemma (2)

Guys would do anything to get laid — it’s not a generalization.The absence of friends was painful. But the lack of an interesting conversation with a woman in six months was worse.I had many opportunities — surprisingly, I never missed those. But I didn’t know what to say. I froze even in front of women who clearly stated their interest.

4 — Models by Mark Manson (1)

A few months later, COVID happened. The markets were crushed. And my wallet reached a minimum of -15%. It was painful to see all my money losing value every day. But thanks to The Psychology of Money , I resisted. And five years later, the trend inverted, and my wallet reached +17%.

5 — The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel (2)

I woke up every morning in the same old routine. I knew I had to change. But I couldn’t find the motivation and willpower to get started. I spent my money on gadgets and distractions. I made excuses, telling myself they would make me feel better. But the next day, I was still broken. The only thing that changed was the summary in my bank account.

The Self-Improvement Path (2)

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">All of us have the potential to get richer. But we have to keep our emotions under control and follow a cold investing strategy even if it doesn’t pay off immediately.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Anyone can start saving money with the right mindset. But not everybody wants to do it.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">History can only teach you what happened in the past. In finance, history is rarely an indicator of future success or failure.</li></ul>

<a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/p/how-do-i-stop-feeling-lonely">When you feel alone</a>, making new friends is challenging. Or, at least, that’s what happened to me.I was needy. I wanted to make contact desperately. And I didn’t want to be alone anymore.I had two good friends, but we never hung out that often. And I never asked them because I was afraid to lose them too. Yet, I had a few opportunities to connect with somebody new. But I didn’t know what to say.

The Friendship Challenge (1)

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Spread the word! Share <a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/">The Challenge</a> with friends and family.</li><li class="ql-align-justify"><a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/subscribe">Subscribe today</a> to support the ongoing creation of this content.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Want more? Explore my other work at <a href="https://www.cosmopolitanmindset.com/">Cosmopolitan Mindset</a>.</li></ul>

Next Steps

I wanted to <a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/p/5-storytelling-mistakes">become a better communicator</a>. I wanted to become a more interesting person. And that’s what Models did for me — it gave me the blueprint to change my personality.I don’t know if introverts and extroverts can switch and how often it happens. But from the shy guy in the corner of the room, I became the shining star in the middle of the dance floor. And it was amazing. One of the achievements I am most proud of.

4 — Models by Mark Manson (2)

Talented people usually expect to win. And when they don’t, they give up. On the contrary, failing becomes normal if you learn to overcome it many times.

I build a running habit for six months. But then, I had to stop for a week and never started over.Every time I failed, it was heartbreaking. I felt like I was useless. And all my trauma and blaming issues caused by the end of the relationships came to the surface. So, I had to <a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/p/7-simple-steps-to-set-life-goals">learn how to deal with failure</a>.

Dealing with Failures (2)

I still remember the exact moment I realized I was stuck. It was a Sunday afternoon, and it was raining.I was at the train station, waiting for the train. But the rain caused many delays — mine was 180 minutes.How much should it rain to delay a train for three hours? These were the dumb questions I asked myself.

Being Stuck In Life

I never heard about the Growth Rules, the Pareto Principle, or Atomic Habits before. But Olson’s examples on how reading ten pages a day could change my life blew my mind.It’s a simple book. It doesn’t want to be anything fancy. But it teaches you that daily actions and discipline pay off more than any other strategy. You may have the best productivity systems ever created. You may also have more free time or financial resources than anyone else. But if you don’t work on your goals daily, they will never come true.

1 — The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson (2)

I tried to make new friends. But every time I talked with somebody new, I didn’t know what to tell them. I felt like there was nothing special in my life worth sharing. And I was right.I kept collecting all that knowledge but my life wasn’t improving. So, I decided I had enough — I had to start fresh. I had to start somewhere new. That’s when a friend gifted me The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson.

The Self-Improvement Path (3)

I learned how to build habits and focus on them. But still, there are many things in life you can’t foresee.When I started a new habit or project, I was motivated and ready to do whatever it took. But I didn’t have the patience. I started my first <a href="https://medium.com/@cosminangheluta">blog on Medium </a>and wrote for three months. But then, I gave up because I didn’t feel good enough.

Dealing with Failures (1)

I loved The Slight Edge because it gave me hope. For the first time, I was confident I would get my life back.I wanted to meet new people. I wanted to learn new things and travel the world. It reignited my passion. But it couldn’t do anything with my distracted mind.

The Social Media Dilemma (1)

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Small daily habits can make or break your life. If you <a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/p/the-habit-hacking-formula">craft good habits </a>, you will succeed. If you keep bad habits, you will fail.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Time is a lens — it magnifies your discipline. Everything evolves if you give it enough time.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Simple plans win over complicated schedules only because they are easier to execute.</li></ul>

Grit was a lucky find.I bought and downloaded it on my Kobo months earlier. But then, I forgot about it. And one day, I found it in my library.I still remember empathizing with the author and her relationship with her father. I lived the same things. And only lately, I’ve been building a relationship with my dad.He also never thought I could make it as a writer. And every time I failed, those memories came back to bite me. But Grit taught me that <a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/p/building-grit-how-to-fight-life-challenges">skill is more important than talent </a>.

3 — Grit by Angela Duckworth (1)

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What do I do now?

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