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The Art of the Apology
They're about taking responsibility for unintentionally (or even intentionally) hurting someone emotionally or physically.
You apologize less because of you and your crime, but because of its effects on someone, usually someone you say you care about.
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Key Ideas
The only time to apologize is when you’re genuinely remorseful.
Avoid any apology that is forced. The person you are apologizing to will pick up on your ...
In order to show your sincerity when apologizing, you must be honest and vulnerable. That can lead to the cultivation of meaningful relationships. It can also lead to rejection, which is what makes it so scary.
When you apologize, be willing to share openly and candidly, allowing emotions to flow freely, so that you can be fully seen.
Take responsibility for your actions and admit your mistakes or transgressions. State them out loud. Yes, it will be scary. It will feel shameful for a time. But it is worth it.
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Key Ideas
We all cause harm to our partner and the intimacy between us. We make mistakes that are foolish and unintentional and sometimes launch attacks on purpose.
When you wound another, apologi...
A good apology takes two people: the giver and the receiver. An apology that heals is based on kindness, generosity, and compassion.
The recipient accepts it with grace and, in turn, offers forgiveness. Without forgiveness, it cannot heal.
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Key Ideas
Apologies bring us face-to-face with the fact that we have something to apologize for, triggering a sense of guilt and shame.
Saying sorry puts one’s shameful beha...
When people focus on their core values, they seem to become more willing to sincerely apologize.
By understanding the many barriers to an apology— the indifference to another’s pain or the fraying of a relationship—we can glimpse what’s holding us back from saying “I’m sorry” in a particular situation.
From there, we have the opportunity to change course and let the healing begin.
A high-quality apology has three elements: