“The cultural obsession with chasing happiness, shielding oneself from anything triggering, and the idea that life is primarily good and any challenge we face is a mistake of fate actually weakens us mentally.”Our minds need adversity. They are anti-fragile which means they actually get better with adversity. We need a challenge to be our best.Anti-fragile things need tension, resistance, adversity and pain to transform and become stronger.If you stay away from any real challenge in your life, your brain will compensate by inventing a challenge to overcome and create anxiety.

Our Brains Need Challenge

“You realize that action leads to results and if you want to control the outcomes in your life, you need to adjust your habits.”

“Mental strength is not just hoping nothing ever goes wrong, it’s believing you have the capacity to handle it if it does.”

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

You are not supposed to feel happy all of the time. Trying to feel happy all the time is not the solution, it’s the problem.We’re obsessed as a culture with happiness. This hurts us, as it stops us from trying and doing hard things, or has us judging things in our life that are difficult and hard.Mental strength requires you have the ability to let difficult emotions pass through. They are a part of life.Life isn’t about chasing huge overwhelming highs. It is about leaning into the little joys consistently.Real joy is finding happiness where you are and how you are.

We’re Not Supposed To Be Happy All The Time

Self sabotage shows up when you have two conflicting desires. One is conscious, one is unconscious.Self sabotage is a maladaptive coping mechanism that shows up as a way to keep us comfortable and safe. It is a way to give ourselves what we need, without having to address what that need really is.Your unhelpful habits or behaviors, the ones you feel powerless to stop, are skillfully designed by your subconscious to meet an unacknowledged need or desire. They serve a purpose . . . you just need to get deeper to understand what that purpose is.

Self Sabotage Is A Form Of Self Protection

“It is essential that you learn to take action before you feel like doing it. Taking action builds momentum and creates motivation.”

To overcome self sabotage, you have to take action in the area that you are uncomfortable.Conscious, dedicated and uncomfortable action is what helps you create the life you truly desire.Prioritizing comfort is a form of self sabotage that will simply keep you stuck where you currently are.

You Have To Claim The Life You Want - It Won’t Be Handed To You

Healing isn’t linear. It’s a process, that can be thought of as “positive disintegration”. This forces us to rebuild our self concept.This helps us find the most empowered version of ourselves. We leave naivety behind, and instead find self-responsibility.Through positive disintegration you can ultimately find inner strength and realize you have the power. You can redirect your life. Instead of what you can’t control, you find your life can be built on what you do. When you heal you become stronger where you were broken. This builds self-trust.

To Become Our Most Powerful, We Must Heal

Even though we think we’re programmed to find happiness, we’re actually programmed to seek whatever we are most used to.Human beings have a natural resistance to the unknown. It is the ultimate loss of control.Self sabotage is often a simple product of unfamiliarity and anything that is foreign, even if good, will be uncomfortable until it is familiar.We’re programmed to seek what we’ve known. Even though we think we’re after happiness, we’re actually trying to find what we’re most used to. Comfort. This makes us feel safe, which is a natural human evolutionary drive.

We Resist The Unknown

“When we face a problem that is circumstantial, we are facing the reality of life. When we face a problem that is chronic, we are facing the reality of ourselves.”

We have to disconnect action from feeling. We become comfortable with what we repeatedly do. When we are changing our behaviors, initially it will feel uncomfortable, and we have to override this with logical and reason, and not be driven by emotionality.Your emotions do not have to control your behaviors. Make them conscious, as only then can you choose how you want to behave rather then have your feelings and emotions unconsciously in charge of how you behave.

Your Emotions Do Not Need To Control Your Behavior

Be grateful for the person that has got you this far, and lean into your future self, the person you want to become, because that is who will lead you forward.Your life is defined by what you think about yourself - Your self-concept. This is an idea you’ve spent whole life building.As we update our self concept, our beliefs about ourselves begin to change. We can align these toward what our future self truly desires, and start adopting the behaviors that will allow us to become that person.

Let Your Future Self Lead You Forward

If you are constantly stressed, panicked and unhappy, something is wrong, and it is an invitation to look deeper.You cannot simply love yourself out of this. That is a form of denial that will just prolong your suffering.You must get out of denial and into clarity about what is really wrong.Once you make a decision that you are no longer are willing to feel a certain way, you have an opportunity to reinvent who you truly are.Your rock bottom is the place where you face reality and can rebuild a new version of you.

Face What Isn’t Working

It’s easier to pretend that you’re not responsible for your life and the outcomes. But this will not get you the life you want.Don’t focus on what you can’t control. The majority of your life is the direct result of your actions, decisions and choices.Believing only in fate makes you mentally weak. It places you in the passenger seat when you need to be behind the wheel of your life. You have the power to influence what you experience in life.Start putting your energy into actions that will build the life you want. Take responsibility for the outcomes in your life.

Your Actions Create Your Life

“Self sabotage comes from belief systems. What you believe about your life is what you will make true about your life.”

The greatest act of self love is to no longer accept a life you are unhappy with.

How to get out of denial - get real with yourself and stop settling for less than you deserve from yourself.If you think you could be doing better in life, you might be right. If you sense you have more potential, you might be right. Kidding yourself about this reality doesn’t serve you.Denying reality does not help us get closer to who we want to be. It keeps us stuck.If you are constantly rationalizing your life, making excuses for your behavior, and justifying - you’re in denial.If you want to get closer to who you really want to be, you have to take full responsibility for your life.

Clarity Requires You Get Out Of Denial

A guide to help illuminate the deeper why’s behind your self-sabotage, this book offers ideas to help move you from where you are to the person you want to be. The gap between is what Wiest refers to as - the mountain.

THIS IS A BOOK ABOUT SELF-SABOTAGE.Why we do it, when we do it, and how to stop doing it-for good.Coexisting but conflicting needs create self-sabotaging behaviors. This is why we resist efforts to change, often until they feel completely futile. But by extracting crucial insight from our most damaging habits, building emotional intelligence by better understanding our brains and bodies, releasing past experiences at a cellular level, and learning to act as our highest potential future selves, we can step out of our own way and into our potential.For centuries, the mountain has been used as a metaphor for the big challenges we face, especially ones that seem impossible to overcome. To scale our mountains, we actually have to do the deep internal work of excavating trauma, building resilience, and adjusting how we show up for the climb.In the end, it is not the mountain we master, but ourselves.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

mentalhealth

Mental Health

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Books

Brianna Wiest is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Brianna Wiest has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Brianna Wiest's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Your Emotions Do Not Need To Control Your Behavior

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