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How to Rebuild Your Confidence
Confidence is essentially about expectations
You think you'll excel, but considering the probability of success and feeling confident is not that easy.
Framing effects happen when the same thing looks different when the context change. If you're a good student in a mediocre class, you feel smarter than if you're a good student in an elite class.
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Building and reguilding confidence
Rebuilding confidence is not the same as building confidence.
- When building confidence, you're trying to do something you're not sure you can do.
- However, rebuilding confidence means you used to be good, but failed at some point. Getting back is much harder to do.
Relearning confidence
When practicing a skill that you have forgotten, you may lack the confidence to pick it up again.
However, those doubts are exaggerated. Not remembering is normal, and relearning happens faster than you may expect. Yet, you may still lack self-confidence, which will undermine your self-image and motivation.
Play over Performance
When we improve in a skill, our mindset will start to shift from play to performance. Rebuilding confidence requires you to relive that initial play mindset.
- Make failures painless. Your first practice should have zero consequences. Do warm-up exercises for low stakes before you put on pressure to perform. However, if you review your skill but continue to get everything wrong, it is a signal to stop.
- Expect frustration and failure. When you expect failure, it won't bother you so much when performance suffers. Set the bar lower.
- Trust the rebuilding process. You don't need confidence that you will excel, just confidence that you'll eventually rebuild your confidence.
- Reframe your expectations. You have no responsibility to live up to other people's expectations of you.
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Note-taking: a powerful tool for learning
- Notes extend your memories: writing can be seen as an external enhancement of your brain, allowing you to think more complicated thoughts and solve harder problems.
- Not...
Figure out your purpose
Ask yourself why are you reading:
- What am I trying to remember?
- How am I going to use this information? (e.g. on a test, cited in an essay, etc.)
- What do I plan to do with the notes later? Will you be studying off of them extensively? Or maybe you’re just taking notes to stay focused, and it’s highly unlikely you’ll look through them after?
Strategies for note-taking
- Jot notes in the margin. These aren’t particularly searchable, but they allow you to reiterate the main idea.
- Keep a small notepad on the side, take breaks each section to jot down the main ideas.
- Create flashcards. In the rarer situations where memorization of details is important, then a simple strategy can be to just create flashcards while you take notes.
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The limits of habits
Habit-building is a powerful tool for self-improvement. But the power of the tool can also create some overreach. In one way, habits will fail to form.
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Not all behaviors can be easily automated
Many habits are simply routines, but not all of them. _For example, there isn't a habit for a hard workout at the gym - you won't become absent-minded midway through a benchpress.
- Habits are behaviors that flow automatically from a set of prompts.
- Routines are behaviors we repeatedly do but involve many deliberate actions done with some effort and thinking.
Habits aren’t commitments
- A commitment is a rule you've added for yourself. "I must exercise five times per week." But if you break that commitment, it can result in a backsliding effect.
- A habit is that behavior that happens automatically from a triggering situation.
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Improvement with learning
From the moment we are born, we are always learning new skills. We see it in formal capacities in school or on the job, and informally, like learning from you buddy how to grill a steak.
Tony Robbins
“One skill you want to master in this day and age we live in, if you want to have an extraordinary life, is the ability to learn rapidly.”
Select your skill carefully
Be very selective in the skill you're trying to masker to avoid sabotaging your success:
- Make sure it's applicable: The perfect skill either solves a problem you have or scratches an itch you have.
- Be very specific: Specific goals are easier to pursue than vague counterparts. To set yourself up, narrow your skill down as much as possible. Ask what specific problem are you trying to solve, and find out what aspects you find most fascinating.
- Make sure you love the process, not just the outcome: Pick a skill where the road is as exciting as the outcome. Then plan out celebration points along the way.
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