Emotional Resilience

Resilience isn’t something you’re born with, but something you build. 

Psychologists say it’s comprised of behaviors, thoughts and actions that anyone can learn — a skill that can be improved, just like running or speaking a new language.

• Relying on others. Resilience has a lot to do with leaning on the people around you and with developing strong, supportive connections.
  
• Trust your own abilities. Keep a list of accomplishments you’re proud of to serve as a reminder of the times you’ve been resilient before.
• Be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to set physical, mental and emotional boundaries.
• Change your outlook. While you can’t always control the situation, you do have control over how you respond to it. Cultivate optimism in the face of adversity.
• Take the next step, even if it’s small. Build hope. Make a list that includes a goal, steps to achieve it, potential obstacles and strategies to overcome them.

Reading connects us to people across time and space.

• Research shows that those who read the Bible more tended to have a stronger sense of purpose.
• Reading fiction also seems to make a difference. By seeing purpose in the lives of other people, we are more likely to see it in our own.

Finding purpose is not just an intellectual pursuit, it is something we need to feel. That's why purpose can grow out of suffering.

You have to recognize that you have the choice in how you react to situations.

This will empower you to work with the challenges that you face in your life: you'll have clarity, focus and a purpose.

... to control your emotions:

• S – Stop
• T – Take A Breath
• O – Observe – your thoughts and feelings
• P- Pull Back – put in some perspective – what is the bigger picture?
• P – Practice What Works – Proceed – what is the best thing to do right now?

It is speculated that people confuse daydreams for reality. The warm emotions from the fantasies lead them to feel as if they'd already met their goals. It results in not putting in the hard work needed for success.

Positive thinking on its own could be counter-productive. Research shows that dieters who fantasized about weight loss are less likely to lose weight. Students who dream of academic success tend to get worse grades than those who don't.

Mental contrasting is engaging in a positive fantasy, followed by thinking about the obstacles that might stop you from achieving that goal.

Mental contrasting is a versatile and valuable tool. It is particularly effective when it is combined with implementation intentions ("if-then" plans).

It is marked by intense concentration, a sense of timelessness, and a loss of self-consciousness. It’s a deeply healing and enjoyable state and one that greatly contributes to our happiness.

• They meditate.
• They exercise regularly. “Surveys show that exercise may very well be the most effective instant happiness booster of all activities.”
• They stop and smell the roses. 
• They spend time with their furry friends.
• They spend time outside.

Finding ways to laugh at challenges, stressful situations, and even personal tragedy is one way resilient people cope and grow through misfortune.

Being able to laugh at challenges provides distance and perspective, but does so without denying pain or fear.

Helping others benefits the giver as much as those on the receiving end. 

Caring for others triggers the biology of courage and creates hope.

• They have an easy time feeling good and recovering from adversity
• they have close, supportive social connections
• they believe that their presence in the world matters.

1. Purpose. Our purpose is a reflection of our core values, and we feel more purposeful at work when our everyday behaviors and decisions are aligned with those values.
2. Engagement. Prioritise some fun. Take ownership of decisions that affects you. Adopt a flow at work.
3. Resilience. The ability to handle, adapt to, and productively learn from setbacks, failures, and disappointments.
4. Kindness. Being kind at work involves treating others with dignity and respect, extending empathy and compassion, practicing gratitude, and constructively managing conflicts.

You don’t know what you’ve got till its gone. 

Consider the many ways in which important, positive events in your life—such as a job opportunity or educational achievement—could have never taken place, and then reflecting on what your life would be like without them.

We have a tendency to adapt to pleasurable things—a phenomenon called “hedonic adaptation”—and appreciate them less and less over time. 

We can interrupt this process by trying the Give it Up practice, which requires temporarily giving up pleasurable activities and then coming back to them later, this time with greater anticipation and excitement.