Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Expression - Deepstash

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How to Get Better at Expressing Your Feelings

Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Expression

Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Expression
  • Daniel Goleman’s book about emotional intelligence (1995) promoted the idea that the ability to understand and employ emotional information is an important skill.
  • Part of that is expressing our emotions (through writing, body language, or talking with other people), and studies show that this process could have some real health benefits.
  • Research linked the repression of negative emotions to increased stress, and research suggests that writing about feelings is associated with better health outcomes for breast-cancer patients, people with asthma, and people who’ve experienced a traumatic event.

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Emotions are responses to information

Believe wrong information and you’ll experience wrong feelings.

For example, if you think something about a co-worker, don’t trust those feelings and don’t express t...

Feelings are...
  • Responders to perceived reality. They aren’t the reality.
  • Responses to our imagination.
  • Confirmation: Always confirm imagination and perception by investigating reality.
  • Admiration: People admire and respect leaders who control their feelings. Additionally, others feel it’s safe to trust us when we’re stable and predictable.
Make small talk

You communicate a genuine interest when you inquire or listen to the small details that make up your partner’s day. It’s those insignificant moments that make up the reality of our lives.

Shared experiences
We feel closer to others when we can talk about the experiences we have in common. 

Words are not necessary for shared feelings to improve a relationship. Just doing something at the same time—riding bikes, watching a movie, or eating dessert, intensifies both pleasant and unpleasant experiences.

Listen carefully
Knowing that you are being heard is one of the experiences most likely to cement a feeling of connection to another. 

Use a technique called “active listening” - a form of listening in which you acknowledge that you understand what is being said. 

A Zen Parable
There was a man riding on a horse. When a man walking on the road asks him where he is going, the rider replies, “Why are you asking me? You should ask the horse.”

The ho...

Emotional Intelligence

The ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions. -Salovey and Mayer (1990)

Emotional Mastery

It manifests itself in the kind of statements we make about ourselves, in relation to our emotional skills and success.

Qualities such as confidence, awareness and optimism, come under the umbrella of emotional intelligence.