Silence your inner critic: a guide to self-compassion in the toughest times
Self-criticism is often underpinned by a fear of not being good enough, being dismissed or devalued, or seen as undesirable. This triggers our threat system and brings out the worst in our brains.
We also live in a society that is always judging and evaluating us. We are not taught how to deal with suffering.
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It's freeing and relaxing to stop holding yourself to insanely high standards. Success overwhelmingly requires failure and perseverance, not perfection.
So relax your standards ...
Shame works better if we keep it secret. So find the courage to do the counterintuitive thing and tell someone what happened -- invariably those conversations end with laughter.
Instead of feeling like it's some kind of valid feedback, this highlights how consistent the stories are.
We have pretty much the same thoughts today that we had yesterday, which should clue us into the fact that they're habits, not necessarily truths.
We almost all have a character inside our minds that tends to visit us late at night when we're very tired, telling us terrible things in order to destroy our self-confidence and self-c...
You could tell everything as a tragedy, or you could tell an equally valid and far kinder story. You could say that you made some serious errors, as every human will, and you paid the price for them. Nevertheless, you tried to be good and loved a few people properly. Despite everything, your heart is in the right place.
The difference between hope and despair depends on the way of telling conflicting stories from the same facts.
... who has been internalized. You're speaking to yourself as someone else once talked to you or made you feel.
You should acknowledge your failures and be happy to make amends. But you also have to stand back from this critic and question what they are doing in your mind. They don't have a right to walk as they wish through the rooms of your mind.
Our inner critic is the voice from inside our heads, that always puts us under a microscope.
Its "job" is to find and accentuate our failures.
But it is in your power to develop a relationship with it.
Think of your inner critic as a part of you, not all of you. This gives you distance from it and keeps you from attacking yourself.
Give to the voice of Confidence more of the time you were giving to your inner Critic, letting it acknowledge your accomplishments and positive qualities.
You can try imagining Confidence sitting across from you in a chair, as you listen to what it has to say.