Origins of the non-violent communication method - Deepstash

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The scientifically proven, step-by-step guide to having a breakthrough conversation across party lines

Origins of the non-violent communication method

Marshall Rosenberg developed a practical strategy for peaceful conflict resolution called non-violent communication. 

By focusing on language and process, the theory goes, injured parties can shift the tone of their communication and spur collaboration.

This method is now used by companies, conflict negotiators, and personal therapists.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

The scientifically proven, step-by-step guide to having a breakthrough conversation across party lines

The scientifically proven, step-by-step guide to having a breakthrough conversation across party lines

https://qz.com/838321/nonviolent-communication-the-scientifically-proven-step-by-step-guide-to-having-a-breakthrough-conversation-across-party-lines/

qz.com

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Key Ideas

Observe and recap

The Non-violent communication (NVC) process begins with neutral observation.

In conversations, this is most easily done by recapping what someone has said, without emotional input.

That means not attaching any judgment or “story” to your response.

Describe emotions, not positions

For NVC, talk feelings, not issues. 

The hard part in nailing this step is expressing only your own emotional turmoil, rather than translating your emotions into blame. 

Describing feelings of concern, fear, heartbreak, rage, dismay, or confusion are useful.

Identify needs

According to NVC teachings, all of the emotions we experience when we’re upset are connected to an unmet need, which is a requirement for contentment.

In a heated conversation, returning to identifying needs can remove roadblocks.

Make a request

At a certain point in the conversation, it’s time to ask for concrete actions that would help satisfy a need.

These requests will arise organically when both sides are openly connecting. But the ask has to be in a moment of understanding between the parties, or else it risks falling flat.

EXPLORE MORE AROUND THESE TOPICS:

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Reappraising Conversations
Imagining a conversation as a game you are to score as many points as you can. 
6: Shared feeling/experience (that’s when acquaintances become friends)
5: Confirmation of an emotion’s legi...
Don’t Be Self-Centered

It’s key to connecting with people to suspend your ego; to put your own needs, wants and opinions aside. Anxiety does the opposite bringing your feelings and expectations to the forefront.

Focus on the other person. Simply listen to what they have to say and ask them to tell you more. 

Reappraisal

Just because you feel it doesn’t make it real. Feelings come from beliefs. Change the beliefs and feelings will change.

Research and anecdotal evidence show that the simple act of positively reimagining something can be enough to decrease anxiety.

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Perspective-taking

It involves being able to see the point of view of someone you usually consider to be part of an outgroup.

Research finds that being able to offer another point of view - especially if...

Bridging differences

Both perspective-taking and perspective-giving are powerful tools to help negotiate differences, particularly between groups of different power dynamics.

Empathy isn’t enough

Although similar, perspective-taking is not the same as empathy. Empathy falls short in trying to reduce polarization. In fact, empathy appeared to make things worse.

We tend to feel empathy more towards people like us, that we can relate to. If an outgroup attacks an ingroup, the empathic concern doesn't help.

2 more ideas

Develop a taste for small talk

Whenever faced with uncertainty when trying to make conversation, you might want to consider making small talk. 

It can work wonders and it helps with getting to know the other.

Learn to ask the right questions

Making good conversation implies mastering the technique of asking the right questions, in the correct order, in a proper tone.

 The purpose is to get to know the other, without making it feel like an interrogation.

Asking deep questions

Once you have got the chance to get to know a bit more about the other, you can initiate the use of deeper questions. 

These allow you to create a bond and to show to the other person how interested you are in his or her life.