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The scientifically proven, step-by-step guide to having a breakthrough conversation across party lines
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Observe and recap
The Non-violent communication (NVC) process begins with neutral observation.
In conversations, this is most easily done by recapping what someone has said, without emotional input.
That means not attaching any judgment or “story” to your response.
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Describe emotions, not positions
For NVC, talk feelings, not issues.
The hard part in nailing this step is expressing only your own emotional turmoil, rather than translating your emotions into blame.
Describing feelings of concern, fear, heartbreak, rage, dismay, or confusion are useful.
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Identify needs
In a heated conversation, returning to identifying needs can remove roadblocks.
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Make a request
At a certain point in the conversation, it’s time to ask for concrete actions that would help satisfy a need.
These requests will arise organically when both sides are openly connecting. But the ask has to be in a moment of understanding between the parties, or else it risks falling flat.
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Origins of the non-violent communication method
Marshall Rosenberg developed a practical strategy for peaceful conflict resolution called non-violent communication.
By focusing on language and process, the theory goes, injured parties can shift the tone of their communication and spur collaboration.
This method is now used by companies, conflict negotiators, and personal therapists.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Negativity bias and feedback
And we remember criticism strongly but inaccurately. But although criticism is more lik...
Criteria for effective feedback
- The feedback provider is credible in the eyes of the feedback recipient;
- The feedback provider is trusted by the feedback recipient;
- The feedback is conveyed with good intentions;
- The timing and circumstances of giving the feedback are appropriate;
- The feedback is given in an interactive manner;
- The feedback message is clear;
- The feedback is helpful to recipient.
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Constructive engagement
Constructive engagement involves cultivating goodwill between the parties involved.
Fishbowl discussions
This exercise involves members of one party sitting in a circle with the other group sitting around them. The outside group listens quietly while the inside group answers a set of questions.
After each side answered and listened, the moderator brings them together for conversations about what everyone learned. Data suggests that despite strong views, participants change their attitude toward one another for the better.
Disagreement
We regularly find ourselves engaging with people whose core beliefs and values differ from our own. We might want to convince them to adopt our point of view, but this can lead to unproductive conflict.
However, people who disagree passionately can be easily trained to have productive interactions.
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Reappraising Conversations
5: Confirmation of an emotion’s legi...
Don’t Be Self-Centered
It’s key to connecting with people to suspend your ego; to put your own needs, wants and opinions aside. Anxiety does the opposite bringing your feelings and expectations to the forefront.
Focus on the other person. Simply listen to what they have to say and ask them to tell you more.
Reappraisal
Just because you feel it doesn’t make it real. Feelings come from beliefs. Change the beliefs and feelings will change.
Research and anecdotal evidence show that the simple act of positively reimagining something can be enough to decrease anxiety.