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For NVC, talk feelings, not issues.
The hard part in nailing this step is expressing only your own emotional turmoil, rather than translating your emotions into blame.
Describing feelings of concern, fear, heartbreak, rage, dismay, or confusion are useful.
At a certain point in the conversation, it’s time to ask for concrete actions that would help satisfy a need.
These requests will arise organically when both sides are openly connecting. But the ask has to be in a moment of understanding between the parties, or else it risks falling flat.
Marshall Rosenberg developed a practical strategy for peaceful conflict resolution called non-violent communication.
By focusing on language and process, the theory goes, injured parties can shift the tone of their communication and spur collaboration.
This method is now used by companies, conflict negotiators, and personal therapists.
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Constructive engagement involves cultivating goodwill between the parties involved.
This exercise involves members of one party sitting in a circle with the other group sitting around them. The outside group listens quietly while the inside group answers a set of questions.
After each side answered and listened, the moderator brings them together for conversations about what everyone learned. Data suggests that despite strong views, participants change their attitude toward one another for the better.
We regularly find ourselves engaging with people whose core beliefs and values differ from our own. We might want to convince them to adopt our point of view, but this can lead to unproductive conflict.
However, people who disagree passionately can be easily trained to have productive interactions.
It’s key to connecting with people to suspend your ego; to put your own needs, wants and opinions aside. Anxiety does the opposite bringing your feelings and expectations to the forefront.
Focus on the other person. Simply listen to what they have to say and ask them to tell you more.
Just because you feel it doesn’t make it real. Feelings come from beliefs. Change the beliefs and feelings will change.
Research and anecdotal evidence show that the simple act of positively reimagining something can be enough to decrease anxiety.