The Relationship Scorecard - Deepstash
The Relationship Scorecard

The Relationship Scorecard

The relationship devolves into a battle to see who has screwed up the most over the months or years, and therefore who is most indebted to the other.

Not only are you deflecting the current issue by focusing on previous wrongs, but you’re ginning up guilt and bitterness from the past to manipulate your partner into feeling bad in the present.

Accept yout partner for who he is! By choosing to be with your partner, you are choosing to be with all of their prior actions and behaviors

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Displays Of "Loving" Jealousy

Some people describe jealousy as some sort of display of affection, figuring, incorrectly, that if their partner isn’t jealous then that somehow means they don’t love them enough. Rather than being loving, jealousy is actually just controlling and manipulative.

Completely trust your partner! Some jealousy is natural, but excessive jealousy and controlling behaviors are signs of your own feelings of unworthiness, and you should learn to deal with them and not force them onto those close to you.

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How to Turn a Toxic Relationship into a Healthy Relationship

The road from a toxic relationship to a healthy one is not an easy one. If you can do the following three things, you have a shot at making it work:

  • BOTH partners are willing to change: if you’ve both expressed a genuine willingness to work things out, you may proceed…
  • BOTH partners recognize the lack of affection/trust/respect and are willing to work on it
  • BOTH partners can communicate in a healthy way without excessive blaming or judgment.

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Dropping Hints

Instead of saying something outright and out loud, a partner tries to nudge the other in the right direction of figuring it out.

It's a sign that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly. A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing anger or insecurity within a relationship.

State your feelings and desires openly! Make it clear that your partner is not responsible or obligated to those feelings, but that you’d love to have their support.

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Buying The Solutions to Relationship Problems

Whenever a major conflict comes up in a relationship, instead of solving it, you cover it up with the excitement that come with buying something nice.

Not only does buying stuff brush the real problem under the rug but it sets an unhealthy precedent within the relationship.

Deal with the problem. Trust was broken? Talk about what it will take to rebuild it. Someone feels ignored or unappreciated? Talk about ways to restore those feelings of appreciation. Communicate! 

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Blaming Your Partner For Your Emotions

Blaming our partners for our emotions is selfish and a classic example of the poor maintenance of personal boundaries. When you set a precedent that your partner is responsible for how you feel at all times (and vice-versa), this can easily lead to a codependent relationship.

Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for theirs in turn. There’s a subtle yet important difference between being supportive of your partner and being obligated to your partner.

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Holding The Relationship Hostage

It's when one person has a simple criticism or complaint and blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment of the relationship as a whole.

Without the freedom to be honest, a couple will suppress their true thoughts and feelings leading to the creation of an environment of distrust and manipulation.

Remember that two partners who are capable of communicating feedback and criticism without judgment or blackmail will strengthen their commitment to one another in the long-run.

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Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal

A toxic relationship is one where love is prioritized over everything else, including respect, trust, and affection for each other. It’s more than just a “rough patch”—it’s a recurring, long-term pattern of bad behavior on one or both sides.

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It shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another. 

State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to them but that you’d love to have their support.

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Unresolved conflicts

The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth. The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes.

Some conflict is inevitable and there will always be certain things you don’t like about your partner or things you don’t agree with, and that this is fine. You shouldn’t let some disagreements get in the way of what is otherwise a happy and healthy relationship.

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Conflict mistaken for passion

Arguments and disagreements in relationships are normal, but screaming matches and every day fighting isn’t.

People who seek out conflict in their relationship for the intense reconciliation are often addicted to the dopamine that they get after the fight is over – which isn’t healthy for either person.

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