The help-rejecting complainer

We all go through challenging periods in our lives and may find it helpful to talk with friends or family about our struggles.

But for a help-rejecting complainer, complaining is a way of life. They don't want help, only sympathy and validation for their perception of being mistreated and their inability to improve their situation. Because help-rejecting complainers don't want solutions, they tend to drain the energy from the people around them.

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Why some people are help-rejecting complainers

They often suffer from an underlying depression, and depression skews their thinking and make them feel helpless. They also feel lonely, unheard, and unseen in their pain.

They want to connect, but because they are help-rejecting complainers, they push people away, creating a vicious cycle...

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Set a compassionate boundary

When help-rejecting complainers feel heard, they may eventually realise that they can change their position. But they may also continue to complain incessantly.

In that case, you can set a compassionate boundary where you validate their suffering and admit that you...

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Help-rejecting complainers want to feel heard

Don't try to challenge their belief system. The best thing to do is to over-validate their position but without any trace of sarcasm. For example, "Your boss should be fired. It's terrible that there's absolutely nothing you can do to make things better."

Once th...

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