As we lead our kids, there are different phases where our leadership morphs into a new style, always loving but ever guiding the emerging adult.

1. Discipline Phase (Ages 1-5). This is when children learn boundaries.

2. Training Phase (Ages 6-12). This is when children learn to initiate good behavior.

3. Coaching Phase (Ages 13-21). This is when you guide their own decision making.

4. Friendship Phase (Ages 22 and up). This is when you enjoy the fruit of love and respect. 

A hundred years ago, we read stories of how how kids were to speak only when spoken to, and how parents enjoyed a more influential voice in their teens’ lives. In most cases, the acceptable style was command and control. 

Over time, life changed. The change was caused by access to informati...