Worry and bad problem-solving
Worry is an attempt to mentally problem-solve something that either isn’t really a problem or isn’t a problem that’s solvable.
And while problem solving is typically helpful in our lives, worry is just a waste of time and energy if we know it can’t actually produce any results.
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... is an attempt to mentally problem-solve something that either isn’t really a problem or isn’t a problem that’s solvable.
Worry leads to unnecessarily high levels of stress and anxiety and is a potentially tragic waste of time and energy.
- Worry feels good because it gives us something (rather than nothing) to do. And this makes us feel a little less helpless and out of control.
- Like the body craves calories, the mind craves control. When faced with a fearful situation that we can’t actually do anything about, we give ourselves the illusion of control (and relief from helplessness) by engaging worry.
In order to stop running away from the feeling of helplessness, we have to train ourselves to be okay with feeling helpless and out of control.
When you worry, try to identify the cause or trigger for the worry and notice how it makes you feel emotionally. Be willing to just feel and be with your uncomfortable emotions.Just like the body craves calories, the mind craves control. In fact, we can fool our minds into thinking we’re actually solving a problem by running it over and over and over again in our minds. And to make things worse, like junk food, worry also happens to be constantly available, dirt cheap, and instantaneous.
Worry briefly feels good, especially compared to the alternative—doing nothing and just feeling afraid. Worry feels good because it gives us something (rather than nothing) to do. And this makes us feel a little less helpless and out of control.
We may not be able to actually do anything about a problem, but worrying about it makes us feel like we’re doing something.
Worry is our attempt to out-run helplessness. But to stop worrying so much, there’s really only one way out: Acceptance.
Specifically, in order to stop running away from the feeling of helplessness, we have to train ourselves to be okay with feeling helpless and out of control.
When you find yourself worrying, try to identify the cause or trigger for the worry and notice how it makes you feel emotionally. Just feel those emotions and notice them without thinking about them. Stay in the present instead of jumping into the future.
... for learning to accept how we feel and break the habit of worry.
Notice little fragments of worry here and there. Notice yourself being pulled by years of habit to start thinking and worrying. Then choose something different. Choose to stay with the emotion, even if it’s just briefly. Then choose to re-direct your thoughts and behavior elsewhere.
RELATED IDEAS
Each time we worry and nothing bad happens, our mind connects worry with preventing harm:
Worry → nothing bad happens.
And the takeaway is, "It's a good thing I worried."
Focusing on worrying instead of solving your problems can become a form of procrastination. Plus, putting off responsibilities that you need to take care will only add to your worries.
Push past procrastination by making a list of all of the things that you need to get done. By writing a to-do list, you get all of those anxious thoughts out of your head and on paper.
When we hide our pain and isolate ourselves, we throw away the most powerful antidepressant: loving support from people who care about us.
You don’t need coping strategies when you’re sad discouraged, or helpless. You need people. You need support. You need someone to give you a hug and listen carefully to your story.