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Why We Worry (and How to Stop) | Nick Wignall
Worry is like junk food
Just like the body craves calories, the mind craves control. In fact, we can fool our minds into thinking we’re actually solving a problem by running it over and over and over again in our minds. And to make things worse, like junk food, worry also happens to be constantly available, dirt cheap, and instantaneous.
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Worry
... is an attempt to mentally problem-solve something that either isn’t really a problem or isn’t a problem that’s solvable.
Worry leads to unnecessarily high levels of stress and anxiety and is a potentially tragic waste of time and energy.
Worry ‘Tastes’ Good
- Worry feels good because it gives us something (rather than nothing) to do. And this makes us feel a little less helpless and out of control.
- Like the body craves calories, the mind craves control. When faced with a fearful situation that we can’t actually do anything about, we give ourselves the illusion of control (and relief from helplessness) by engaging worry.
How to Cure Worry
In order to stop running away from the feeling of helplessness, we have to train ourselves to be okay with feeling helpless and out of control.
When you worry, try to identify the cause or trigger for the worry and notice how it makes you feel emotionally. Be willing to just feel and be with your uncomfortable emotions.Worry and bad problem-solving
Worry is an attempt to mentally problem-solve something that either isn’t really a problem or isn’t a problem that’s solvable.
And while problem solving is typically helpful in our lives, worry is just a waste of time and energy if we know it can’t actually produce any results.
The illusion that we are taking action
Worry briefly feels good, especially compared to the alternative—doing nothing and just feeling afraid. Worry feels good because it gives us something (rather than nothing) to do. And this makes us feel a little less helpless and out of control.
We may not be able to actually do anything about a problem, but worrying about it makes us feel like we’re doing something.
It's ok to feel helpless
Worry is our attempt to out-run helplessness. But to stop worrying so much, there’s really only one way out: Acceptance.
Specifically, in order to stop running away from the feeling of helplessness, we have to train ourselves to be okay with feeling helpless and out of control.
Facing uncomfortable emotions
When you find yourself worrying, try to identify the cause or trigger for the worry and notice how it makes you feel emotionally. Just feel those emotions and notice them without thinking about them. Stay in the present instead of jumping into the future.
Mindfulness is a great exercise
... for learning to accept how we feel and break the habit of worry.
Notice little fragments of worry here and there. Notice yourself being pulled by years of habit to start thinking and worrying. Then choose something different. Choose to stay with the emotion, even if it’s just briefly. Then choose to re-direct your thoughts and behavior elsewhere.
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Worrying about the future
Worrying is the mental habit of trying to solve a problem that either can’t be solved or isn’t really a problem.
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Isolating yourself
When we hide our pain and isolate ourselves, we throw away the most powerful antidepressant: loving support from people who care about us.
You don’t need coping strategies when you’re sad discouraged, or helpless. You need people. You need support. You need someone to give you a hug and listen carefully to your story.
Keeping quiet
Most of us hesitate to push back and stand up for ourselves because we’re afraid of being perceived as aggressive or rude. And so we default to being passive.
But there’s a middle road between being passive and aggressive: You can be assertive. It means standing up for your own wants, needs, and values, in an honest and respectful way.
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Stressing about sleep
Before a stressful work event, we tend to worry about what will happen if we don’t sleep well:
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Sleep mistakes
... we make when it comes to sleeping well before a big day:
- We try too hard to sleep and we end up making it harder to fall asleep.
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Sleep restriction
It's a technique for improving the quality of your sleep by using the power of Sleep Drive (the body’s natural need for sleep). Sleep Drive is built during the day: the longer you’re awake the stronger your need for sleep.
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Learn To Relax
You cannot possibly feel anxious when you are in a state of relaxation. Try:
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Turn Your Thoughts Around
Worry is often a learned negative thinking pattern that can be contributing to your panic disorder symptoms. Since negative thinking typically develops over time, it can be unlearned and replaced with more positive views.
To do that, recognize and record your worries throughout the day, think it they are realistic and replace these negative thoughts with more realistic statements.
Journal Through It
By writing in a journal, you can work through your difficult emotions, uncover solutions to your issues, and change your perceptions and worries.
Getting started in journal writing can be a simple as a dedicated time each day to write down your inner thoughts.
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