Love & Family

46 STASHED IDEAS

Passive Communicators

Passive communicators go along with the other person’s ideas, narratives and suggestions. They avoid conflicts and confrontations. They appear anxious, afraid of disapproval and are often having poor eye contact or posture.

In a relationship, these people bottle up their emotions and do what their partner plans or does. It is a ‘doom scenario’ if both partners are passive.

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@hunb

Love & Family

shondaland.com

When help-rejecting complainers feel heard, they may eventually realise that they can change their position. But they may also continue to complain incessantly.

In that case, you can set a compassionate boundary where you validate their suffering and admit that you don't think listening to what's bothering them is helping. Then change the conversation. Whenever they complain, remind them of your limit and redirect the conversation.

The stabilizing effect of routines and rituals

Hard anniversaries, like the birthday of someone we've lost, are helped by routines and rituals. They create a grounding structure with a reassuring and stabilising effect.

  • Routines are repetitive actions to help us develop skills while creating continuity and order.
  • Rituals are routines elevated by creativity, driven by intention, and injected with meaning. Rituals help us through transitions. If setting the table is a routine, a ritual is taking the special china and making grandma's favourite recipe to remember her and process the time passed since her death.

Our problems stem from responding to difficult people in a way that we learned to do as children. We may react as squashed; we may sulk or feel it is our fault; we may build up resentment.

We probably cannot change who we are attracted to. The answer is also not the end the relationship, but rather to learn to respond in a more mature and constructive manner around our partner's less mature sides.

If the following things sound familiar and common, we may be involved in a gaslighting relationship:

  1. Being labelled as too sensitive, hysterical or insecure.
  2. Feeling confused or even crazy in the relationship.
  3. Always saying sorry.
  4. Not able to understand why you are not happier.
  5. Having trouble making simple decisions.
  6. Being called paranoid or dramatic.

Gaslighters more often than not turn out to be males, with the ‘victim’ being female.

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