The choice of who we love

We look for people to love that recreate the feelings of love we knew from childhood. But the love we absorbed in childhood was intermingled with painful aspects: a feeling of not measuring up; a love for a fragile parent.

This predisposes us to pick partners with whom we feel familiar with and who are not necessarily kind to us. Instead of aiming for changing our partners or finding someone else, it may be wiser to adjust how we respond and behave around occasionally difficult people.

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Why We’re Compelled to Love Difficult People

theschooloflife.com

Our problems stem from responding to difficult people in a way that we learned to do as children. We may react as squashed; we may sulk or feel it is our fault; we may build up resentment.

We probably cannot change who we are attracted to. The answer is also not the end the relationship, but rather to learn to respond in a more mature and constructive manner around our partner's less mature sides.

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