One of the reasons it's so easy to slip into habitually criticizing others is that it makes us feel good: <ul><li>When you point out to yourself that someone else is dumb, you're also implying that you're smart. And that feels good. </li><li>When you criticize someone else for being naive, what you're really doing it telling yourself that you're sophisticated. And that feels good. </li><li>When you silently chuckle to yourself about how terrible someone's fashion sense is, you're telling yourself how refined your own taste is. And that feels good. </li> </ul>

 Criticizing Others

And that's what <a href="https://nickwignall.com/why-we-worry/">chronic worriers </a>do. They're so afraid of uncertainty, and so unwilling to live with it, that they trick themselves into thinking they can make the future less uncertain - by thinking about it constantly! Chronic worriers live under the illusion that thinking is always problem-solving and that planning always leads to greater levels of preparedness. But neither of those are true: <ul><li>Just because you're thinking about a problem doesn't mean you're thinking about it productively. </li><li>And just because you're planning - running through countless hypothetical future scenarios - doesn't mean you're any better equipped to handle them. Often, you're just making yourself feel more prepared. </li> </ul>

 Worrying Too Much

But what does it mean, exactly, to maintain an unrealistic expectation? Simply put, it means you spend time crafting stories in your head about what other people should do. And when they inevitably fail to live up to those standards, you reflexively compare reality to those expectations and feel frustrated and disappointed. And how do you respond to this frustration and disappointment? By creating even stronger and more elaborate expectations, because it makes you feel good and in control!

Expecting Too Much

Just like we humans crave order and certainty, we also crave control. We're obsessed with the idea that, with enough effort and perseverance, we can do or achieve anything. Of course, most people who get stuck <a href="https://nickwignall.com/mental-habits-making-you-miserable/">ruminating </a>endlessly on past mistakes and failures don't actually belief that they can change the past. Instead, ruminating about the past gives the them the illusion of control, however fleeting and temporary. When you've done something bad or made a mistake in the past, you naturally feel guilt and regret. Chronic ruminators develop the unconscious habit of constantly replaying past mistakes because it briefly gives them a feeling of control. And feeling in control helps distract from feeling helpless - which is what we really are when it comes to past mistakes.

<html><head></head><body>Just like we humans crave order and certainty, we also crave control. We're obsessed with the idea that, with enough effort and perseverance, we can do or achieve anything.  Of course, most people who get stuck ruminating endlessly on past mistakes and failures don't actually belief that they can change the past. Instead, ruminating about the past gives the them the illusion of control, however fleeting and temporary. When you've done something bad or made a mistake in the past, you naturally feel guilt and regret. Chronic ruminators develop the unconscious habit of constantly replaying past mistakes because it briefly gives them a feeling of control. And feeling in control helps distract from feeling helpless - which is what we really are when it comes to past mistakes. In reality, no amount of rumination or analysis of your mast mistakes will change what happened. Which means helplessness and powerlessness are inevitable. This is a hard fact of life that emotionally intelligent people not only understand, but accept. You must give up the choice to endlessly revisit it, no matter how much it distracts you from your real pain - the pain of helplessness. When in doubt, take action in the present instead of dwelling on the past. Do something useful, right now, now matter how small - and resist the temptation to replay yet another scene from your past. </body></html>

 Chronic Ruminating

Criticizing others is often an unconscious defense mechanism aimed at alleviating our own insecurities. We're all critical sometimes. And it's not necessarily a bad thing - to think carefully and critically about the world around us is a vital skill. It helps us navigate the world and our relationships in an objective way.

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Motivation & Inspiration

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4 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Don't Do

Use the pandemic as an opportunity to chill out for a while. If you are always used to having a busy schedule or working more than one job, this might be the break you didn't know you needed or the one you have been avoiding for so long. You won't be able to do it all like you always did. This is an unusual scenario. Treat it as such. Be realistic with yourself regarding what your capacity is at the moment. Don't burden yourself with the things you can't do, focus on the things you can do. One thing at a time. One task at a time. One responsibility at a time.

Slow Down

Don't freak out. Don't overthink. Don't obsess about the news or the statistics. Because when you do those things, you will lose perspective and you will let fear take over. This is an uncertain situation for all of us, all over the world. The more you dwell in your worry, the more anxious you become. Don't let anxiety become your new normal. Pray. Meditate. Go to therapy. Do what works for you to welcome calmness over anxiety at any given opportunity.

Remain Calm

Think about the impact your actions have on other people, on your community, on the ones you love. The next time you go out, practice social distancing and self-hygiene. Don't shop for things you don't need. And when you shop for things you need, don't over shop. Leave some for others. When you see an opportunity to help someone, take it. Better off, make an opportunity to lend a helping hand.

Be Mindful

When someone asks about how you're doing, tell them the truth. Don't portray a fake state of mind on social media. Speak up about what you are going through and share your uncommon thoughts. The world needs authenticity and transparency more than ever. When you are being brave by showing the world your true self, you allow others to do the same. Ask for help. Talk to someone.

Be Honest About Struggling

FaceTime your parents. Call your grandparents. Call your aunts and uncles. Call your best friend from childhood. Call the friend who always checks-up on you. Call the friend who hasn't been themselves lately. Call the friend who just returned from a trip overseas. Text your coworkers. Email your manager. Reach out to anyone you can reach out to during these difficult times.

 Reach Out To People In Your Life

Revisit your past but from a new perspective. A perspective you haven't considered before. A perspective that is not yours. A perspective that sees the situation for what it is. A perspective of growth and acceptance. Hash out any disagreement or hurt feelings you have with anyone. Do your part. If it works, great! If it doesn't, you tried. This will not be easy, but it will be worthwhile. You will feel at peace with yourself. Your present will become better and your future will thank you for it.

Make Peace With Your Past

Do the things that enrich your soul. Maybe it's self-care activities. Maybe it's planning the rest of your year. Maybe it's doing a vision board. Maybe it's reading books. Maybe it's binge-watching tv shows or movies. Maybe it's taking a nap every day. Maybe it's taking long showers. Maybe it's enjoying your favorite drink. Maybe it's working out at home. Maybe it's taking a break from social media. Maybe it's dancing in your living room.

Connect To Yourself

Be kind to others. Be kind to people you're interacting with virtually or in person. Be kind to your family when they are worried about you. Be kind to your friend who hasn't replied to you. Be kind to your neighbor. Be kind to the person at the grocery store. Be kind to the cashier. And most importantly, be kind to yourself.

Spread Kindness

Start using a gratitude journal. Write on a sticky note one good thing that happened to you or one good thing that you did today. Thank people around you. Enjoy the gift of being alive and the privilege of being safe. Keep your head-up. Have faith in humanity. Believe that this will come to an end. Be positive that we will come out of this together; stronger, wiser and better.

Stay Hopeful

Use the pandemic as an opportunity to chill out for a while. If you are always used to having a busy schedule or working more than one job, this might be the break you didn't know you needed or the one you have been avoiding for so long.

4 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Don't Do

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