4 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Don't Do

But what does it mean, exactly, to maintain an unrealistic expectation?

Simply put, it means you spend time crafting stories in your head about what other people should do. And when they inevitably fail to live up to those standards, you reflexively compare reality to those expectations and feel frustrated and disappointed.

And how do you respond to this frustration and disappointment? By creating even stronger and more elaborate expectations, because it makes you feel good and in control!

Just like we humans crave order and certainty, we also crave control. We're obsessed with the idea that, with enough effort and perseverance, we can do or achieve anything.

Of course, most people who get stuck ruminating endlessly on past mistakes and failures don't actually belief that they can change the past. Instead, ruminating about the past gives the them the illusion of control, however fleeting and temporary.

When you've done something bad or made a mistake in the past, you naturally feel guilt and regret. Chronic ruminators develop the unconscious habit of constantly replaying past mistakes because it briefly gives them a feeling of control. And feeling in control helps distract from feeling helpless - which is what we really are when it comes to past mistakes.