After many dating experiences, Evelyn found someone that she thought was great. Since he pressured her to commit she is always wondering, “Is he the Right One? Do I love him enough? Is he the love of my life or am I making the biggest mistake of my life?” She checks whether she thinks about him enough, if she feels relaxed when she is with him and whether she has critical thoughts about him. When she is unhappy or tense, she always thinks “Maybe it is because I am not happy with him? Maybe he is not the ONE”

Relationship OCD: Case Example #1

Jeffery has been married for 5 years. He loves his wife dearly and he believes she is great for him, a intelligenti woman and an excellent mother. Every day he feels distressed and angry. He can’t stop thinking that she is actually neither of those things pops up again and again. He compares every woman to his wife. He realizes the problem is h, but still does not manage to get rid of these thoughts. These thoughts, he claims, consume most of his day and unable him from enjoying is life.

Relationship OCD: case Example #2

Evelyn (Case Example #1) has relationship-centered obsessions, while Jeffrey (Case Example #2) has partner-focused obsessions. People like Evelyn often feel overwhelmed by doubts and worries focused on their feelings towards their partner, their partner’s feelings towards them, and the “rightness” of the relationship experience. They may repeatedly find themselves thinking “Is this the right relationship for me?”

Evelyn's case analysis

People like Jeffery who present with partner-focused obsessions may focus on their partner’s physical features (e.g., “Her nose is too big.” ), social qualities (e.g., “He is not social enough” ; “She does not have what it takes to succeed in life.” ), or personality attributes, such as morality, intelligence, or emotional stability (e.g., “She is not intelligent enough”, “He is not emotionally stable” )

Jeffrey's case analysis

Relationship-centered and partner-focused symptoms can often happen at the same time, and sometimes can even reinforce one another. Many people describe being preoccupied with a perceived flaw of their partner (e.g., body proportion) at first, and then being plagued by thoughts about the rightness of the relationship. Although less common, some people start with doubts regarding the relationship and only later become preoccupied with a flaw of the partner.

It's a mix!

relationship anxiety/ RCOD

Relationship OCD

Common Relationship OCD obsessions: <ul><li>Fear that you’re not good enough for your partner.</li><li>Constantly second guessing your love for your partner.</li><li>Constantly wondering if you’re with the right person.</li></ul>Common misconceptions about Relationship OCD: <ul><li><a href="https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/topic/relationships/">Relationships </a> don’t evolve over time and should feel passionate 100% of the time.</li><li>The idea that once you find someone you’re “meant to be” with, you can’t find other people attractive.</li><li>Getting caught up in the idea of finding “the one.”</li></ul>

About ROCD 1/2

Relationship OCD, also known as Relationship Substantiation or ROCD, is a subset of OCD in which sufferers are consumed with doubts about their <a href="https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/relationships">relationship </a>. They question their love for their partner, their attraction to their partner, their compatibility with their partner, and their partner’s love for them.Having doubts or concerns about your partner is normal. Everyone experiences them. However, for ROCD sufferers, these thoughts can be irrational, unfounded and detrimental to day-to-day life.

Relationship anxiety

Relationship OCD compulsions: <ul><li>Obsessive questioning: You’re preoccupied with very small details that make you question everything about your relationship</li><li>Research: Constantly reading articles about how a “successful” relationship looks like</li><li>Comparisons: Comparing other people's relationships it to yours</li><li>Endless reflection: Always questioning your partner’s qualities</li><li>Seeking passion: Becoming upset during moments of sexual intimacy because you’re desperate to find passion with your partner</li><li>Creating rules for your partner: When they don’t uphold them, you think the relationship isn’t worth it</li></ul>

About ROCD 2/2

Everyone gets intrusive thoughts, but having them doesn’t mean you have OCD. For people who do have OCD, these thoughts can be debilitating, causing extreme anxiety and discomfort. No matter how hard you try to get rid of them, they won’t go away. For sufferers of ROCD, there’s a never-ending analysis of yourself and your partner. This ongoing quest to determine if you’re right for one another, gets in the way of having a healthy relationship. Often times, the “flaws” you obsess over are extremely minor and not indicative of larger issues in your relationship.

How Do I Know it’s OCD?

Everyday Examples: <ul><li>You’re married to someone smart, funny, attractive and loveable, yet you can’t help but think that you could have found a better partner.</li><li>You think your partner has bushy eyebrows. You pinpoint this “flaw” and think that you couldn’t possibly be with someone like this for the rest of your life. You start thinking that it’s time to find someone who has better-looking eyebrows. </li><li>You’ve been dating someone for a year and the question of marriage comes up from time to time. Even though your partner is great and you’re happy, you can’t stop wondering if you love him/her enough.</li></ul>

REAL LIFE EXAMPLES

Yes! But it takes two to tango. <a href="https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/ocd-treatment/">Treatment </a> for Relationship OCD almost always involves you and your partner. Remember, patience and transparency are the keys to successful treatment. This subtype of OCD is best treated with <a href="https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/ocd-treatment/ocd-therapy/">Exposure Response Prevention Therapy (ERP) </a>. ERP is when you voluntarily expose yourself to the source of your fear over and over and over again, without acting out any compulsion to neutralize or stop the fear. By repeatedly facing something you’re afraid of, you force your brain to recognize how irrational it is.

Is Recovery Possible for Me?

There are other treatment options as well. <a href="https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/topic/mindfulness/">Mindfulness </a>-based <a href="https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/ocd-treatment/ocd-therapy/">Cognitive Behavioral Therapy </a>, also known as CBT, teaches people to identify, understand and change negative thinking patterns and behaviors. Patients are taught problem-solving skills during therapy lessons and then instructed to practice them on their own time in order to build positive habits.

Another solution

If you suffer from OCD, you have a severe anxiety disorder. But it can be treated. Start by <a href="http://www.intrusivethoughts.org/ocd-treatment/">getting educated </a> and making healthy living choices. Then find a clinical psychologist in your area who specializes in OCD and <a href="http://www.intrusivethoughts.org/ocd-treatment/ocd-therapy">Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) </a>.

Please, read this

Relationship OCD, or ROCD, is a subset of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in which a person experiences repetitive fears that they are in the wrong relationship.

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

Federica di Mola
@curlycumuli

Relationship OCD

Relationship OCD | Made of Millions Foundation

Bite-sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

Federica di Mola@curlycumuli

Relationship OCD

Relationship OCD | Made of Millions Foundation

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

Federica di Mola
@curlycumuli