After many dating experiences, Evelyn found someone that she thought was great. Since he pressured her to commit she is always wondering, “Is he the Right One? Do I love him enough? Is he the love of my life or am I making the biggest mistake of my life?” She checks whether she thinks about him enough, if she feels relaxed when she is with him and whether she has critical thoughts about him. When she is unhappy or tense, she always thinks “Maybe it is because I am not happy with him? Maybe he is not the ONE”
Jeffery has been married for 5 years. He loves his wife dearly and he believes she is great for him, a intelligenti woman and an excellent mother. Every day he feels distressed and angry. He can’t stop thinking that she is actually neither of those things pops up again and again. He compares every woman to his wife. He realizes the problem is h, but still does not manage to get rid of these thoughts. These thoughts, he claims, consume most of his day and unable him from enjoying is life.
Evelyn (Case Example #1) has relationship-centered obsessions, while Jeffrey (Case Example #2) has partner-focused obsessions. People like Evelyn often feel overwhelmed by doubts and worries focused on their feelings towards their partner, their partner’s feelings towards them, and the “rightness” of the relationship experience. They may repeatedly find themselves thinking “Is this the right relationship for me?”
People like Jeffery who present with partner-focused obsessions may focus on their partner’s physical features (e.g., “Her nose is too big.” ), social qualities (e.g., “He is not social enough” ; “She does not have what it takes to succeed in life.” ), or personality attributes, such as morality, intelligence, or emotional stability (e.g., “She is not intelligent enough”, “He is not emotionally stable” )
Relationship-centered and partner-focused symptoms can often happen at the same time, and sometimes can even reinforce one another. Many people describe being preoccupied with a perceived flaw of their partner (e.g., body proportion) at first, and then being plagued by thoughts about the rightness of the relationship. Although less common, some people start with doubts regarding the relationship and only later become preoccupied with a flaw of the partner.
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