A new <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17439760.2022.2053877?journalCode=rpos20">study</a> published in the Journal of Positive Psychology explores how feeling and showing gratitude can make people feel less used and objectified.

Introduction

“Objectification causes severe consequences, ranging from interpersonal indifference, reduced empathy and helping, aggression and bullying l, to even killing and genocide, therefore, it is important to find interventions to alleviate objectification.”

According to Wang, objectification refers to treating others as mere things or tools that can help in one’s goal achievement while denying others’ autonomy, needs, and feelings.

Researchers opinion

“Employees can be treated as mere instruments to aid the financial success of their employers, students can be treated by their classmates as note-takers, and women can be perceived and treated solely as an object of sexual desire without regard for their personality or dignity”

Combining classical definitions of objectification, Wang suggests that objectification is marked by seven key features:1. Instrumentality : When someone treats a target as a tool for his or her own purpose2. Fungibility : When someone treats a target as interchangeable with other objects3. Violability : When someone treats a target as lacking in boundary integrity

Seven Key Features - Part 1

4. Ownership: When someone treats a target as though the target can be owned5. Denial of autonomy: When someone treats a target as lacking in autonomy or self-determination6. Inertness: When someone treats a target as lacking in agency or activity7. Denial of subjectivity: When someone treats a target as someone whose experiences and feelings need not be taken into account

Seven Key Features - Part 2

Over a series of three studies that included writing gratitude letters and imagining the effects of gratitude in an environment prone to behaviors of objectification, Wang’s research concluded that gratitude, both as a feeling and as a gesture, lowered the levels of objectification in a given environment.

Research

“The effect of gratitude on weakening objectification can be due to its ability to reduce people's focus on their own needs. That is, when people become less concerned with their own wants and desires, they are less likely to see others as instruments to fulfill those needs and are less likely to fail to consider others’ personhood.”

For people who wish to cultivate gratitude in their daily lives, Wang proposes three simple tips: <ul><li>Reflection : Spend a few minutes every day thinking about the wonderful things in life (such as a movie, books, a TV show we enjoy, or even being able to bask in the sunshine). </li><li>Exposing ourselves to nature : Spend time in nature by traveling to a place where you can enjoy a magnificent environment. </li><li>Showing Appreciation : Writing a thank you note or verbally appreciating or thanking someone. </li> </ul>

Three tips

“Expressing gratitude doesn’t need to cost you anything financially. So just do it.”

Wang, Xijing (Interview). <a href="https://therapytips.org/interviews/how-gratitude-helps-us-feel-whole">How gratitude helps us feel whole.</a> Therapytips.org, April 28th, 2022

References

New research from Dr Xijing Wang from City University of Hong Kong

Expressing gratitude may be the most effective way to combat objectification.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

health

Health

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

7 Aspects of Feeling Objectified and How to Overcome Them

Are there differences between men and women in terms of beauty-enhancing behaviors? According to new research published in Environmental Research and Public Health, there is an overlooked side to masculinity; women invest more time on cosmetic usage, whilst men spend more time exercising and bodybuilding.

Summary of article

“There is this widespread belief that men have to wait for (eternity) hours until their female partners (finally) get ready. Usually, there is a kernel of truth in such shared worldviews because they often derive from actual world observations. But does such common knowledge perfectly reflect reality? As a woman myself, I always wondered if most women do indeed spend so much time on their attractiveness,”

“Or maybe it is just the distorted image created by all the ads, Hollywood movies, and TV series? After all, many studies provide evidence that being perceived as physically attractive by others (and oneself) is beneficial in multiple ways, both for women and men. So do modern men ‘don’t even try’ to enhance their beauty because it is ‘only a female’ thing to do? Luckily, in moments of doubt, science comes in.”

Women are more likely to use make-up and personal care products to improve their appearances. This does not, however, preclude men from engaging in other behaviours that may improve their appearance, such as muscle building. The increased media focus on male physique in recent decades coincides with evolutionary theories that emphasise the role of male upper body strength in intra- and inter-sexual competition. Women, for example, have more positive attitudes toward muscle, which may explain why men are more interested in their muscularity.

Stereotypes

Kowal and her colleague Piotr Sorokowski investigated how men and women attend to their appearances, as well as how much time each sex devotes to improving their appearances, in two studies. The first study recruited 121 people aged 18 to 49 using qualitative research methods. Participants were asked two open-ended questions, specifically: what do people do to improve their physical attractiveness? How do you improve your appearance?

The researchers narrowed down the responses to the eight most common beauty-enhancing behaviours participants shared, which included:<ol><li>make-up use</li><li>cosmetic use</li><li>cardio</li><li>strength training</li><li>hair grooming</li><li>body cleaning</li><li>hands grooming</li><li>and mirror-checking to adjust one's image.</li></ol>

Common behaviours

Study 2 enlisted 62 participants ranging in age from 20 to 67 and asked them to keep an online diary of their beauty-enhancing habits for one week. Thirty-three people responded to each of the outlined questions on all seven days, with the average number of daily diary entries being 3.76. On the first day, demographic information (age, gender, and education) was provided.

Second Study

Participants also completed the NPI-13 and indicated their self-perceived physical attractiveness (e.g., how attractive would you rate yourself?) and daily intensity of improving their appearances. The appearance-improving scale included eight questions that assessed the eight different types of beauty-enhancing behaviours identified in Study 1. Participants specifically indicated the number of minutes (ranging from 1 min to 6 hrs) they spent on each activity per day. Over the next six days, self-perceived physical attractiveness and daily intensity of improving appearances were also assessed.

Narcissistic Personality Inventory-13

“First of all, our study highlights that ways to achieve a good look vary between both sexes. While in general women focus on stereotypically female activities that increase their appeal, such as putting on makeup, men may be more interested in more masculine activities, such as bodybuilding or even caring for their hair,”

“Secondly, when we narrow the definition of beauty-enhancing behaviors only to those stereotypically perceived as female, unsurprisingly, women appear to spend more time improving their looks. However, when we broaden the definition to include various activities – including those stereotypically connected with masculinity, like cardio or physical exercise – the sex difference might decrease or even disappear!”

The researcher added, “Modern masculinity is evolving. It becomes culturally more and more acceptable for men to admit they want to look physically attractive and attend to their attractiveness.” With regard to study limitations, she noted, “Although our study is innovative, as it utilizes a diary design (i.e., participants filled the diary each day for seven days, reporting all the activities they performed on the given day that were aimed to increase their attractiveness), the sample size warrants caution when drawing any general conclusions."

"Future studies should investigate this matter on larger and more diverse samples. To address the limitations of this study, my team and I conducted large cross-cultural research on physical-enhancing behaviors. We recruited 107,715 participants from 175 countries, so please, stay tuned for the results of this research!”

“We observed that individuals who perceive themselves as more (vs. less) attractive spend more time improving their looks. As our study is correlational in nature, future research could investigate what a cause is (and what is a consequence). For example, is it that the belief of one’s attractiveness stems from intensified self-care, or instead being beautiful leads to increased efforts to preserve one’s beautifulness? Or perhaps, they are so interrelated that it is like this conundrum: ‘Which came first: the chicken or the egg?’.”

The research, “<a href="https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph19073842">Sex Differences in Physical Attractiveness Investments: Overlooked Side of Masculinity</a>”, was authored by Marta Kowal and Piotr Sorokowski.

Link to access the research

New research showing that beauty investments do not differ between men and women

Are there differences between men and women in terms of beauty-enhancing behaviors? According to research published in Environmental Research and Public Health, there is an overlooked side to masculinity; while women invest more time on cosmetic usage, men spend more time exercising and bodybuilding. ...

A new psychology study reveals no sex differences in beauty investments

When we give too many f*cks, when we choose to give a f*ck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times, that’s when life f*cks us.

Life isn't supposed to go your way all the time, and that's OK

Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a f*ck about what’s truly f*ck-worthy.

Choose your battles wisely. Put your energy where it counts. 

We are defined by what we choose to reject. And if we reject nothing we essentially have no identity at all.

Overdoing it is the same as doing nothing at all

If you think about a young child trying to learn to walk, that child will fall down and hurt itself hundreds of times. But at no point does that child ever stop and think, ‘Oh, I guess walking just isn’t for me

Failure is a part of life. Failure is how you learn and grow

We can be truly successful only at something we’re willing to fail at. If we’re unwilling to fail, then we’re unwilling to succeed.

Fear of failure is your biggest enemy

"I say don’t find yourself. I say never know who you are. Because that’s what keeps you striving and discovering. And it forces you to remain humble in your judgments and accepting of the differences in others.”

Who you are will constantly change

Don’t hope for a life without problems. There’s no such thing. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems.

Not every “problem” has to be a negative thing

People who become great at something become great because they understand that they’re not already great – they are mediocre, they are average – and that they could be so much better.

Once you’re great at one thing, aim to be great at another

Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for.”

Hard times are a necessary part of life

This, in a nutshell, is what ‘self-improvement’ is really about: prioritising better values, choosing better things to give a f*ck about. Because when you give better f*cks, you get better problems.”

Caring less will only lead to better things

Key points from the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestseller Over 1 million copies sold In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people. For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up. Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek. There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.

books

Books

#1 New York Times BestsellerOver 10 million copies soldIn this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek.There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.

Mark Manson (born 1984) is a professional blogger, entrepreneur, and former dating coach. Since 2007, he's been helping people with their emotional and relationship problems. He has worked with thousands of people from over 30 different countries. He regularly writes and updates his blog at: www.markmanson.net

Mark Manson

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Most of what we know about how COVID can affect the brain has come from studies of people with severe infection. In people with severe COVID, inflammatory cells from outside the brain can enter brain tissue and spread inflammation. There may be changes to blood vessels and brain cells can even have changes similar to those seen in people with Alzheimer’s disease.However, a new study has investigated the effects of mild COVID (that is, infection that doesn’t lead to a hospital admission) on the brain. The findings may further explain some of the brain changes contributing to long COVID.

Many people who have had COVID, no matter how mjlfreport feelings of “brain fog”, fatigue, and problems with concentration and memory long after their initial symptoms resolve. These problems, collectively known as 'long COVID', may last for months even after mild infection.Long COVID is very common, and may affect more than half of the people who catch COVID, even if they have a mild case.

Brain scans and tests show changes

Scientists collected data as part of the UK Biobank database. They looked at brain MRI scans and tests of brain function in 785 volunteers who were assessed before the pandemic. They then compared this to the same data collected three years later, when around half of those participants had mild COVID infection, and the other half had not had COVID. This allowed them to determine the specific effects of mild COVID infection on brain structure and function.

Methodology

The group who had mild COVID an average of five months beforehand had thinning of brain tissue in several brain regions, ranging from 0.2% to around 2% compared to their pre-COVID scan (between one and six years of normal brain ageing). Affected brain areas included the parahippocampal gyrus (related to memory) and the orbitofrontal cortex (related to smell and taste). They also showed a reduction in overall brain size between their MRI scans that wasn’t seen in the non-COVID group, and had altered connections between different brain regions in the olfactory cortex, an area related to smell.

Findings

To show these changes were specific to COVID and not just related to having a respiratory illness, the scientists also looked at a group of people who had pneumonia. They did not see the same changes, confirming they are related to COVID. Decreases in brain volume are common to many brain diseases and disorders associated with degeneration, and have been found in people with mild cognitive impairment, Alzheimer’s disease, depression, and traumatic brain injury, among others.

Comparing to other illnesses

Problems with memory and attention are also frequent for people with these diseases and disorders, indicating mild COVID infection may accelerate brain degeneration. These changes could explain the reported symptoms of long COVID, such as brain fog.The study did not look at the mechanisms of mild COVID in the brain. However, the authors suggest this could be due to inflammation, degeneration which spreads through the brain pathways associated with smell, or sensory deprivation due to loss of smell.

Comparison with other illnesses

So does this study prove all people who have had mild COVID infections will have these same brain changes and long-term brain degeneration? Not necessarily.There are several important things we still do not know. This includes whether these brain changes will get worse over time, or whether they will go back to normal or previous levels of function. More research over a long time would help us understand the trajectory of brain changes.

The same for everyone?

This study also only included people aged 51–81, so we do not know whether these findings are relevant for younger people or children.The brain changes found in this study were more pronounced in the older participants, so it could be that older people are more susceptible. Another study is needed to determine whether the same brain alterations would occur in younger people, or whether these findings are common only to older people.

Limitations

There were some differences between the groups before COVID, with smaller volumes of areas deep within the brain. However, these were in different brain areas to those affected after COVID. The scientists also found slightly reduced scores for brain functions of thinking and remembering in the group that went on to have COVID. This study did not specifically exclude people with degenerative brain conditions such as Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s diseases, but the scientists do not think these would explain the changes they found.

Limitations (cont.)

Because of the nature of the study, information about the strain of COVID people were infected with was not available. So we can’t assume the findings would be the same for people with the now more prevalent Omicron strain. We also can’t determine the effect vaccination may have in lessening brain changes. Given the timing of the study, it is likely most of the people in the post-COVID group were infected in 2020, so may not have been vaccinated.

Effects of different variants and vaccination unknown

This study provides the first important information about brain changes in people with mild COVID infection. Until we have all the information, we should be alert but not alarmed at emerging findings.

Conclusions

For the first time, a new study has investigated the effects of mild COVID (that is, infection that doesn’t lead to a hospital admission) on the brain. The findings may further explain some of the brain changes contributing to long COVID. ...

problemsolving

Problem Solving

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

Even mild cases of COVID-19 might result in brain shrinkage and impaired cognitive function

<ul><li>A well-functioning cerebellum coordinates fluid movements and calibrates freeze responses as part of the brain's survival network</li><li>If freezing in place is a good survival strategy, the cerebellum automatically initiates a quick, momentary freeze response</li><li>If the cerebellum dysfunctions in fearful situations, freeze responses last too long and cause immobility akin to crippling anxiety</li></ul>

Key Points

Neuroscientists at the University of Bristol have discovered fear mechanisms rooted in the cerebellum that could lead to new anti-anxiety medications and treatments for post-traumatic stress disorder a.k.a PTSD (<a href="https://doi.org/10.7554/eLife.76278">Paci et al., 2022 </a>)

"These findings show that the cerebellum is a part of the brain's survival network which regulates fear-memory processes. [This study] raises the possibility that disruption of the cerebellum might underlie anxiety and other fear-related disorders, thereby providing a new target for future therapies."

Paci et al., 2022

In animal experiments using fear-conditioned rats, Paci et al. (2022) found that the cerebellum modulates how another brain area called the periaqueductal gray (PAG) triggers automatic defensive behaviors such as freezing in place during times of perceived danger.

Research in Rats

This research increases our understanding of how survival networks rooted in subcortical brain areas cause the body to automatically freeze in response to fear. When the cerebellum is functioning well, a momentary freeze response promotes survival. However, Paci et al. (2022) found that when cerebellar functions were disrupted , the animals used in this study were paralyzed by fear.

Impact of Findings

The cerebellum coordinates fluid motor movements in sports and daily life. It also coordinates our thoughts, as well as coordinating our movements. As part of a survival network, it facilitates gracefully taking flight, fighting it out with well-coordinated muscle movements, or freezing in place for just long enough to plot your next move.

What Does the Cerebellum Do?

For their recent study, Paci et al. (2022) encoded a fear memory by pairing a mild electric foot shock with an audible tone. Once their lab rats were conditioned to fear the auditory tone by itself, they implanted electrodes to monitor neuronal activity within the PAG. When the rats heard the fear-conditioned tone, it triggered a momentary freeze response, and specific neurons in the PAG simultaneously "lit up."

Notably, when a rat's cerebellum was functioning properly, the freeze response was brief and didn't stop an animal in its tracks for too long.However, Paci et al. (2022) found that when the cerebellum's ability to communicate with the PAG was blocked, freeze responses went into overdrive and became exaggerated. Instead of freezing momentarily, hearing the fear-conditioned tone immobilized the animals for an extended period of time.

As Part of a Survival Network, the Cerebellum and PAG Coordinate Perfectly-Timed "Freeze" Responses

The findings suggest that the cerebellum plays a crucial role in coordinating perfectly-timed behavioral responses to threatening stimuli. But cerebellar dysfunctions can cause havoc with perfectly-timed freeze responses. Without a well-functioning cerebellum, the freeze response lasts too long.Paci et al. (2022)'s research sheds light on why crippling anxiety is so immobilizing and may provide a new target for anxiolytic medications.

"Until now, little was understood about how the cerebellum modulates neuronal activity in other brain regions, especially those related to fear and anxiety"

"Importantly, our results show that the cerebellum is part of the brain's survival network that regulates fear memory processes at multiple timescales and in multiple ways; raising the possibility that dysfunctional interactions in the brain's cerebellar-survival network may underlie fear-related disorders and comorbidities"

New research on fear-induced "freeze" responses

Freezing behaviors are coordinated by the brain’s cerebellum.

mentalhealth

Mental Health

The Neuroscience of Fear-Induced “Freeze” Responses

One of the most common misconceptions about introverts is that we're shy and don't like people, says <a href="https://www.fieldtriphealth.com/">Field Trip Health </a>psychotherapist Mike Dow, PsyD. "Introversion may look like shyness to an extrovert—but it's really more about the energy depletion and the way they experience the world," he explains. We just need a lot of alone time to recharge after being social, whereas an extrovert thrives on the energy of other people. This could lead to an "introvert hangover,” exhausted from the effort of being around others.

"When introversion was first identified by Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist famous for analytical psychology, the focus was on all the mental energy that introverts use up when socializing," Dr. Dow says. "I've also seen my own introverted patients experience a depletion of physical energy when socializing too much. This is why introverts need alone time. That combination of both mental and physical energy depletion is what I would identify as the 'introvert hangover' despite the fact it's not a recognized diagnosis."

Basis of the theory

In addition to being drained physically and mentally, you can also be drained spiritually, Dr. Dow says. "I tell my patients that 'feelings are information.' Thus, this introvert hangover is information that you overdid the socializing and haven't spent enough time alone in your own thoughts/within your own psyche—where introverts thrive," he says.

Physical and Mental Effects

An introvert hangover can leave you too exhausted to deal with people IRL, and can last anywhere from a few hours to a few days or more. If you experience the latter, Dr. Dow says you really know you overdid it and seriously need to prioritize some alone time. An introvert hangover can even make responding to texts feel like an insurmountable task. "If you don't have the energy to text back, you know that you have really depleted your inner battery of physical/mental energy," says Dr. Dow. "Ask yourself: What did I learn from this experience? How can I manage my energy better next time?"

Ways to deal with an introvert hangover

The good news is that introvert hangovers can be helped, and even prevented, with the right recharge methods. First up: taking some alone time. Dr. Dow suggests meditation, a session of <a href="https://www.wellandgood.com/psychedelics-medical-conditions/">psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy </a> (which is what they specialize in at Field Trip Health), <a href="https://www.wellandgood.com/gardening-as-meditation/">gardening </a>, or time reading as means of doing so.

Good news!

It can also be helpful to set up systems to explain to friends and family why you are going to be MIA for a bit. "Don't feel guilty about this time within your own inner world,” says Dr. Dow. “This is where introverts thrive. Let your closest family and friends know that you've upping your self-care game and, thus, are going to go into brick mode on your phone and set your away message on email when you're going into introvert recharge mode. This will save you from having to send individual texts."

Self-care

Dr. Dow also says to own your self-worth, and be honest with people. "When you're in a good space, tell them something like: 'I'm being more conscious with the way I pay attention to what I need and my energy. If you ever get a brick mode text back or my flower emoji, you'll know I'm recharging.'" He adds that you can prevent abandonment and hurt feelings by making clear the time limit. "So if your mom keeps on texting, say, 'Hey mom, I'm in recharge mode. I'll text you back tomorrow,' instead of 'I can't talk right now,'" he says.

Recharge your social battery

"The former is positive and specific; the latter is negative and vague. Positive and specific communication makes relationships better—whether they're personal or work." He adds that the person who needs a time out is the one who should come back. (Meaning: You DO have to text your mom back after the recharge time you set up.)

But there is no need to rush to recharge. "Use the methods above until you notice your energy returning," Dr. Dow says. As you start to incorporate them and become more aware of how much time with others is too much, Dr. Dow says you can begin to make adjustments to prevent an introvert hangover from happening in the first place.

Take your time!

Being an introvert can be difficult at times but hopefully these ideas can help!

If you're someone who gets depleted by socializing, you're likely familiar with the hangover that follows. Here's what you can do to help.

An Introvert Hangover Is a Real Thing—This Can Help | Well+Good

In our pandemic world, casual conversation has been all but eliminated. The closest thing we get these days is saying “thank you” to a delivery person or greeting a grocery store clerk. Even then, we're hesitant to linger — every unnecessary moment with a stranger feels taboo, every breath a hazard. And, now, in the absence of chit-chat, we feel isolated and unenergized. This has led to a potentially controversial revelation: small talk gets an unfairly bad rap.

COVID-19 and Small Talk

"Small talk functions as a crucial social ritual, it’s a way to grease the wheels."

In one study, Methot and her team found that, on days employees had more small talk with coworkers or supervisors, their mood improved, they had more energy, and there was a decrease in burnout.

Small Talk At Work

Methot says small talk is “lighthearted, superficial, polite, scripted conversation.” It’s “scripted” in the sense that it’s predictable: everyone knows the appropriate default phrases, so participants are rarely caught off guard. Someone might ask, “How are you?” so you respond, “I’m well,” or something of that ilk, before bouncing the question back to the asker. It’s rote, it’s a bit boring, but the data shows it’s terribly important.

What is small talk?

More than a year into the COVID-19 pandemic, so many of us feel detached and disoriented. Due to remote working we’ve been robbed of opportunities to gather publicly, most conversation has been replaced by emails, texts, and an endless queue of scheduled calls. The pandemic has revealed how fleeting those transient interactions really are. The absence of small talk may be harming us much more than we know.

Absence of small talk

Gillian Sandstrom, a psychologist at the University of Essex, conducted one study that found that, when people engaged more with a barista - smiling, making eye contact, conversing - they felt a greater sense of community belonging, but masks prevent this. Sandstrom observed that, in a normal prepandemic day, people interacted with an average of eleven acquaintances where as university students interacted with sixteen. Now, talking with more than two or three people a day seems inconceivable.

Body language

The monotony of automated dialogue is a common reason people claim to dislike small talk. But Methot says this superficiality is what makes it unique. “It doesn’t require a lot of thought, it doesn’t require a lot of energy, and it doesn’t require a lot of self-disclosure,” she says. The fact that you can start chit-chatting on autopilot makes it easier to acknowledge those you don’t know very well, if at all, and be acknowledged in return.

Monotonous but unique

“That brief acknowledgement is really meaningful, not because it’s deep . . . but it makes you feel seen.”

Andrew Guydish, a PhD student of psychology at the University of California, found that, without space for off-task communication, people in “directing” roles at work spoke much more than those in “following” roles. But, once they introduced opportunities for off-task chatter, followers started to make up for that dialogue imbalance. Today, in virtual workspaces devoid of small talk, Guydish says, “we’re literally just letting conversation imbalances go.”

Small talk as an equalizer

Every dialogue feels transactional because, now, our conversations are based on our work roles, says Methot. And, without chit-chat, there’s no relief. Small talk, it seems, is reenergizing: a palate-cleansing moment of respite when you can prime yourself for whatever’s next.

Change of quality

Small talk should be spontaneous and nonpurposeful, Guydish says, and it’s that spontaneity that is so difficult to replicate virtually. When we schedule time for chit-chat, he says, we turn it into yet another item on the to-do list, thereby defeating the purpose. Factor in bad connectivity or lag times and chatter hardly flows easy.

Off-task communication

If you can’t duplicate spontaneous encounters, like standing around a water cooler or bumping into an acquaintance on the street, Methot says the next best thing is creating an intentional one. This can be through setting up virtual lounges that allow users to pop in and say hi or even reaching out to a loose acquaintance or colleague: it may feel a bit awkward, but shooting someone an email or text to check in is meaningful. Plus, it will feel spontaneous—to them, at least.

Serendipitous conversation

In addition to the number of connections lost, Sandstrom says it’s also important to consider the diversity of those missing connections. In a pandemic, of course you’ll make more of an effort to stay connected with your closest friends and family—but, as Sandstrom points out, those are also the people you’re likely most familiar with.

Isolation

Small talk with acquaintances and strangers is an “important source of novelty” that adds unpredictability and variety to the everyday and gives all parties an opportunity to find commonality on neutral ground. Without small talk, we are boring ourselves at best. At worst, we’re homogenizing our exposure to different thoughts and world views.

Homogenised opinions

Some people are turning to social media to get their fix of interactions with strangers. A November paper published in the journal <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s42087-020-00156-0">Human Arenas</a> commented on the boost in parasocial relationships - one-sided connections or personal obsessions, like between a fan and a celebrity. The authors say that “parasocial interactions through digital media allowed us to have a sense of togetherness during the quarantine.”

Parasocial communication

Small talk with strangers online can also offer a low-stakes opportunity to be vulnerable. One study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, suggests that people prefer to disclose embarrassing and personal details to a stranger than to a close friend. Chatting with strangers, even briefly, can be a liberating act of calibration.

Calibration

“There is a lot out there that suggests that people aren’t only lonelier but they also feel less respected by their colleagues and they feel kind of forgotten,” says Beth Schinoff, an organizational-behaviour researcher at Boston College. Methot adds that “these feelings of social exclusion can actually make us age faster” and that “not being acknowledged at work creates a sense of workplace loneliness that can actually be detrimental to our health.”

Lack of small talk increases loneliness

To Sandstrom, initiating small talk is a prosocial act - something done for the good of all involved. People enjoy it more than they predict: they feel more anchored, trusting, and even more optimistic about the general population after having interactions with strangers. Whether this applies vice versa - if having fewer interactions with strangers results in a less trusting and more pessimistic population - remains to be studied.

Small talk is prosocial

Is small talk a skill that can be lost, a muscle that atrophies into nothingness when left idle for too long? Sandstrom is unconvinced. Chit-chat will never disappear, she says, because we’ll never be able to help running into people, not completely. Sooner or later, we’ll emerge from our homes and rediscover the joys of awkward greetings and drawn-out silences. We’ll learn to connect again, clumsy as we may be.

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Ethan