They talk mostly about themselves. Instead of telling them to change their behaviour, it's much easier to get them to motivate themselves to change. Redirect the conversation. When they start to talk about themselves, say that you are very interested and that you know they really like to talk about it. Then change the topic. Ask if you can talk about this other thing. After you've done this a few times, they'll start to realise when they're doing it and might motivate their own change.

Some people talk way too much

Sometimes it's easier to bottle up your feelings than to have a difficult conversation with a friend. Celeste Headlee, author of We Need to Talk, answers your questions about conflict with friends. 

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Dear Life Kit: Should I tell my friend they talk too much? 

Whether it’s more troubling to imagine that the Universe goes on forever in every direction, or that it has an edge, beyond which there is nothing, is hard to say.Astrophysics doesn’t provide any guidance as to which flavour of existential crisis we should be having – while we can’t say with any level of confidence whether the Universe goes on forever or not, we can say that our observable universe has an edge, in the sense that there’s a distance beyond which, whatever may or may not exist, we absolutely cannot see it.

The Universe: Infinite Or With A Boundary

<a href="https://www.sciencefocus.com/space/why-the-sky-is-dark-at-night/">Olbers’ Paradox</a> asks: if the Universe is infinite, and if there are stars (or galaxies) throughout it, why is the sky dark? Surely, if we look in any direction in the sky, that sightline will, eventually, land on a star. Common sense, therefore, tells us that everywhere we look, the sky should be as bright as the Sun, constantly aglow.

Olbers’ Paradox

The standard resolution to this paradox invokes the finite age of the cosmos and the speed of <a href="https://www.sciencefocus.com/science/science/how-the-brightest-minds-in-science-from-einstein-to-da-vinci-revealed-the-nature-of-light/">light</a>. Even if the cosmos is endless and full of stars, one might reason, we can only see the ones that are close enough for there to have been enough time (since the beginning of the Universe) for the light to reach us from there. Anything distant enough from the Earth that the light travel time is more than the age of the Universe is invisible to us.

The Standard Resolution

The stranger physics comes in when you ask, what are those things whose light has travelled for that long? The Big Bang theory says that the Universe 13.8 billion years ago was a hot, dense inferno, in which all of space was filled with glowing-hot plasma, rippling and churning like the surface of the Sun. Because all of space was glowing, when we look into the farthest reaches of the cosmos in any direction, that glow is in fact what we see.﻿

The Age Of The Ever-Expanding Universe

The reason the Universe can be glowing all around us but still look dark comes down to the physics of light in an expanding universe. When space expands, and the distance between objects grows, the light passing between those things gets stretched out, shifting the light to lower frequencies on the electromagnetic spectrum.For visible light, lower frequencies correspond to redder colours, so this effect is called “redshift”. You can think of it like a Doppler shift – the same kind of effect that’s responsible for a siren dropping to a lower tone when an ambulance speeds away from you

Another Paradox Resolved

While we may never know if the Universe as a whole is infinite or bounded, we know that the <a href="https://www.sciencefocus.com/space/will-the-cosmic-microwave-background-disappear/">cosmic microwave background</a> – the distant shell of fading fire that surrounds us – is the most distant light we can ever see, at the edge of our observable universe. But just like the darkness of the night sky, this edge is a matter of perspective. Someone living in a galaxy billions of light years away from us sits at the centre of their own observable universe, which may only partly overlap our own.

We Are Not The Center Of The Universe

Puzzling over the answers to a centuries-old cosmic paradox can teach us profound things about the Universe.

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

Olbers' Paradox: What the mystery of the night sky teaches us about our Universe | BBC Science Focus Magazine

As people, we develop our ideas by interacting with others, testing our thinking, and getting feedback. Discussing controversial topics with our family and peers helps us learn and grow. However, these conversations can reveal potentially relationship-ending opinions. Losing out on these conversations makes us more estranged and entrenched in our own ways of thinking. Some tips can help you to approach these conversations and keep discussions productive.

The necessity of engaging in difficult conversations

Before you start a conversation with someone, take a moment to consider how their life may have shaped their opinions. People's experiences and beliefs may change how people interact with scientific evidence. People don't trust science on certain topics because they don't yet know enough about it. The solution is to simply tell people the facts, remedying their knowledge deficit and increasing support for scientific ideas.

Consider the other person's background

You can shape a person's mind on a controversial topic with the "deep canvassing" technique. Deep canvassing uses a person's specific experiences to change their views on a topic. It is done by guiding them through nonjudgmental conversations about personal narratives related to the topic.

Use personal stories

This conversation strategy involves a variety of verbal and nonverbal cues, such as restating comments, asking questions, and showing your attention. In addition, don't be afraid to briefly pause a conversation that’s heating up to keep emotions under control. This will help both parties to be more objective in assessing one another's arguments.

Actively listen and acknowledge the views of the other person

How can you successfully understand someone else’s point of view, share yours, or even change someone’s mind?

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

Conversations on Polarizing Topics Are Possible. If You’re Up for It, Here’s How to Start - By Caitlyn Finton - Behavioral Scientist

<ul><li>The first rule to follow when lending money to a family member: Assume they will never pay you back—and be OK with that.</li><li>And here's the first rule to follow when borrowing money from family: Pay them back.</li></ul>Money always seems to get uncomfortably personal; there's a power shift in the relationship: The lender becomes more powerful—you see yourself as more responsible. That puts the borrower in a one-down position, which can breed resentment.

Rules to follow when lending/borrowing money to family members

You are under no obligation to say yes on the spot when a family member asks for money—no matter how dire their situation is. <ul><li>Say, 'I would love to be able to help you. Let me think about whether this is best for me.' </li><li>Pause and reflect before answering. Taking even a few minutes gives you time to formulate key follow-up questions in your head. </li><li>You need to know how much they need, why they need it, and what their income expectations are now and for the future. </li><li>Get a sense of whether they can repay you and what their timeline is for that. </li><li>Then take two to three days to respond.</li></ul>

Take time to think about it

Before you get back to the borrower with an answer, you need to consult your partner or spouse if you have one, especially if the amount is substantial given your financial picture. As with all difficult subjects, open communication is key, particularly if your partner isn't as willing to write a check as you are. If your partner is simply not on board with the loan, the deal is off. Marriage is a financial partnership. The partner who doesn't want to lend likely has veto power.

Discuss it with your partner

<ul><li>Lending money is nearly always a bad idea. Anytime you can say no, do so. Even if the person pays you back, you've opened a door that will never close again. You become the bank—it changes how your relative looks at you and how you look at them.</li><li>The experts agree that there are two cases in which you should refuse: if you simply can't afford it, or if the person has a history of borrowing from you or others and not repaying. </li><li>You probably won't feel awesome after refusing the loan. Own those feelings. Then tell them, 'For me, right now, this is the best decision.'</li></ul>

Trust your gut if it’s telling you to say no

If you can't afford to help, say no. Your job is to make sure you're on track to achieve your own financial goals. No one will care more about your money than you.

Don't lend money you don't have

Focus on your loved one's underlying financial issue and see if you can help address it. Help them find the resources they need or create a budget. Addressing the underlying issue doesn't just benefit your cash-strapped family member. It also helps you, by ensuring they don't come knocking on your door in six months, looking for more money.

Do offer to help in other ways

Yes, "gift." There's no other way to look at it, agree McCoy, Castro, and Hendershott: When you lend money to someone—even your closest, most trustworthy sibling—you must assume they will never pay you back and make your peace with that. "It would be nice to think they can and will repay you, and lots of people do," says Castro. "But if you think of the money as a gift, you will be free of any resentment or weird feelings the next time you see them at a family party. It's better for you to continue in your life without holding a grudge."

Feel good about giving this gift

Just because potential lenders should think of the loan as a gift doesn't mean borrowers should treat it as such. When you ask someone you love and trust to give you their money, it's a sign of respect to present a thought-out repayment schedule. Have a real conversation about how the loan will get repaid and when. Once you start talking about money, it only takes about five minutes for the conversation to become less awkward, and you can talk about it like the numbers on paper that it really is.Putting the loan terms in writing can go far to promote peace of mind and reduce resentment.

If you’re hoping to borrow, come armed with a payback plan

Lending money to a relative does not give you a free pass to criticize their spending going forward. Let them be free to do whatever they want with the money, and don't judge them for it. You need to see that person on their own journey and bring compassion, love, and acceptance to the table.The best way to let go of toxic, judgmental feelings is to remind yourself you gave a gift, not a loan—even if it appears your child is blowing your "gift" on new shoes.

Withhold judgment

When you ask a family member for a loan, treat it as a loan. Adhere to the payback schedule. And if you can't, start looking at plan C (because borrowing from a family member was already plan B). Renegotiate the terms with your relative so you can keep your promise to pay. If that's not enough, get a part-time job, sell some physical belongings, ask for a raise. You'll be glad you did, for the sake of your relationship with your family—and your peace of mind.

Stick to the payback plan—or revise it if needed

Lending money to family (or friends who are like family) isn't easy. If you're going to share your money with your parents, siblings, children, or another family member, consider these tips for lending money to family to keep your relationship intact. Here's how to lend money to family without ruining your relationship(s).

moneyandinvestments

Money & Investments

habits

Habits

How to Lend Money to Family Without Ruining Your Relationship(s)

It's not the disagreement that is the problem, but its impact on the workplace that must be managed. When channeled correctly, differing opinions can bring about positive change and new ideas.When employees are engaged in a conflict, don't take sides or assume that the dispute must be brought to an end fast. Employees don't always have to agree with each other. Healthy disagreement should be expected and even encouraged, provided those involved are not rude or disrespectful.

It's not about the argument

When conflicts occur, it's common to metaphorically "turn away" from the other person. We see the other person through a negative lens, focusing on what's missing, what's wrong, or the other person's flaws. Remind the individuals that they are on the same team. Ask them to think about how much they value their position at the company and how important it is for them to work well together. This shift in their thinking brings the bigger picture into play as it reminds them that they are a part of the larger organization.

Remind both parties that they are on the same team

How your employees relate and speak to each other is often more important than the topic at hand. Understanding how they interact is key to helping them resolve the conflict and move forward.Many people don't realize the impact their tone of voice or approach can have on other people. If one person feels attacked, they probably won't pay attention to what the other person is saying, even if they make an important point. Instead, they will likely focus on themselves and their reaction to how the other person was speaking to them.

Notice the language used in conversations

<ul><li>Suggest that each person start the conversation by stating their intentions. For example: "This situation is hard for both of us. I'd like to share my thoughts on this project, and then I'd like to hear what you think." </li><li>Recommend that one person speak first while asking the other to listen with curiosity and interest. </li><li>Have them plan to offer one or two main points or takeaways for the other person. Let the person listening know that they can ask questions once the speaker is finished. </li><li>Then have the employees switch roles.</li></ul>

Provide guidelines for navigating difficult conversations

The next time an argument between employees breaks out in your office, observe how your employees are interacting with each other and then teach them these practical ways to have a more effective conversation.When you address the negativity between two employees, you empower them to regain control, boost their confidence, and break poor communication patterns within your organization. This makes your entire team feel respected and valued.

Don't get caught up in the drama

teamwork

Teamwork

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

4 Steps to Manage Employee Conflict and Improve Morale

The pandemic has forced people to stay away from each other, cramped in their rooms, with no get-togethers or nights out. This is giving rise to loneliness, and also in the inability in making new friends.Before the pandemic, people used to join Yoga classes, jogging clubs or do volunteer work to meet new people. Now they use Tinder for the same, but even meeting new people does not solve their core problem of loneliness.

Lockdown Blues

<ul><li>Loneliness does not mean being alone, although that’s a big part of the problem.&nbsp;</li><li>It is defined as a lack of connection, or emotional closeness, and a feeling of unresponsiveness.&nbsp;</li><li>People can feel lonely while having a huge network of friends, as many celebrities do.&nbsp;</li><li>The problem is the depth and the authenticity of the connection.</li><li>Loneliness can be cured by intimacy, but being intimate with someone is a risky concept for most people.</li></ul>

Loneliness: What It Is

Human beings are social creatures that need other people with them. The warmth, the care, the gentle scrutiny, the old tales of yore, all are needed to make us feel buoyant and invincible, our worries dissolving in the laughter among people who care for us.

We Need Friends

Our perceptions get wrapped when we are lonely. The sense of social threat is magnified, as we tend to focus on awkward social encounters, playing them again and again in our heads. It keeps us in our shells and more withdrawn from the outside world.We also have unrealistic expectations out of friendships and romantic love, unable to understand that things can be different from our fantasies and ideals.

Being Lonely

Friendships can be difficult, and lockdowns have made them even harder to maintain. But we should cherish them

mentalhealth

Mental Health

Loneliness: coping with the gap where friends used to be

Making friends abroad is hard. Besides language, you're also a cultural outsider. If you're shy, the feeling of not belonging can make it especially difficult to build friendships.
The secret to making friends is contained in the approach. Instead of trying an upfront coffee date or 'let's get to know each other', try meeting people through a shared interest or history where you already have things in common.

The secret to making friends abroad

Hobby classes bring people with the same passion together, such as photography or diving techniques, where you'll have plenty to discuss. Newbies may talk about why they've taken up the hobby, while experienced hobbyists swap stories about past successes.
Most countries and cities have their own platforms where organizations can post local classes. To find classes, do an online search for "local classes [city]".

Hobbies bring people together

If your new country doesn't share your native language, this strategy can help you make friends.
A language exchange is a free way to learn a new language through structured conversation with native speakers. The discussion often focuses on a topic, like eating at a restaurant or shopping. You'll start in one language, then switch to the other. Some cities hosts clubs, but online platforms like Craiglist or Gumtree can also be helpful.

Find a language exchange partner or club

Dogs are perfect ice-breakers. Their need for socialisation gives you a chance to meet other dog owners.
<ul>
<li>Take your pooch for a walk to the nearest dog-friendly park. Most often, you'll find friendly dogs looking to play. While the dogs play, you can indulge in talking about your furry friends.</li>
<li>Many communities host regular dog meetups you can join. Check for opportunities online, at your local vet and pet supply shops.</li>
</ul>

Host a dog meetup

Adult sports clubs are one of the easiest ways to make friends after college. Everyone on the team shares a common interest, and it's common for teams to end their game with a meal or drink together.
Some clubs may have high registration fees, but the less competitive groups tend to be budget-friendly. Check online or at the community's athletic centre for your city's options.

Sign up for an intramural sports club

Whether you're passionate about animals or antiques, build friendships through volunteering. You'll have plenty to talk about between activities. You'll also learn about your town, making you less of an outsider.
Search for "volunteer opportunities [area name]" to find local volunteering options.

Volunteer with an organisation

The best way to find friends on Instagram is to follow hashtags for your area. You can also follow hashtags relevant to your work or interests, like "#femaletravelbloggers or #expats.
Once you find a few relevant hashtags, check Top and Recent tabs for profiles you want to follow. Leave meaningful comments on their latest posts.

Engage with locals on Instagram

Finding other expats in your area is one of the easiest ways to making friends abroad.
Finding expat Facebook groups is straightforward. Use the search feature and change the tab over to Groups. Submit a request to join and wait for admin approval.

Join expat groups for your country on Facebook

<ul>
<li>Take a course. If you're looking for tech-related sessions, look at General Assembly. For other options, try searching for Hotcourses. The platform filters by location and has classes from basic cooking to advanced music theory.</li>
<li>Volunteer with Hands On London. This non-profit connects people to volunteer opportunities with charities, schools, and other organisations.</li>
<li>Make use of your local common. Many London neighbourhoods have large, open spaces that host community events, running clubs etc. Browse platforms like Get Active or Meetup to see what's happening in your common.</li>
</ul>

How to make friends in London

Making friends abroad is tough, and making friends as an introvert can be a major struggle. Try these 7 strategies for making friends in a foreign country.

career

Career

Making Friends Abroad: An Introvert's Guide

<ul>
<li>Give detailed records of what all happens to you, communicating everything to your partner. Make it comprehensive and thorough.</li>
<li>Active listening is another overlooked aspect of communication, which we assume is only about blabbering. Listening gives us clues to what we should be doing, but we are too full of our own thoughts to give an ear to our partner.</li>
<li>Long-distance communication happens mostly on the phone, email, video calls, or text messaging. All the more reason to listen well as there is less body language and facial expressions involved.</li>
</ul>

Communicate And Listen Well

Do romantic stuff like sending a personal letter, or some flowers when the time is right. It is also a good idea to keep negative feelings like jealousy outside of the relationship.
Romance loses its power when you keep a score of what all you have given and received. This is not a game.

Don’t Lose Your Romance

It is good to ask yourself how much you love your partner, and what life would look like without this person in it. This exercise snaps you back to reality if your love is real.

Understand Your Love

Keep apologizing for all your mistakes. Find new, creative ways to apologize and mean it. Say sorry even if you think you are right.

Keep Saying Sorry

How to make long distance work? Have your own rules that are based on trust, patience, and love. Here are 7 commandments to serve as your guide.

The Commandments of Long Distance Relationships | Everyday Power

Passive-Aggressive behaviour is a hidden, manipulative form of anger, generally used to avoid direct communication. The passive-aggressive person tries to leverage their behaviour using tactics like inaction, avoidance, withdrawal, or silence, to manipulate the other person.
This behaviour arises mostly due to the way an individual has been brought up. Many families do not have core values and discourage emotional expression or communication.

Passive-Aggressive Behaviour

<ol>
<li>Sarcasm: When instead of directly talking about the problem, the person comments sarcastically.</li>
<li>Backhanded Compliment: A subtle form of passive-aggressive behaviour, where the individual gives a backhanded compliment, which is an insult in disguise.</li>
<li>Avoidance: When the child or spouse is refusing to speak for a long time.</li>
<li>Inaction: When the task or appointment is purposely missed, and no intimation is provided, with the clear intention to hurt the other person.</li>
<li>Withdrawal and Sulking: When there is no real, sincere communication but the person acts as if everything is fine. It is a more lethal form of silence.</li>
</ol>

Kinds Of Passive-Aggressive Behaviour

<ul>
<li>Hold the person accountable for their actions, with utmost kindness.</li>
<li>Stand your ground and not let the other person get under your skin and win by default. Their nonsense, manipulative behaviour cannot be ignored or justified.</li>
<li>Confront their behaviour and actions head on, do not get angry and let them know how their behaviour is making you feel, trying to move towards healing.</li>
</ul>

How To Deal With Passive-Aggressive People

<ul>
<li>Recognize your own passive-aggressive tendencies which can arise when you are overworked or stressed out.</li>
<li>Try not to use sarcasm as a defence mechanism to anyone who is not according to how you feel.</li>
<li>Be curious about others and give out real, sincere compliments.</li>
<li>Don’t avoid people with whom you are upset or angry.</li>
<li>Don’t procrastinate on stuff you avoid, like a difficult conversation.</li>
<li>Instead of moving into your shell, be in the open and talk about how you feel.</li>
</ul>

Don’t Be A Passive-Aggressive Person

Do you experience passive-aggression in your day-to-day life from someone you are close to? This is how to deal with passive-aggressive people.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

How to Deal with Passive-Aggressive People

A study was performed on 120 women in order to gauge their emotional distress and how it is relieved through the help of reinterpretation. These women were shown images that were invoking negative emotions such as anger, poverty, and sadness.
The study found that although reinterpreting the images alleviated their distress, it helped even more when the reinterpretation came from their friend. Thus suggesting that emotional regulation is more effective when other people actively help us with it.

The Practice of Reinterpreting

When we experience negative things it is important we lean on social support because most of the time our friends are better at regulating our emotions rather than ourselves.
We then feel supported, heard, and less alone. Sometimes we find it hard to believe ourselves therefore the practice of reinterpretation with a friend just seems more plausible than the things we tell ourselves.

Reinterpretation Of An Experience Is  More Soothing With A Friend

&quot;It’s not always easy to ask for support. We might judge ourselves if we can’t deal with our problems alone, or feel like we’re annoying our friends. But in the long run, we’re all better off if we support each other.&quot;

Dear Life Kit: Should I tell my friend they talk too much?

Olbers' Paradox: What the mystery of the night sky teaches us about our Universe | BBC Science Focus Magazine

Conversations on Polarizing Topics Are Possible. If You’re Up for It, Here’s How to Start - By Caitlyn Finton - Behavioral Scientist

How to Lend Money to Family Without Ruining Your Relationship(s)

4 Steps to Manage Employee Conflict and Improve Morale

Holden O.