Part of that embrace of limitation involves facing the anxiety that comes with acknowledging mortality. When we recognize the shortness of life—and accept the fact that some things have to be left unaccomplished, whether we like it or not—we are freer to focus on what matters. Rather than succumbing to the mentality of “better, faster, more,” we can embrace being imperfect, and be happier for it.

Embrace Idea Of Limited Time

One way is to keep two to-do lists—one for everything on your plate, one for the 10 or fewer things that you’re currently working on. Fill up the 10 slots on the second list with items from the first, then set to work. The rule is not to move any further items from the first list onto the second until you’ve freed up a slot by finishing one of the 10 items.A related strategy is to set a pre-established time boundary for certain types of daily work—for example, to resolve to write from 8 to 11 a.m.—and to make sure you stop when time’s up.

1. Adopt a “fixed volume” approach to productivity

Focus only on one big project at a time. Multitasking rarely works well—and you’ll soon find that serializing helps you to complete more projects anyway, thereby helping relieve your anxiety.

2. Serialize

You’ll inevitably underachieve at something, simply because your time and energy are finite. For example, you might decide in advance that it’s OK to have a cluttered kitchen while you finish your novel, or to do the bare minimum on a particular work project, so you can spend more time with your children.To live this way is to replace the high-pressure quest for work-life balance with something more reasonable: a deliberate kind of imbalance.

3. Decide in advance what to fail at

Since the quest to get everything done is interminable by definition, it’s easy to grow despondent and self-reproachful when you can’t get through your whole to-do list. One counter-strategy is to keep a “done list,” which starts empty first thing in the morning, but which you can gradually fill in throughout the day as you get things done. It’s a cheering reminder that you could have spent the day doing nothing remotely constructive…yet you didn’t.

4. Focus on what you’ve already completed, not just what’s left to do

We’re exposed to an unending stream of atrocities and injustices (e.g. via social media), each of which might have a legitimate that adds up to something no human could ever effectively address comprehensively. Once you grasp that fact fully, it’s good to consciously pick your battles in charity, activism, and politics—and devote your spare time only to those specific causes. Focus your capacity for care, so you don’t burn out.

5. Consolidate your caring

Digital distractions allow us to escape to a realm where painful human limitations don’t seem to apply.You can combat this by making your devices as boring as possible, removing social media apps and, if you dare, email. It’s also helpful to choose devices with only one purpose, such as the Kindle reader.

6. Embrace boring and single-purpose technology

Time seems to speed up as we age, likely because our brains encode the passage of years based on how much information we process in any given interval. While children have many novel experiences and time therefore seems slower to them, the routinization of older people’s lives means that time seems to pass at an ever-increasing rate.The standard advice is to combat this by cramming more novel experiences into your life. That can help, but it’s not always practical. An alternative is to pay more attention to every moment, to find novelty by plunging more deeply into your present life.

7. Seek out novelty in the mundane

The desire to feel in control of our limited time causes numerous problems in relationships.When faced with a challenging or boring moment in a relationship, try being curious about the person you’re with, rather than controlling. Curiosity is a stance well-suited to the inherent unpredictability of life with others, because it can be satisfied by their behaving in ways you like or dislike—whereas if you demand a certain result instead, you’ll often be frustrated.

8. Be a researcher in relationships

Whenever a generous impulse arises in your mind, give in to it right away rather than putting it off. Don’t wait to figure out if the recipient deserves your generosity or if you really have the time to be generous right now (with all of the work you have left to do!). Just do it. The rewards are immediate, too, because generous action reliably makes you feel much <a dir="ltr" href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/5_ways_giving_is_good_for_you">happier </a>.

9. Cultivate instantaneous generosity

If you can’t bear the discomfort of not acting, you’re far more likely to make poor choices with your time, such as attempting to hurry activities that can’t be rushed, or feeling you ought to spend every moment being “productive,” regardless of whether the tasks in question really matter.Doing nothing means resisting the urge to manipulate your experience or the people and things in the world around you, and to let things be as they are. You’ll no longer be so motivated by the attempt to evade how reality feels here and now; instead, you’ll learn to calm down, and to make better choices.

10. Practice doing nothing

Accepting our mortality helps us let go of busyness and focus on what’s most important to us in order to live a happier, more meaningful life.

Self Improvement

The average human lifespan is absurdly, terrifyingly finite. If you’re lucky and you live to 80, you will have lived about four thousand weeks. This truth, which most of us ignore most of the time, is something to wrestle with if we want to spend our limited time on this earth well.

Given that, it follows that time management, broadly defined, should be everyone’s chief concern. Yet the modern discipline of time management (or productivity) is depressingly narrow-minded, focused on devising the perfect morning routine or trying to crank through as many tasks as possible, while investing all your energy on reaching some later state of well-being and accomplishment. It ignores the fact that the world is bursting with wonder—and that experiencing more of that wonder may come at the cost of productivity.

As a recovering “productivity geek,” I know how it feels to become swept up in the idea of discovering the perfect system of time management. But I was eventually forced to accept that my struggles to achieve a sense of perfect control or mastery of my time were counterproductive, leading not to a life of more meaning but one of more overwhelm and stress. I came to see that I needed to give up the quest for that kind of control, letting go of the impossible goal of becoming perfectly efficient and embracing my limitations instead, so as to make more time for what was really valuable.

Here are 10 suggestions I make in my book, <a dir="ltr" href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0735232466?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=gregooscicen-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=0735232466">Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals </a>, about how to live with your limited time in mind.

We all need to make tough choices about what we can realistically get done, so that we can prioritize the activities that matter most, instead of reacting to a constant barrage of demands.

One way is to keep two to-do lists—one for everything on your plate, one for the 10 or fewer things that you’re currently working on. Fill up the 10 slots on the second list with items from the first, then set to work. The rule is not to move any further items from the first list onto the second until you’ve freed up a slot by finishing one of the 10 items.

A related strategy is to set a pre-established time boundary for certain types of daily work—for example, to resolve to write from 8 to 11 a.m.—and to make sure you stop when time’s up.

Focus only on one big project at a time. Though it’s alluring to try to alleviate the anxiety of having too many responsibilities or ambitions by getting started on them all at once, you’ll make little progress that way. Multitasking rarely works well—and you’ll soon find that serializing helps you to complete more projects anyway, thereby helping relieve your anxiety.

You’ll inevitably underachieve at something, simply because your time and energy are finite. But strategic underachievement—nominating in advance areas of your life in which you won’t expect excellence—helps you focus your time and energy more effectively. For example, you might decide in advance that it’s OK to have a cluttered kitchen while you finish your novel, or to do the bare minimum on a particular work project, so you can spend more time with your children.

To live this way is to replace the high-pressure quest for work-life balance with something more reasonable: a deliberate kind of imbalance.

Social media is a giant machine for getting you to spend your time caring about the wrong things—and too many of them at once. We’re exposed to an unending stream of atrocities and injustices, each of which might have a legitimate claim on our time and our charitable donations, but which add up to something no human could ever effectively address comprehensively. Once you grasp that fact fully, it’s good to consciously pick your battles in charity, activism, and politics—and devote your spare time only to those specific causes. Focus your capacity for care, so you don’t burn out.

Digital distractions allow us to escape to a realm where painful human limitations don’t seem to apply: scrolling idly around online, you need never feel bored or constrained in your freedom of action, which isn’t the case when it comes to doing work that matters.

You can combat this by making your devices as boring as possible, removing social media apps and, if you dare, email. It’s also helpful to choose devices with only one purpose, such as the Kindle reader. Otherwise, temptations will be only a swipe away, and you’ll feel the urge to check your screens anytime you’re bored or facing a challenge in your work.

Time seems to speed up as we age, likely because our brains encode the passage of years based on how much information we process in any given interval. While children have many novel experiences and time therefore seems slower to them, the routinization of older people’s lives means that time seems to pass at an ever-increasing rate.

The standard advice is to combat this by cramming more novel experiences into your life. That can help, but it’s not always practical. An alternative is to pay more attention to every moment, however mundane—to find novelty by plunging more deeply into your present life. Try going on unplanned walks to see where they lead you, taking up drawing or birdwatching, or playing “I Spy” with a child—whatever draws your attention into the moment more fully.

The desire to feel in control of our limited time causes numerous problems in relationships, resulting not only in controlling behavior, but also commitment-phobia, the inability to listen, boredom, and missing out on the richness of communal experiences with others.

When faced with a challenging or boring moment in a relationship, try being curious about the person you’re with, rather than controlling. Curiosity is a stance well-suited to the inherent unpredictability of life with others, because it can be satisfied by their behaving in ways you like or dislike—whereas if you demand a certain result instead, you’ll often be frustrated.

When it comes to the challenge of using your four thousand weeks well, the capacity to do nothing is indispensable, because if you can’t bear the discomfort of not acting, you’re far more likely to make poor choices with your time, such as attempting to hurry activities that can’t be rushed, or feeling you ought to spend every moment being “productive,” regardless of whether the tasks in question really matter.

Doing nothing means resisting the urge to manipulate your experience or the people and things in the world around you, and to let things be as they are. You can try the “do-nothing” meditation, where you set a timer for 5-10 minutes and then try doing nothing; if you catch yourself doing something—thinking, say, or even just focusing on your breath—gently let go of doing it. As you keep letting go, you’ll increase your ability to do nothing, and gradually regain your autonomy. You’ll no longer be so motivated by the attempt to evade how reality feels here and now; instead, you’ll learn to calm down, and to make better choices with your brief allotment of life.

Greater Good wants to know: Do you think this article will influence your opinions or behavior?

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Ten Ways to Make Your Time Matter

<ul><li>It’s not productive. Healthy reflection leads to new insights and behavior change. Unhealthy rumination keeps going and going without actually resulting in any benefit. </li><li>It’s compulsive. Healthy reflection is deliberate and intentional: you’re thinking about the past for a specific reason and for a specific amount of time. Unhealthy rumination, on the other hand, is something you just find yourself doing—like a bad habit (which it is!) </li> </ul>

Healthy vs Unhealthy Ruminations 

Culturally, we tend to put emotions up on a pedestal and romanticize them. But in reality, they are just one of many aspects of the human experience—not any more special or authoritative than any other mental capacity like sensation, perception, or logical thinking. Remember: Your emotions will lead you astray just as often as they will help you.

Don't Always Trust Your Emotions

Perfectionism isn’t about doing perfect, it’s about feeling perfect. Most perfectionists will freely admit that their excessive standards for achievement are totally unrealistic. But they keep holding themselves to them… Why? Because deep down <a dir="ltr" href="https://nickwignall.com/what-causes-perfectionism/">perfectionism </a>is less about being afraid of failure itself and more about having a low tolerance for feeling like a failure.

Perfectionism: The Quest To Feel Perfect

Worry is fundamentally different than effective planning and problem-solving. By definition, worry is unhelpful thinking about negatives in the future. Planning and problem-solving can be difficult because they’re negative, but they lead to results—they’re productive and generative. Worry gives us the illusion of control. But ultimately it’s a trap: You can’t control nearly as much as you would like.

Worry As Illusion Of Control

If you want to trust yourself more, learn to identify the habits in your life that are interfering with self-trust and work to eliminate them: <ul><li>Dwelling on the past </li><li>Worrying about the future </li><li>Trusting your emotions </li><li>Perfectionism </li><li>Procrastination </li><li>Reassurance-seeking </li><li>Ignoring your curiosity </li> </ul>

Summary

Reassurance-seeking is essentially outsourcing the hard work of managing difficult emotions to someone else. If you habitually shirk the responsibility of managing your own painful emotions, you’re telling your brain that you can’t handle them yourself. I mean, why would your brain trust you if that’s the message it’s getting all the time? Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with leaning on other people for emotional support sometimes. But if you do it to the exclusion of working through things yourself, it’s a setup for low self-trust.

Reassurance-seeking Can Kill Your Self-confidence

If you don't trust yourself, it's probably because one or more of these habits is interfering with your natural self-trust.

Not being able to trust yourself comes in all shapes and sizes from chronic self-doubt and imposter syndrome to indecisiveness and low self-esteem.

And while all of them are painful in the moment, the real tragedy of all self-doubt is that it leads you to miss out on life:

<ul><li>How many amazing careers were abandoned because people didn’t trust themselves? </li><li>How many incredible works of art never came to be because people didn’t trust themselves? </li><li>How many beautiful relationships never formed because people didn’t trust themselves? </li> </ul>

Sadly, many people’s low self-trust goes unchecked and even gets worse over time because of one basic misunderstanding about what actually causes it:

It’s not events from your past that make it hard to trust yourself—it’s your habits in the present.

If you want to start trusting yourself more, look out for these subtle psychological habits sabotaging your self-trust and work to eliminate them.

If you struggle to trust yourself, it could be because you’ve gotten in the bad habit of ruminating on the past, especially mistakes or misfortunes.

See, a lot of people convince themselves that they need to continually analyze and replay their past mistakes in order to avoid making them in the future.

And while there is a place for healthy reflection, you can always tell when it’s slipped into unhealthy rumination by these two signs:

Unfortunately, besides making you anxious and depressed, chronically ruminating over past mistakes and failures also trains your brain to believe that you’re not trustworthy.

If you’re constantly reminding yourself that you’re a screw-up, is it any surprise that you have a hard time trusting yourself?

If you want to trust yourself more, live your life going forward, not in reverse.

Take responsibility for your mistakes, of course. And learn from them if you can. But after that, have the courage and <a dir="ltr" href="https://nickwignall.com/self-compassion-habits/">self-compassion </a>to let them go and get on with your life.

“In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.”

Worrying about the future is the flip side of ruminating about the past.

People convince themselves that their chronic worry is inevitable or even necessary because, well, somebody has to think about negatives in the future, right?

Absolutely. But here’s the mistake:

Worry is fundamentally different than effective planning and problem-solving.

By definition, worry is unhelpful thinking about negatives in the future. Planning and problem-solving can be difficult because they’re negative, but they lead to results—they’re productive and generative.

The only thing worry leads to is stress and anxiety in the moment and low self-confidence and lack of trust in the long-term. Which makes sense if you think about it: How much trust are you engendering in your mind if you’re constantly worrying about every possible negative outcome in the future?

So why do we do it? Why worry so much if it only makes us anxious and kills our self-trust without actually getting anything done?

We worry because it does do something for us…

Worry gives us the illusion of control.

Life is full of sad, disappointing, and frustrating things. And our ability to actually change most of those things is far more limited than we like to believe.

But confronting our limitations and helplessness (and all the grief that would go along with it) is profoundly scary. So we worry because it makes us feel like we have control and can do something.

But ultimately it’s a trap: You can’t control nearly as much as you would like.

Better to get used to that reality than continue to live in denial, chronic worry, and low self-trust.

“There were many terrible things in my life and most of them never happened.”

I love this one because it always gets people riled up:

It’s just so WEIRD to hear a psychologist telling me not to trust my feelings… I thought the whole point was to get more in touch with my feelings and emotions?

There’s a huge difference between listening to your emotions and blindingly trusting them.

<ul><li>When your partner makes that sarcastic comment to you during dinner, your anger boils up and tries to convince you to say something equally biting and sarcastic back… Should you trust your anger? </li><li>When your boss offers you a promotion, your anxiety might immediately start yelling at you to say no because it would involve more pressure and responsibility and you might not be able to handle it. Should you trust your anxiety? </li> </ul>

Culturally, we tend to put emotions up on a pedestal and romanticize them. But in reality, they are just one of many aspects of the human experience—not any more special or authoritative than any other mental capacity like sensation, perception, or logical thinking.

Your emotions will lead you astray just as often as they will help you.

This means that while you’d almost certainly do well to improve your emotional self-awareness but trusting them blindly and impulsively is a recipe for suffering and low self-trust.

How could you trust yourself to focus and get important work done if you always trust your anxiety and use procrastination to assuage it? How could you trust yourself to be a loving partner if you always trust your frustration and act out all your <a dir="ltr" href="https://nickwignall.com/secret-life-of-anger/">anger </a>with your spouse?

By all means, listen to your emotions. But never trust them.

Perfectionism is a result of all-or-nothing thinking:

<ul><li>If I don’t get an A+ I’m a failure. </li><li>If she doesn’t love me, I’m unloveable. </li><li>I can’t publish this article because I know a bunch of people aren’t going to like it </li> </ul>

If you’re holding yourself to impossibly high standards, of course you’re never going to trust yourself to reach them!

But why do we do it? Why do so many people fall into the perfectionism trap despite all the stress, anxiety, and low self-trust it leads to?

Here’s the thing about the psychology of perfectionism:

Perfectionism isn’t about doing perfect, it’s about feeling perfect.

Most perfectionists will freely admit that their excessive standards for achievement are totally unrealistic. But they keep holding themselves to them… Why?

Because deep down <a dir="ltr" href="https://nickwignall.com/what-causes-perfectionism/">perfectionism </a>is less about being afraid of failure itself and more about having a low tolerance for feeling like a failure.

When the perfectionistic artist refuses to display her work in public, it’s not really because Joe Schmo Nobody is going to think it’s not good. It’s because the thought of somebody thinking her work isn’t good creates tremendous anxiety. And because she’s unwilling to tolerate that anxiety—that imperfect feeling—she lets yet another piece of art sit dormant in her studio.

Ultimately, perfectionism makes it hard to trust yourself because it kills your <a dir="ltr" href="https://nickwignall.com/7-habits-of-emotionally-courageous-people/">emotional confidence </a>—your belief in your ability to do the right thing despite not feeling the way you want.

If you want to start trusting yourself more, practice feeling bad and doing the thing anyway. Emotional tolerance is a superpower.

Procrastination means that you’ve broken a promise to yourself. And your brain is paying attention…

You said you were finally going to finish up that slide deck this afternoon. But because working on the presentation makes you anxious, you avoid doing it and do clear your office instead. You rationalize this decision by telling yourself that you can’t work in a messy office.

That rationalization might make you feel better in the moment, but let’s be honest: you’re not fooling anyone—definitely not yourself.

When you procrastinate and break a promise to yourself, you’re teaching your brain that you can’t be trusted to follow through on your commitments.

So if you’re in the habit of <a dir="ltr" href="https://nickwignall.com/the-4-causes-of-procrastination/">chronically procrastinating </a>is it any surprise that you also struggle to trust yourself?

Now, I don’t want to imply that <a dir="ltr" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Procrastination">procrastination </a>is something you can just get over with a snap of your fingers. No, it can be a very thorny problem with all sorts of subtle psychological causes.

But at the end of the day, if you want to get over your issues of not trusting yourself, you have to <a dir="ltr" href="https://nickwignall.com/3-tricks-to-outsmart-procrastination-and-stay-focused/">address your habit of procrastination </a>.

Reassurance-seeking is essentially outsourcing the hard work of managing difficult emotions to someone else.

And besides leading to resentment and conflict in your relationships, reassurance-seeking has the other downside of absolutely killing your self-confidence and ability to trust yourself.

Which shouldn’t be all that surprising…

<ul><li>If every time you feel anxious and worried about something you immediately call your spouse so they can calm you down, what message is that sending to your own brain? </li><li>If every time you feel disappointed in your self you immediately go to your best friend and they make you feel better by telling you how great you are, what message is that sending your brain? </li><li>If every time you feel frustrated at work you vent and complain to your coworkers, what message is that sending to your brain? </li> </ul>

If you habitually shirk the responsibility of managing your own painful emotions, you’re telling your brain that you can’t handle them yourself.

I mean, why would your brain trust you if that’s the message it’s getting all the time?

Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with leaning on other people for emotional support sometimes. But if you do it to the exclusion of working through things yourself, it’s a setup for low self-trust.

Be careful of using other people as a crutch to manage difficult emotions that are ultimately your responsibility.

As a psychologist, one of the saddest stories I heard over and over again was how people gave up on childhood dreams and passions because they weren’t approved of by parents or other authority figures:

<ul><li>Surgeons who secretly hate their profession because they’re actually passionate about architecture or basic research. </li><li>Attorneys who are chronically burned out at work because they’re really interested in music or mental health. </li><li>Civil engineers who can’t stand their work because what they really loved was carpentry or graphic design. </li> </ul>

What are you telling your own mind if you spend decades suppressing your genuine interests and curiosity in favor of what society or your family thinks is important?

Yeah, you’re teaching your mind—yourself—that what you want and are curious about isn’t important. And even worse, that your wanting is not as important as other people’s wanting.

And that, my friends, is a setup for chronic struggles with not being able to trust yourself.

Because, if you think about it, you took one of the most important decisions of your entire life—your profession and career—and said “I can’t be trusted to follow my own curiosity and interests when it comes to my work so I”m doing to rely on other people to make that decision for me.”

I’ll say it again: Why wouldn’t you have self-trust issues if this is the case?!

On the other hand, one of the best ways to start rebuilding trust in yourself is to have the courage—yes, sometimes it takes courage!—to follow your curiosity and pursue the <a dir="ltr" href="https://nickwignall.com/know-your-values/">things you are authentically interested in </a>, even if it goes against the grain of what society or your spouse or whoever thinks.

If you want to trust yourself more, learn to identify the habits in your life that are interfering with self-trust and work to eliminate them:

<ul><li>Dwelling on the past </li><li>Worrying about the future </li><li>Trusting your emotions </li><li>Perfectionism </li><li>Procrastination </li><li>Reassurance-seeking </li><li>Ignoring your curiosity </li> </ul>

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7 Psychological Reasons You Don’t Trust Yourself

So maybe every morning you get up, go to the bathroom, then make your bed. Link a moment in that routine (say, the bed making) to the habit you want to cultivate (maybe it’s reading 10 pages in a book). By tacking it on to something you already do, you’re much more likely to actually stick with it. And consistency really is the key to boosting happiness over time, Zucker said.

1. Pick a wellness habit, then link it to an a.m. ritual you already have.

That’s because when you reach for your phone (or tablet, or computer, or click on the TV) first thing in the morning, you’re really inviting the outside world to dictate your mood first thing, she said.You might not be able to control what time your toddler shuffles into your room in the morning or what time your alarm starts to blare, but you can at least try to protect your sleeping hours by keeping screens out of your room.

2. Get your phone out of your room.

Zucker noted that people tend to spend a lot of time talking to themselves in their own heads, particularly in the morning when feeling frazzled or stressed about what’s to come. He is a big fan of noticing self-talk and self-correcting using this simple technique: say your name.“If you use your own name in your self-talk, you’re more likely to follow cognitive advice,” Zucker explained.

3. Talk to yourself...

“Make a social contact with somebody you have positive regard for,” What that “social contact” looks like really depends on your personality and your schedule. “For someone who is busy, it may be a phone call or a text. If you have more time, meeting someone for a cup of coffee to start your day is really a boost,” .But research suggests that even if you don’t actually meet up with someone or send them an email or text, it can be enough to simply send good thoughts their way. “You can start with a simple appreciation practice,” Just bring a friend or loved one into your mind, then consciously focusing on the things you really cherish about them.

4. ... and somebody else.

While it’s true that there is a huge range of habits that can help boost happiness in the morning, researchers and clinicians tend to return to one again and again because it’s so powerful: gratitude.There are many different ways to work gratitude into your morning routines, but it can (and should!) be simple.“Many religions do a morning prayer,” said Task, who added that spending a moment doing something similar — whether you’re religious or not — can be a doable morning habit to cultivate.

5. Incorporate gratitude.

If you roll out of bed feeling tired or stressed, these a.m. habits can help you turn your mood around.

My published ideas

Mornings can be rough for many people who tend to <a data-rapid_p="1" data-v9y="0" data-ylk="subsec:paragraph;itc:0;cpos:1;pos:1;elm:context_link" dir="ltr" href="https://www.sleepfoundation.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/SIA-2020-Q1-Report.pdf" role="link">feel sleepy pretty </a>regularly, which in turn makes them <a data-rapid_p="2" data-v9y="0" data-ylk="subsec:paragraph;itc:0;cpos:1;pos:2;elm:context_link" dir="ltr" href="https://www.sleepfoundation.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/SIA-2020-Q1-Report.pdf" role="link">report feeling irritable </a>a lot of the time. And yes, it’s hard to feel cheery when you’re overtired and stressed — much of which, alas, is outside of people’s control.

But happiness experts say there are simple habits people can practice in the morning that will that have a profound influence on how they feel throughout the day. They’re easy tweaks that can help improve overall mental well-being.

Ready to take stock of your general day-to-day happiness and incorporate some new practices that can improve your mood all day long? Here are five strategies to consider:

This first tip is pretty broad, and that’s on purpose. Because the truth is there are many evidence-backed strategies people can use to try to boost happiness.

So you might take some time to cultivate awareness through meditation. (One simple strategy: <a data-rapid_p="3" data-v9y="0" data-ylk="subsec:paragraph;g:5f3e1095-7774-36b8-aab3-94a38f7974af;itc:0;cpos:11;pos:1;elm:context_link" dir="ltr" href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/steps-that-will-increase-happiness_l_5fdd12bac5b6e5158fa6feaa" role="link">Close your eyes and focus on the act of taking 10 breaths. </a>) Or you might be intrigued by the <a data-rapid_p="4" data-v9y="0" data-ylk="subsec:paragraph;g:5f482056-1c3e-37fa-a355-fd83dfdd0e39;itc:0;cpos:11;pos:2;elm:context_link" dir="ltr" href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/happiness-fitness-infographic_n_5832490" role="link">research that shows </a>incorporating exercise into your daily routine can help boost happiness. Maybe you’d like to spend a few seconds every morning simply focusing on whatever nature you see outside your window, whether it’s the grass in your yard or the sky over the city.

There really are so many different wellness habits that can help you, according to psychiatrist Murray Zucker, chief medical officer of the <a data-rapid_p="5" data-v9y="0" data-ylk="subsec:paragraph;itc:0;cpos:13;pos:1;elm:context_link" dir="ltr" href="https://www.happifyhealth.com/" role="link">health care platform Happify </a>. The key is simply to start with one — whatever it is— then attach it to a routine that you already have. You’re linking habit to ritual, he explained.

So maybe every morning you get up, go to the bathroom, then make your bed. Link a moment in that routine (say, the bed making) to the habit you want to cultivate (maybe it’s reading 10 pages in a book). By tacking it on to something you already do, you’re much more likely to actually stick with it. And consistency really is the key to boosting happiness over time, Zucker said.

“Start slow and build gradually,” he added. He encourages people to really just start with one new habit you want to link to your existing routine, then go from there.

“Do not have your screen in your room,” said Allison Task, a career and life coach who said that she insists on this as a non-negotiable with her clients. That’s because when you reach for your phone (or tablet, or computer, or click on the TV) first thing in the morning, you’re really inviting the outside world to dictate your mood first thing, she said.

And there really is a lot of evidence supporting the idea that screens hamper happiness. Studies have linked <a data-rapid_p="6" data-v9y="0" data-ylk="subsec:paragraph;itc:0;cpos:23;pos:1;elm:context_link" dir="ltr" href="https://time.com/4882372/social-media-facebook-instagram-unhappy/" role="link">frequent social media use to decreased mood over time </a>; other research has shown that a <a data-rapid_p="7" data-v9y="0" data-ylk="subsec:paragraph;itc:0;cpos:23;pos:2;elm:context_link" dir="ltr" href="https://www.newyorker.com/tech/annals-of-technology/e-mail-is-making-us-miserable" role="link">high volume of emails is connected with overall feelings of unhappiness </a>.

Furthermore, screens can get in the way of sleep, which is deeply connected to people’s overall sense of well-being.

“Sleep is just a game changer,” Task said. You might not be able to control what time your toddler shuffles into your room in the morning or what time your alarm starts to blare, but you can at least try to protect your sleeping hours by keeping screens out of your room.

Zucker noted that people tend to spend a lot of time talking to themselves in their own heads, particularly in the morning when feeling frazzled or stressed about what’s to come. He is a big fan of noticing self-talk and self-correcting using this simple technique: say your name.

“If you use your own name in your self-talk, you’re more likely to follow cognitive advice,” Zucker explained.

If, for example, you have a big presentation at work and you notice that you’re spending the morning psyching yourself out, telling yourself that you’re going to flop, you really can make yourself pretty nervous, Zucker said.

“But if I say: ‘Murray. You’ve done this before. You like doing this,’” you really can take some control over your own thoughts, which can set you up for greater happiness throughout the day.

“Just using your own name can be very helpful,” Zucker said.

“Make a social contact with somebody you have positive regard for,” Zucker said. This could really be anyone — a spouse or child, a friend, an extended family member.

What that “social contact” looks like really depends on your personality and your schedule. “For someone who is busy, it may be a phone call or a text. If you have more time, meeting someone for a cup of coffee to start your day is really a boost,” Zucker said.

But research suggests that even if you don’t actually meet up with someone or send them an email or text, it can be enough to simply send good thoughts their way. “You can start with a simple appreciation practice,” Cortland Dahl, a research scientist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s Center for Healthy Minds, <a data-rapid_p="8" data-v9y="0" data-ylk="subsec:paragraph;g:5f3e1095-7774-36b8-aab3-94a38f7974af;itc:0;cpos:28;pos:1;elm:context_link" dir="ltr" href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/steps-that-will-increase-happiness_l_5fdd12bac5b6e5158fa6feaa" role="link">previously told HuffPost </a>. Just bring a friend or loved one into your mind, then consciously focusing on the things you really cherish about them.

While it’s true that there is a huge range of habits that can help boost happiness in the morning, researchers and clinicians tend to return to one again and again because it’s so powerful: <a data-rapid_p="9" data-v9y="0" data-ylk="subsec:paragraph;g:ae96dbb5-4311-314f-8c23-2492b54b94e3;itc:0;cpos:32;pos:1;elm:context_link" dir="ltr" href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/practice-gratitude-everything-sucks_l_5fb806f9c5b680f7c38b7f64#:~:text=%E2%80%9CGratitude%20can%20improve%20the%20quality,enhance%20our%20self%2Desteem.%E2%80%9D" role="link">gratitude </a>.

In <a data-rapid_p="10" data-v9y="0" data-ylk="subsec:paragraph;itc:0;cpos:34;pos:1;elm:context_link" dir="ltr" href="https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier" role="link">research trials </a>, people who journaled about the things they’re thankful for during the week scored much higher on measures of happiness than people who instead noted things they’d been irritated by. And a daily gratitude practice may even <a data-rapid_p="11" data-v9y="0" data-ylk="subsec:paragraph;itc:0;cpos:34;pos:2;elm:context_link" dir="ltr" href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/improve-health-practice-gratitude/art-20270841" role="link">contribute to improved physical health </a>— which, in turn, contributes to overall feelings of happiness.

There are many different ways to work gratitude into your morning routines, but it can (and should!) be simple.

“Many religions do a morning prayer,” said Task, who added that spending a moment doing something similar — whether you’re religious or not — can be a doable morning habit to cultivate.

“Take that pause to appreciate that you’re alive, whatever that means to you,” she urged. Say to yourself: “I’m so glad I’m alive, and I get to play with my 2-year-old daughter,” Task offered by way of example. Or that you get to go to work. Or you get to walk your dog. Or even that you get to hit the snooze button again — yes, even if experts <a data-rapid_p="12" data-v9y="0" data-ylk="subsec:paragraph;g:d589f812-bcde-3a44-8d20-783c3b2fbb55;itc:0;cpos:40;pos:1;elm:context_link" dir="ltr" href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/morning-routine-mistakes_l_6021e7ddc5b6c56a89a3cd48" role="link">generally say it’s not a great idea. </a>

Just find some way to express some gratitude in the morning, because it truly can be enough to put you in a better frame of mind all day.

5 Things You Should Do First Thing In The Morning To Be Happier All Day

Practice good sleep hygiene. Aim for seven to nine hours of sleep. Keep consistent wake-up and bedtimes. Keep the bedroom cool, quiet and dark. Use the bed for sleep and sex only. Avoid alcohol, caffeine and exercise before bed. Turn off your screens 30 to 60 minutes before trying to go to sleep.Don’t chase sleep. Don’t go to bed early. Don’t sleep late. Don’t nap. You’ll diminish your sleep drive, making it even harder to go to sleep the next night.Don’t go to bed until you’re sleepy. Learn the difference between tiredness and sleepiness. (Sleepiness is when your eyes are drooping.) And limit your time in bed to the amount of time you are asleep, plus half an hour.Don’t stay in bed unless you’re asleep. Tossing and turning in bed reinforces your brain’s association between wakefulness (and negative emotions) and the bed.

Tips to help you sleep - 1

Health

Re-establish daily routines. Have a morning routine. Eat meals at the same time. Exercise at the same time (not too late). Log off work at the end of the day and take a walk.Stick to your natural circadian rhythm. You’re not going to be able to easily change whether you’re a night owl or an early bird. Recognize when you sleep best and stick with it.Have a bedtime routine. Just like a child. Establish a daily wind-down time. Then take a bath. Read a book. Relax.Stop catastrophizing. Quit telling yourself you won’t be able to sleep, or to function the next day. Ask yourself if these thoughts are really true. Replace them with positive thoughts. (“A bad night of sleep is not the end of the world.”) Then try to focus on something else. “People who sleep well don’t think about sleep all the time,” says Wendy Troxel, a certified behavioral sleep medicine specialist.

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Keep a worry journal. “Sometimes we worry because our brain is telling us to not forget something,” says Philip Cheng, a sleep researcher at the Henry Ford Sleep Disorders and Research Center. If you write your worries down during the day, “when worry comes at night you can tell yourself you’ve already documented it.”Practice gratitude. If you find yourself starting to ruminate in bed, think about the things you are grateful for, or savor your favorite moments from the day. This will train your brain to associate the bed with pleasant thoughts. “And it gets us back to feeling safe,” says Allison Harvey, a professor of clinical psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, and director of the Golden Bear Sleep and Mood Research Clinic.Listen to someone else’s voice. A pleasant but unexciting audiobook is ideal. Turn it on low volume when you go to bed. This will distract you from your thoughts.Try CBT-I. The website of the Society of Behavioral Sleep Medicine allows you to search for a therapist in your area. Some health programs, such as the Cleveland Clinic and the Department of Veterans Affairs, have programs. And app versions such as Sleepio and Somryst were developed by researchers.

Tips to help you sleep - 3

The pandemic has given us a year of lousy sleep and insomnia. Scientists say the usual fixes aren’t helping. Here’s what to do instead.

“Our brains have to feel like the world is safe and secure to be able to fall asleep,” says Wendy Troxel, a clinical psychologist, certified behavioral sleep medicine specialist and senior behavioral and social scientist at Rand Corp. “Sleep is a vulnerable state.”

We all know we’re supposed to have good sleep hygiene—keep a consistent schedule; use the bed for sleep and sex only; avoid alcohol, caffeine and bright lights before bed and practice other healthy sleep habits. This is important. But the American Academy of Sleep Medicine recently declared it’s not enough to solve chronic insomnia. In an article published online in February in the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, it <a dir="ltr" href="https://jcsm.aasm.org/doi/10.5664/jcsm.8986">recommended a series of treatments </a>collectively known as cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia, or CBT-I.

Unlike run-of-the-mill sleeping problems, insomnia is a clinical disorder. We have insomnia when we have difficulty falling or staying in sleep three or more times a week, and this lasts a month or longer, leading to daytime consequences, such as fatigue, mood changes or difficulty concentrating. Sleep experts believe insomnia is triggered in part by the fear and anxiety we have about not sleeping.

Ironically, insomnia can be driven by the things we do to try to solve it.

The brains of people with insomnia act differently than the brains of people who are sleeping well, according to Daniel J. Buysse, a professor of psychiatry and sleep medicine specialist at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine. Dr. Buysse has conducted PET scans of people who sleep normally and people with insomnia. In people with insomnia, parts of the brain involved with self-reflection and monitoring the environment show higher levels of activity during sleep compared with normal sleepers.

Ironically, insomnia is also driven by the things we do to try to solve it, experts say. We start to chase sleep—waking up later, taking naps, going to bed too early. This diminishes our sleep drive, which is our body’s need for sleep. It makes it harder to sleep when we’re supposed to. And it creates a vicious cycle: More time in bed means more opportunity for frustration and failure. Before long, we’ve taught our brain to associate our bed with the negative emotions we feel lying there.

“It’s Pavlovian,” says Philip Cheng, a clinical psychologist and sleep researcher at the Henry Ford Sleep Disorders and Research Center. “If you spend a lot of time in bed worried and frustrated and miserable, in time your brain learns that your bed is a place to do all of these things but sleep.”

CBT-I focuses on breaking this loop by helping us change the thoughts and behaviors that are counterproductive. Research shows it may have lasting effects—not just fixing our sleep problems in the present but helping us form a sort of sleep resilience. A study conducted by Dr. Cheng and colleagues and published online in November in the journal Sleep <a dir="ltr" href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33249492">found that people who received CBT-I years ago </a>have been sleeping better and have better mental health during the pandemic than those who did not.

The treatment is typically six to eight sessions with a therapist, but there is an abbreviated version, as well as online programs to try at home. The primary component is “sleep restriction,” also called sleep retraining, which is limiting the amount of time we spend in bed awake. To track this, we calculate our “sleep efficiency number,” which is the percentage of time we’re in bed that we’re asleep. The goal is at least 85%.

To help boost our sleep efficiency, we should avoid going to bed unless we’re sleepy. (I’ve learned the hard way that being bone-weary exhausted is not the same thing as sleepy.) And we shouldn’t stay in bed unless we’re asleep. If we’re having trouble falling asleep, we should go to another room, keep the lights low and do something pleasant but not too absorbing. Read a book. (No screens!) Do a crossword. Listen to some soothing music.

We need to wake up at the same time every day. (Yes, weekends too.) This helps regulate our circadian rhythm and keeps us from sleeping late, which would harm our ability to sleep the following night. To figure out when to go to bed, calculate the amount of time you are actually asleep during the night. Then subtract that from the time you need to wake up. That’s your bedtime, for now. (Don’t give yourself less than 6 hours in bed.) As your sleep gets back on track, start lengthening your time in bed slowly, by 15 minute intervals, to try to increase your sleep duration.

Finally, we need to challenge our thinking about our sleep. When we tell ourselves we “can’t sleep” or “won’t be able to function” the next day, we’re causing ourselves a lot of anxiety, which further interferes with our sleep.

After weeks of having trouble sleeping, I signed up for an online version of CBT-I and started tracking my sleep. I’ve set (and kept!) a consistent wake-up time and have become more careful about sticking to a steady daytime routine. I started going to bed later—I’m a natural night owl but had been trying to force myself to go to bed earlier, thinking I could catch up on sleep. And once I’m in bed, if I can’t sleep, I get back up and read until I feel my eyes starting to shut.

J T

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