We all know people who seem to attract fun. They’re the friends whose presence at a dinner party guarantees that everyone is going to have a good time. They exude warmth, playfulness and self-confidence, and people always appear happy to have them around.

People Who Seem To Attract Fun Are Everywhere

• They’re spontaneous. • They’re at ease with themselves and comfortable in their own skin. • They’re not afraid to be silly. • They’re not afraid to try new things and to be a beginner. • They’re not afraid to be vulnerable. • They’re appreciative of the small things. • They find joy in being alive. • You never feel judged by them. • They make everyone feel included. • They’re considerate of others’ feelings. • They get excited with you. • They create wonderful, shared memories.

Traits People That Attract Fun Have

What might not have occurred to you is that it’s possible for you to become one of those people yourself, even if you think of yourself as shy or introverted.Very few of the characteristics mentioned were genetically determined and you don’t need to be extroverted to be considered fun. In fact, many of the qualities people mentioned — such as being considerate of other people’s feelings — are things that introverts do naturally.

Introverts Can Also Be One

What’s more, many of the traits that make people seem fun are the result of choices and habits practiced over days and years. This means that, counterintuitive though it may seem, being a “fun” person is a skill we can develop. The primary thing that separates people who attract fun from their peers is their attitude. They approach life in general with what I call a “fun mindset”

Being A Fun Person Is A Habit

Having a fun mindset refers to the habit of intentionally approaching and reacting to your life in a way that is attractive to fun — or, more specifically, true fun, which I define as the confluence of playfulness, connection and flow.The secret to developing a fun mindset is to deliberately seek out as many opportunities as you can in order to create or appreciate playfulness, connection and flow.

Fun Mindset

Here are some specific suggestions for how to do so.<ol><li>Be easy-to-laugh</li><li>Say “yes, and”</li><li>Sprinkle playfulness, connection and flow into your days</li><li> </li></ol>

4 Ways To Develop A Fun Mindset

Being “easy-to-laugh” is one of the most powerful ways to nurture a fun mindset.We all enjoy spending time with people who make us laugh and who laugh a lot themselves. The easier you are to laugh (and the more things you can find to laugh about) the more attractive you’ll be, both to other people and to fun. And, to point out the obvious, you’ll also spend more time laughing, which in itself will make you feel good.

Be Easy-to-Laugh

“Yes, and” is a technique (and philosophy) derived from improv comedy in which you respond to new ideas and suggestions by agreeing with them (the “yes”) and building on them (the “and”).You are supposed to agree and then add something of your own. If I start a scene with ‘I can’t believe it’s so hot in here,’ and you just say, ‘Yeah … ’ we’re kind of at a standstill. But if I say, ‘I can’t believe it’s so hot in here,’ and you say, ‘What did you expect? We’re in hell.

Say "Yes, And

It's about deliberately choosing not to shoot down ideas, but instead to affirm and build on them — as a way to strengthen your fun mindset by opening yourself to spontaneity, making other people feel included, and becoming more adaptive (and, for that matter, less of a wet blanket).

Do Not Shoot Down Ideas But Build On Them

Another way to develop a fun mindset is to regularly — and explicitly — ask yourself, “How could I add a bit of playfulness, connection or flow to whatever I’m doing or experiencing right now?”You can do this whether you’re with other people or alone, and your ideas don’t have to be earth-shattering to be effective. Approaching life with a fun mindset can affect your moment-to-moment experience and improve your mood. Figuring out ways to add even teensy bits of playfulness, connection and flow to your everyday activities can also help objectively non-fun activities feel more tolerable.

Sprinkle Playfulness, Connection And Flow Into Your Days

In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and, snap! The job’s a game.

One of the play signals dogs use is the bow they perform when they try to get another dog to play with them — they lunge onto their front elbows, stick their bottoms in the air, and wag their tails. An example of a play signal in humans would be brief eye contact combined with a smile or a comment that invites conversation. Even a playfully sarcastic line can work, such as “Nice weather we’re having” when you’re in the midst of a snowstorm.

Examples Of Play Signals With Dogs And Humans

This is one of the many ways in which our interactions with our devices are getting in the way of fun: Instead of sending play signals, we’re all staring down at our screens. With no signals, there are no invitations to play, and no play happens. Making a point to look up from your phone and send play signals is a wonderful way to invite more playful interactions — and ultimately, more fun — into your life.

Devices Interaction Are Killing The Play Signals

And if you’re still feeling insecure or apprehensive about putting yourself out there, remember that anything you do to attract fun is a gift to the people you’re with. As bestselling author Michael Lewis points out, “People don’t want to have a boring life, or even a boring conversation. They’re just risk averse. If you create an environment where there’s no reason to be afraid, all of a sudden, things loosen up.” In other words, everyone wants to have fun; they just don’t know how.

Anything You Do To Attract Fun Is A Gift For People You're With

The more you cultivate your own fun mindset, the more fun you’ll attract — and the better equipped you’ll be to invite others to join you.

We all know people who seem to attract fun — here’s how you can do it too

You might have said them yourself, or you might be better acquainted with their cousins “When I get through ____________, I’ll feel better” or “If I just had ______________, life would be great.” We say these words all the time casually, carelessly. They seem innocuous enough, just an expression of a desire or dream. But in fact, this habit of saying “I’ll be happy when …” is far more insidious than it seems on the surface.

“I’ll be happy when …” is insiduous

That’s because “I’ll be happy when …” isn’t just a phrase. It’s a mindset — and that mindset keeps us waiting for happiness instead of cultivating joy in our lives right now. Reaching a milestone can feel good, but eventually we start to look for the next milestone, and then we’re back to thinking “I’ll be happy when …” all over again.

A Mindset That Makes You Unhappy

Happiness<a href="https://ideas.ted.com/4-lessons-from-the-longest-running-study-on-happiness/"> </a>is a broad evaluation of how we feel about our lives over time. It’s synonymous with what psychologists call “subjective well-being” and encompasses a range of different factors, including how we feel about our health and our work, whether we feel we have meaning and purpose in life and how connected we feel to other people.

What Is Happiness?

If happiness is how we feel about our lives over time, joy is how we feel in the moment. Joy is an intense, momentary burst of positive emotion. We can tell we’re experiencing joy because we feel it in our bodies as well as our minds. We smile and laugh, our posture opens, and we may feel warm or light. Joy makes us feel like the best version of ourselves — energized, invigorated, and alive.

What Is Joy?

Because happiness is somewhat big and complex, it’s not always easy to know what will make us happy.Many of us have been conditioned to see happiness as tied to certain big milestones in life such as finding a partner, getting a promotion, buying a house, having a child. We tell ourselves that securing these things will complete the puzzle and give us our “happily ever after.” But the reality is, we’re not always especially good at predicting what will make us happy.It’s also important to note that we don’t actually have a lot of control about how or when these big things happen to us.

Big Milestones Of Life: Often Unpredictable And Uncontrollable

n our pursuit of happiness, we end up postponing joy.

Research has shown that while happiness tends to spike in the wake of this kind of big life event, it tends to return to its natural set point not long after. Reaching a milestone can feel good, but eventually we start to look for the next milestone, and then we’re back to thinking “I’ll be happy when …” all over again.

Happiness Comes Always Back To Its Natural Setpoint

Every time we say to ourselves “I’ll be happy when …” what we’re really saying is “I can’t be happy now.”

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">We put off spending time with the people we love to put in overtime at work so we can get that raise.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">We don’t decorate our rental apartment because we want to save every single penny for a down payment, but in the meantime we live in a boring blank box.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">We put off the trip to Iceland until we have the right partner to go with. But then as we scroll through our Instagram feed, it feels like everyone else is living life while we’re just sitting on the sidelines.</li></ul>

Stop Putting Of Joy In The Present For Uncertain Happiness

<ul><li>makes us passive and stuck</li><li>keeps us waiting for life to happen to us instead of creating a life we want right now. </li><li>keeps us wishing and searching instead of enjoying and living.</li></ul>

The habit of saying “I’ll be happy when …” 

So often we dismiss joy because it seems like a distraction from the big happiness we’re hoping for. But even though moments of joy are small, they do something significant: They expand our world.And whether that happiness comes sooner or later, in the meantime you’re living a full life, one that is rich in joy.

Small Joys To Expand Our World

But what I’ve learned about leaning into the present rather than waiting for the future is that something unexpected always happens. Sometimes it’s adventure, and then you’re left with memories you never would’ve had if you’d just waited for happiness to find you. Other times, we find new friends, new opportunities, new inspiration — things that may actually help you get to the happiness you’re seeking faster or help you uncover a new definition of happiness.

Lean Into The Present For Unexpected To Happen

But I’ve realized that waiting for happiness is a habit, and like any other habit, we can break it. Now, when I catch myself saying some version of “I’ll be happy when …” I try to imagine myself in the future, looking back on right now.Then I ask myself: “How will I wish I’d used this time?” Asking this question always brings me back to joy, because the answer is never “Waiting for things to change.” Usually, it’s more like “Living the best version of my life as it is right now.”

Think Of Waiting For Happiness As An Habit To Break

See, waiting for happiness is often rooted in a kind of perfectionism, which works backwards from an imagined perfect life and measures everything else against it. Anything that falls short of that so-called perfect life is a disappointment. And since perfection is unattainable, even when you do get the thing you were hoping for, you’re constantly operating at a deficit.

Waiting For Happiness = Unhealthy Perfectioni

Joy, on the other hand, starts where you are. Joy begins with a beautifully imperfect life and asks: How can we can make this life more vibrant, more fun, more full of the things that make us excited to wake up in the morning? It’s a creative mindset, not a comparing one.

Enjoy Present Joy = Using You Creative Mindset

Every time you say that or its cousins "If I just had ____" or "When I get through ____", what you’re really saying is “I can’t be happy now.” Author and designer Ingrid Fetell Lee explains why -- and how she broke this habit.

Ever say “I’ll be happy when …?” Here’s why you need to stop doing that — now

Even though reading is better than a lot of other activities, you can still do it poorly or for poor reasons.To be a great reader, it is not enough that you read, it’s also how you read. The following strategies by no means are a complete list, but if you implement even a couple of them, I’m comfortable guaranteeing that you’ll not only be a better reader but a better person too. <ol><li>Stop reading books you aren’t enjoying</li><li>Keep a commonplace book</li><li>Reread the masters</li><li>Ask people you admire for book recommendations</li><li>Don’t just learn from your own experience</li><li>Get out of a dry spell</li></ol>

How You Read

Life is too short to read books you don’t enjoy reading. My rule is 100 pages minus your age — so if you’re 30 years old and a book hasn’t captivated you by page 70, stop reading it.That way, as you age, you have to endure crappy books less and less.

1. Stop reading books you aren’t enjoying

Take the time to type out quotes and passages from great books to feel great writing come through you. For example, craft <a href="https://ryanholiday.net/how-and-why-to-keep-a-commonplace-book/">a “commonplace book” </a>— a collection of quotes, ideas, stories and facts that you want to keep for later. It will make you a much better writer and a wiser person.

2. Keep a commonplace book

“We should hunt out the helpful pieces of teaching and the spirited and noble-minded sayings which are capable of immediate practical application — not far far-fetched or archaic expressions or extravagant metaphors and figures of speech — and learn them so well that words become works.”

You were in high school when you read The Great Gatsby for the first time. You were just a kid when someone tell you the story of Odysseus.The point is: You got it, right? You’ve already read them or learned about them, so you’re done, right?We cannot be content to simply pick up a book once and judge it by that experience; it’s why we have to read and reread.Because the world is constantly changing and we are constantly changing, therefore what we get out of books can also change.

3. Reread the masters

Ralph Waldo Emerson’s line was “If we encounter a man of rare intellect, we should ask him what books he reads.” If a book changed someone’s life — whatever the topic or style — it’s probably worth the investment. If it changed them, then it will likely at least help you.

4. Ask people you admire for book recommendations

Humans have been fighting and dying and struggling and doing the same things for eons. To not avail yourself of their knowledge is arrogant and stupid.Too much depends on you for you to learn solely by experience — you must also learn by the experiences of others. Drink deeply from history, from philosophy, and more. Study the cautionary tales and the screw-ups, the failures and successes.If you don’t, it’s a dereliction of duty.

5. Don’t just learn from your own experience

If you haven’t read hundreds of books, you’re functionally illiterate.

The path to wisdom is long and circuitous with twists and turns, ups and downs, highs and lows. Maybe you’re in the middle of a low right now, or you’re at the very bottom of the valley. This can be a scary place to be, because it can feel like you’ll be stuck there forever. It can be impossible for you to concentrate enough to read. But it can help to get out of it by rereading something that has really spoken to you in the past.Instead of expecting a random book to reach you, go back to something that’s already spoken volumes in the past and then you'll find out how much more it has to say.

6. Get out of a dry spell

Far too many good brains have been afflicted by the pointless enthusiasm for useless knowledge.

Simple advice to help you get more out of the books you read, from author Ryan Holiday.

6 strategies that will make you a better reader — and person

Trust takes a different shape depending on the form of partnership, but in all circumstances, we should try to design our partnerships — whether professional or personal — to default to trust. Here are 7 guiding principles:<ol><li>Assume good intentions</li><li>Create a safe, honest space for trust to grow</li><li>Be transparent and clear</li><li>Make hard conversations the norm</li><li>Allow mistakes to build trust</li><li>Watch your body language</li><li>Trust yourself</li></ol>

Ground Truth: Default To Trust

Don’t jump to conclusions about the other person’s actions, going immediately to a place of fear or distrust. Trust grows when you are confident the other person has your back, as well as the collective benefit of the relationship in mind.  A strong purpose helps embed good intentions in every action. It deepens momentary trust into something enduring and profound. Consistently defaulting to trust takes a leap of faith, which in turn encourages more trust.

1. Assume good intentions

This requires time and regular moments that build stability, history and joy. When you make honesty and openness a central priority with your Deep Connections, people won’t hide from difficult conversations. Don’t be afraid to talk about the tough stuff.

2. Create a safe, honest space for trust to grow

It’s easier to be honest and open when you design for transparency. A clear operating framework, including clear roles and responsibilities, is fundamental in enabling trust to flourish. It allows people to be heard, make decisions, take risks, be efficient and do extraordinary thinks.

3. Be transparent and clear

Don’t be afraid to talk about the tough stuff. The idea is to communicate openly, always, so that people are free to express themselves even when what they have to say is hard to hear. The worst thing you can do is disengage, ignoring stressors on yourself and others until the tremors grow into an earthquake that could destroy the relationship.

4. Make hard conversations the norm

No matter how carefully you craft a relationship, there are moments when trust can be broken, especially in the early stages, when you and your partner don’t have a sense of shared history to help you understand why someone is doing something that appears hurtful. Acknowledging and taking responsibility for mistakes can go a long way toward building trust. Ultimately, building enduring trust with someone else is impossible unless you already have that kind of trust in yourself.

5. Allow mistakes to build trust

Rolling your eyes or turning your back when someone is talking to you can be all it takes to undermine trust.

6. Watch your body language

Ultimately, building enduring trust with someone else is impossible unless you already have that kind of trust in yourself. As you better understand yourself, you will come to recognize that other people are simply trying to be their best selves, too. That understanding will enable you to collaborate more openly and effectively.

7. Trust yourself

Jean Oelwang, the president and founding CEO of Virgin Unite, has interviewed hundreds of people to figure out the key elements behind great partnerships. One of the most critical (and tricky) is trust -- and she explains how you can foster it.

7 ways to build greater trust in all of your partnerships

<ol><li>Smile</li><li>Exercise</li><li>Get plenty of sleep</li><li>Eat with mood in my mind</li><li>Be grateful</li><li>Give a compliment</li><li>Breathe deeply</li><li>Acknowledge the unhappy moment</li><li>Keep a journal</li><li>Face stress head-on</li><li>Declutter</li><li>See friends</li><li>Plan your week</li><li>Ditch your phone</li><li>Get into nature</li><li>Explore meditation</li><li>Consider therapy</li><li>Find a slef-care ritual</li><li>Give back</li><li>Take yourself out</li><li>Create a thought list</li><li>Take time to reflect</li><li>Reevaluate your goals</li><li>Take care of your body</li><li>Let go of grudges</li></ol>

Summary

Happiness can feel impossible, but it's always within reach. We'll break down 25 science-backed habits to help you get you mood on track.

How to Be Happy: 25 Habits to Help You Live a Happier Life

Emotional intelligence is the result of good habits, not nice ideas. And if you want to improve your emotional intelligence, commit to these practices:Let go of unhelpful thoughts Accept difficult emotions Handle your mistakes with compassion Choose values over feelings

While our instinct to think more and think harder serves us well most of the time, there are still a lot of situations when more thinking makes things worse Thinking hard is a tool. And like any tool, it can be used well or poorly. Emotionally intelligent people understand when a situation can benefit from more thinking and when it will only make things worse.<ul><li>Practice letting go of unhelpful thoughts, even if they’re true.</li><li>Exercise your ability to refocus your attention, instead of letting it wander anywhere it pleases.</li><li>Work on being aware of your thoughts without thinking more about them.</li></ul>

Let go of unhelpful thoughts - Idea

<ul><li>When an irrational worry is spinning through your mind, thinking more about that worry rarely fixes anything and usually makes you feel more anxious. </li><li>When you’re lying in bed at 2:00 am not sleeping, thinking more about why you’re not sleeping is only going to keep you awake longer. </li><li>Once you’ve reflected on a mistake and tried to learn from it, ruminating on it over and over again will only make you feel miserable. </li> </ul>

Let go of unhelpful thoughts - Examples

It’s natural to run away from painful feelings. But that only makes them stronger in the end. How you react to things—especially emotionally charged things—teaches your brain what to think about those things in the future.More than understanding that just because something feels bad doesn’t mean it is bad, emotionally intelligent people train themselves to react to painful emotions with acceptance, not avoidance.Because here’s the thing: When you accept your emotions with willingness, you teach your brain that they’re safe and normal however uncomfortable they feel.

Accept difficult emotions - Idea

<ul><li>If you consistently try to escape your grief by using alcohol or drugs, you’re teaching your brain that grief and sadness are dangerous. Now you’re anxious about grieving.</li><li>If you immediately try to calm yourself down any time you feel anxious, you’re teaching your brain that it’s bad to feel anxious. Now you’re going to become anxious about getting anxious.</li><li>Just because you feel anxious speaking in public doesn’t mean public speaking is dangerous and you should avoid it in the future.</li></ul>

Accept difficult emotions - Example

The habit of self-critical negative self-talk doesn't motivate us to be better in the future. All it does is discourage you because it keeps you feeling anxious, insecure, and full of self-doubtWhat if you changed your self-criticism habit into a self-compassion Self-compassion simply means treating yourself after a mistake like you would treat a friend: with kindness and encouragement.In practice, try this:<ul><li>Acknowledge the mistake for what it is.</li><li>Accept that you are helpless to change the past.</li><li>Focus on what you can actually control moving forward</li></ul>

Handle your mistakes with compassion - Idea

<ul><li>We tell ourselves that if we don’t study harder we’ll fail and not get into a good college. </li><li>We tell ourselves that if we don’t “suck it up” and “push through” our coach will think we’re lazy and we won’t get to play. </li><li>We tell ourselves that if we keep acting awkward no one is going to want to hang out with us. </li> </ul>

Handle your mistakes with compassion - Examples

The heart of emotional intelligence is the ability to subordinate your feelings to your values.The problem is when you get in the habit of making decisions based exclusively on how you feel because your feelings will get you into trouble just as often as they will help you.To become more emotionally intelligent people, train yourself to notice conflicts between feelings and values. And then ask yourself a simple question:What do I REALLY want right now?

Choose values over feelings - Idea

<ul><li>Is your feeling of desire for that bag of potato chips more “authentic” than your desire to be healthy and fit?</li><li>Is your feeling of anxiety and self-doubt more “authentic” than the evidence that you’ve given presentations like this dozens of times and they’ve always been well-received?</li><li>If you only take on new projects at work when you feel confident, you’ll never grow and probably miss out on some amazing opportunities.</li><li>If you only go to the gym when you feel excited and motivated, you’ll never get in shape.</li></ul>

Choose values over feelings - Examples

If it helps, try to get in the habit of thinking about Little-W wants and Capital-W wants: <ul><li>Little-W wants are things like the pleasure of tasting a candy bar or the relief from anxiety when you take those first couple shots of vodka. While not necessarily bad, Little-W wants often distract us from and interfere with our Capital-W wants… </li><li>Capital-W wants are things we want based on our values: Iwant to be healthy enough to play tag with my grandkids without getting winded or I want to do high-quality work not just rush through it . </li> </ul>

Little-W vs Capital-W wants

Self Improvement

4 Habits of Emotionally Intelligent People

Over the past few years, researchers have devoted significant study to the concept of solitude — its potential benefits, its role in our lives, even its basic definition.So, here are a few takeaways from their recent work — with an eye toward how you can embrace alone time and make solitude a healthy practice in your life.

Research On Solitude

Where is the line between "together" and "alone"? This question isn't easy to answer, and to date, psychologists haven't settled on a single definition of solitude or the nature of its "active ingredient".But many agree, at least when conducting their studies, that the key rests with whether participants feel alone. One's subjective perspective matters more than whether their objective circumstances would bear that out on closer inspection. In other words, if you feel alone, you probably are — at least for the purposes of your mental state.

Solitude In The Mind Of The Beholder

When we feel lonely, it's because our desire for company exceeds our ability to find it. This process can work in reverse as well: If our desire for solitude exceeds our ability to find it, we can also struggle with feelings of discomfort."If we're not satisfying that need, there might also be a cost, just like there's a cost of being lonely if you don't satisfy your need to belong."What constitutes the right amount of solitude varies person to person, Coplan says, but when you aren't getting enough time on your own, you may begin to feel more irritable, anxious or put out.

We may crave time alone the way we crave time with others

But that bolt from the blue need not arrive for solitude to show some psychological benefits. And you don't need to emulate a medieval hermit to get the kind of time and space needed to feel those effects either. <a href="https://louisville.edu/psychology/salmon">Paul Salmon </a>, a psychology professor at the University of Louisville, recommends looking at your quest for solitude more along the lines of a high-intensity interval workout — as a variety of exercise that can be brief and scattered throughout the day but no less effective for it.

Solitude As A High Intensite Interval Workout

Funny as it may sound, pursuing your solitude may help develop your sense of community. By asking others for the time to yourself, and explaining why this is no reflection on their company, Salmon says you are bringing others into your trust, which they may appreciate."Explain that it's not like you're isolating yourself and setting yourself apart, but that what you're doing is something of personal value," he recommends. "By doing so, you're inviting other people to at least acknowledge and accept that and possibly even engage in it themselves."

Solitude As Something Of Personal Value

And if even this does not help you obtain a separate space of your own, even for a little bit, remember that in many ways, solitude is what you make it. According to Salmon and his wife, Susan Matarese, a political scientist, also at Louisville, one doesn't need to be physically alone to experience solitude. Just close your eyes, turn inward for a bit and pay attention to what's going on in your body and what thoughts are going through your brain.

No Need To Be Physically Alone To Experience Solitude

How solitude can help you regulate your mood

It's not “don’t meditate” but rather, that meditation is like many things — great for some people, but not necessarily for everyone. If you’ve struggled with traditional forms of meditation, yet still crave a way to settle your mind and ease your anxiety, happily, there are other approaches that can create a similar kind of mental expansiveness to that offered by meditation. These techniques don’t have nearly the same fervor or body of research backing them, but they are valuable alternatives, especially for those of us who find meditation unbearable rather than unburdening.

Meditation Is Not Great For Everyone

I find that visualization gives me the same kind of distance and space that many people find in meditation, but it also engages my imagination in the process. Rather than feeling like I need to sit with uncomfortable feelings or ideas, it allows me to transform them creatively — not to avoid them but to work with them in a generative, dynamic way. I haven’t found great research on the use of visualization as a meditation alternative, but there are <a href="https://journals.lww.com/ajnonline/Citation/1998/98120/The_Benefits_of_VISUALIZATION__Research_suggests.25.aspx">anecdotal accounts </a>of nurses using visualization with patients, particularly children, as a method of relieving pain.

1. Visualization

Certain types of coloring may help reduce anxiety. In particular, <a href="https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ688443.pdf">research shows </a>that coloring a complex abstract design such as a mandala or a plaid pattern can reduce anxiety in a meaningful way. Structured patterns like this have strong symmetry that taps into the harmony aesthetic, which promotes calm through symmetry and balance, quieting the visual noise of our surroundings so we can focus more deeply on what we care about. Tied to this, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/07421656.2019.1645498">subsequent studies </a>have shown that coloring not only decreases anxiety, but also increases mindfulness and may also improve attention and creativity.

2. Colouring

Drumming is a grounding activity that lets us blow off steam in a safe and non-aggressive way. Notably, drumming is one activity that has typically been studied as a group intervention rather than an individual practice. It’s possible that solo drumming also has benefits, but <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s13612-016-0048-0">current research </a>on drumming tends to focus on the physical experience of rhythm, synchrony and belonging as the key drivers of mental well-being.

3. Drumming

Looking upward may also help, as this increases the amount of light that enters the eye, which itself has distinct benefits for mental well-being. Little research has been done on cloud gazing (sadly!), however <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0013916518807274">one study </a> points to the benefits of sky views as restorative, and accessible. While green nature views have been widely shown to help reduce stress, sky views are beneficial because they can be accessed even in dense urban areas.

4. Cloud Gazing

<a href="https://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/">Morning pages </a>are a creative tool devised by the writer Julia Cameron in her celebrated book <a href="https://geni.us/DBoXUYo">The Artist’s Way </a>. To do them, you simply write three long-hand pages first thing in the morning, writing without stopping and allowing whatever thoughts arise to go onto the page. For writers, morning pages are a way of breaking through the pressure of the blank page and opening a line of dialogue with your creative brain. No one has to read them. In fact, you can place them directly into the trash when you’re done if you choose.

5. Morning Pages

Walking meditation is <a href="https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/walking_meditation">a form of meditation </a>in its own right, but even if you don’t have a formal walking meditation practice, some form of mindful movement can be calming. Walking is easy and accessible to most people, and for those who feel stuck when attempting a seated meditation, it can help by engaging the body as well as the mind in the act of quiet reflection.

6. Walking

Meditation is great for some people but not for everyone -- including author and designer Ingrid Fetell Lee. Here, she shares some alternatives that can help expand your awareness, calm your mind, and sink into the present moment.

Can’t seem to meditate? 6 joyful activities for you to try instead

Part of that embrace of limitation involves facing the anxiety that comes with acknowledging mortality. When we recognize the shortness of life—and accept the fact that some things have to be left unaccomplished, whether we like it or not—we are freer to focus on what matters. Rather than succumbing to the mentality of “better, faster, more,” we can embrace being imperfect, and be happier for it.

Embrace Idea Of Limited Time

One way is to keep two to-do lists—one for everything on your plate, one for the 10 or fewer things that you’re currently working on. Fill up the 10 slots on the second list with items from the first, then set to work. The rule is not to move any further items from the first list onto the second until you’ve freed up a slot by finishing one of the 10 items.A related strategy is to set a pre-established time boundary for certain types of daily work—for example, to resolve to write from 8 to 11 a.m.—and to make sure you stop when time’s up.

1. Adopt a “fixed volume” approach to productivity

Focus only on one big project at a time. Multitasking rarely works well—and you’ll soon find that serializing helps you to complete more projects anyway, thereby helping relieve your anxiety.

2. Serialize

You’ll inevitably underachieve at something, simply because your time and energy are finite. For example, you might decide in advance that it’s OK to have a cluttered kitchen while you finish your novel, or to do the bare minimum on a particular work project, so you can spend more time with your children.To live this way is to replace the high-pressure quest for work-life balance with something more reasonable: a deliberate kind of imbalance.

3. Decide in advance what to fail at

Since the quest to get everything done is interminable by definition, it’s easy to grow despondent and self-reproachful when you can’t get through your whole to-do list. One counter-strategy is to keep a “done list,” which starts empty first thing in the morning, but which you can gradually fill in throughout the day as you get things done. It’s a cheering reminder that you could have spent the day doing nothing remotely constructive…yet you didn’t.

4. Focus on what you’ve already completed, not just what’s left to do

We’re exposed to an unending stream of atrocities and injustices (e.g. via social media), each of which might have a legitimate that adds up to something no human could ever effectively address comprehensively. Once you grasp that fact fully, it’s good to consciously pick your battles in charity, activism, and politics—and devote your spare time only to those specific causes. Focus your capacity for care, so you don’t burn out.

5. Consolidate your caring

Digital distractions allow us to escape to a realm where painful human limitations don’t seem to apply.You can combat this by making your devices as boring as possible, removing social media apps and, if you dare, email. It’s also helpful to choose devices with only one purpose, such as the Kindle reader.

6. Embrace boring and single-purpose technology

Time seems to speed up as we age, likely because our brains encode the passage of years based on how much information we process in any given interval. While children have many novel experiences and time therefore seems slower to them, the routinization of older people’s lives means that time seems to pass at an ever-increasing rate.The standard advice is to combat this by cramming more novel experiences into your life. That can help, but it’s not always practical. An alternative is to pay more attention to every moment, to find novelty by plunging more deeply into your present life.

7. Seek out novelty in the mundane

The desire to feel in control of our limited time causes numerous problems in relationships.When faced with a challenging or boring moment in a relationship, try being curious about the person you’re with, rather than controlling. Curiosity is a stance well-suited to the inherent unpredictability of life with others, because it can be satisfied by their behaving in ways you like or dislike—whereas if you demand a certain result instead, you’ll often be frustrated.

8. Be a researcher in relationships

Whenever a generous impulse arises in your mind, give in to it right away rather than putting it off. Don’t wait to figure out if the recipient deserves your generosity or if you really have the time to be generous right now (with all of the work you have left to do!). Just do it. The rewards are immediate, too, because generous action reliably makes you feel much <a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/5_ways_giving_is_good_for_you">happier </a>.

9. Cultivate instantaneous generosity

If you can’t bear the discomfort of not acting, you’re far more likely to make poor choices with your time, such as attempting to hurry activities that can’t be rushed, or feeling you ought to spend every moment being “productive,” regardless of whether the tasks in question really matter.Doing nothing means resisting the urge to manipulate your experience or the people and things in the world around you, and to let things be as they are. You’ll no longer be so motivated by the attempt to evade how reality feels here and now; instead, you’ll learn to calm down, and to make better choices.

10. Practice doing nothing

Accepting our mortality helps us let go of busyness and focus on what’s most important to us in order to live a happier, more meaningful life.

Ten Ways to Make Your Time Matter

<ul><li>It’s not productive. Healthy reflection leads to new insights and behavior change. Unhealthy rumination keeps going and going without actually resulting in any benefit. </li><li>It’s compulsive. Healthy reflection is deliberate and intentional: you’re thinking about the past for a specific reason and for a specific amount of time. Unhealthy rumination, on the other hand, is something you just find yourself doing—like a bad habit (which it is!) </li> </ul>

Healthy vs Unhealthy Ruminations 

Culturally, we tend to put emotions up on a pedestal and romanticize them. But in reality, they are just one of many aspects of the human experience—not any more special or authoritative than any other mental capacity like sensation, perception, or logical thinking. Remember: Your emotions will lead you astray just as often as they will help you.

Don't Always Trust Your Emotions

Perfectionism isn’t about doing perfect, it’s about feeling perfect. Most perfectionists will freely admit that their excessive standards for achievement are totally unrealistic. But they keep holding themselves to them… Why? Because deep down <a href="https://nickwignall.com/what-causes-perfectionism/">perfectionism </a>is less about being afraid of failure itself and more about having a low tolerance for feeling like a failure.

Perfectionism: The Quest To Feel Perfect

Worry is fundamentally different than effective planning and problem-solving. By definition, worry is unhelpful thinking about negatives in the future. Planning and problem-solving can be difficult because they’re negative, but they lead to results—they’re productive and generative. Worry gives us the illusion of control. But ultimately it’s a trap: You can’t control nearly as much as you would like.

Worry As Illusion Of Control

If you want to trust yourself more, learn to identify the habits in your life that are interfering with self-trust and work to eliminate them: <ul><li>Dwelling on the past </li><li>Worrying about the future </li><li>Trusting your emotions </li><li>Perfectionism </li><li>Procrastination </li><li>Reassurance-seeking </li><li>Ignoring your curiosity </li> </ul>

Reassurance-seeking is essentially outsourcing the hard work of managing difficult emotions to someone else. If you habitually shirk the responsibility of managing your own painful emotions, you’re telling your brain that you can’t handle them yourself. I mean, why would your brain trust you if that’s the message it’s getting all the time? Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with leaning on other people for emotional support sometimes. But if you do it to the exclusion of working through things yourself, it’s a setup for low self-trust.

Reassurance-seeking Can Kill Your Self-confidence

If you don't trust yourself, it's probably because one or more of these habits is interfering with your natural self-trust.

We all know people who seem to attract fun — here’s how you can do it too

Ever say “I’ll be happy when …?” Here’s why you need to stop doing that — now

6 strategies that will make you a better reader — and person

7 ways to build greater trust in all of your partnerships

How to Be Happy: 25 Habits to Help You Live a Happier Life

J T