They will help you move from a fear-based mindset to a confidence mindset.<ol><li>Shift your expectations from idealistic to realistic</li><li>Shift your judgments from moral to mechanical</li><li>Shift your criticism from people to actions</li><li>Shift your focus from thoughts and feelings to behavior</li></ol>

Use these 4 mindset shifts to boost your confidence

Expectations themselves aren’t a problem. The problem is that we rarely examine or update our expectations…Unrealistic expectations actually fragelize you and how lowering your expectations can surprisingly lead to more confidence and peace of mind.So, anytime you find yourself getting frustrated or resentful, use it as a cue to check in on your expectations, and if at all possible, update them to be more realistic.

Shift your expectations from idealistic to realistic

Make it a practice to judge persons and things in the most favorable light at all times and under all circumstances.When you’re in the habit of judging things—including yourself—in moral terms (right vs wrong, good vs bad), it’s easy to end up moralizing about things that aren’t actually moral. This results in an extra layer of guilt or shame that’s both unnecessary and confidence-killingThere’s a time and place for moral judgments. But if you want to feel more confident and resilient, be careful not to moralize things that aren’t actually moral.

Shift your judgments from moral to mechanical

There’s a time and place for moral judgments. But if you want to feel more confident and resilient, be careful not to moralize things that aren’t actually moral.

Like expectations, criticisms are not necessarily bad. In fact, we all need to be critical in order to grow, improve, and be better—both for ourselves and the people we care most about.But criticisms are dangerous because they easily slip from healthy and productive to unhealthy and hurtful. Be careful with criticism, including self-criticism. One simple way to distinguish whether your criticism might be helpful vs unhelpful is whether you’re criticizing a specific behavior or action vs an entire person. In other words, don’t overgeneralize with your criticisms.

Shift your criticism from people to actions

Here’s a counter-intuitive idea about dealing with fears and insecurities and building confidence:The solution to internal problems is usually behavior change. While it’s good to be aware of your thoughts and feelings, and to periodically reflect on them, most people who are anxious and insecure spend WAY too much time thinking about how to feel better and far too little time doing confidence-building things despite how they feel.<ul><li>Instead of: “If only I felt X, I could do Y.”</li><li>Try this: “I can do Y despite not feeling X.”</li></ul>

Shift your focus from thoughts and feelings to behavior

<ul><li>It’s very difficult to think your way out of worry and anxiety… analyzing your worries usually just leads to more worry, and as a result, more anxiety and insecurity. </li><li>If you’re racked with imposter syndrome, you can tell yourself that you’re smart and capable until you’re blue in the face, but it’s unlikely to change how you feel. </li><li>If you constantly feel anxious around other people, you can analyze your past and how terrible it was that your parents didn’t love you enough, but that’s not going to make your social anxiety go away. </li> </ul>

From “If only I felt X, I could do Y.”

On the other hand, when you commit to make small, but meaningful changes in your behavior despite how you think and feel, good things tend to happen:<ul><li>When you commit to going to the gym despite worrying about what other people will think of you, you’ll find yourself feeling more confident the next time.</li><li>When you commit to attending small social events despite feeling nervous, you give your brain a chance to learn that maybe you’re not quite as socially awkward as you keep telling yourself—and as a result, get a little more confident.</li></ul>

To “I can do Y despite not feeling X.”

A mindset is like your default way of thinking about things. Mindset work is key to nearly every aspect of our emotional health and wellbeing, but it’s especially helpful if you struggle with anxiety and self-doubt and want to become more confident.

Mindset Work Helps To Become More Confident

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

mindfulness

Mindfulness

mentalhealth

Mental Health

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

meditation

Meditation

4 Mindset Shifts That Will Boost Your Confidence - Nick Wignall

Here are one psychologist’s 5 favorite stress management tips that you probably don’t want to hear<ol><li>Exercise Regularly</li><li>Spend more time with supportive people</li><li>Lower your expectations of other people</li><li>Make time to worry on purpose</li><li>Find a different job or career</li></ol>

5 Stress Management Tips

Your brain is part of your body. And if you’re not taking care of your body, how can you expect your brain to function well and be resilient to stress? I know consistent exercise is tough for all sorts of very legitimate reasons. But that doesn’t make it any less important.If you’re chronically stressed and not consistently exercising, just stop reading right here and start make a plan to make this happen. Even 20 minutes a day of brisk walking is an excellent start and will make a dramatic difference in your stress levels.

1. Exercise Regularly

If you’re stressed, there’s a good chance that stress involves other people—conflict with a spouse or family member, worry about coworkers or bosses, etc. What people seem less aware of is that other people can also be one of the biggest sources of stress relief and resilience. Specifically… Spending consistent, quality time with people who are genuinely supportive helps you stay resilient in the face of stressors and difficulty. Now, like exercise, this takes some work and requires tradeoffs… If you want to make more time for spending it with supportive people, you’re going to have to say no to other things and protect that time. And if you don’t have supportive people in your life, that means doing some serious work to find and foster those types of relationships.

2. Spend more time with supportive people

It seems like a law of human nature that, left unchecked, our expectations of people only increase with time—especially the people closest to us.It also seems like a law of human nature that we strongly resist examining our expectations of other people, much less—God forbid!—actually lowering them.Unrealistic expectations are not inevitable. Start here: Pick one important relationship in your life and do an expectation audit. Sit down with a cup of coffee and pen and paper and start writing down all the expectations you have of them.

3. Lower your expectations of other people

Most people who are chronically stressed are also chronically worried. I mean, why wouldn’t you be stressed all the time if you’re constantly catastrophizing, playing out terrible outcomes in your mind, and imagining the worst? Unfortunately, you can’t just tell your brain to stop worrying—this usually just leads to even more worry and stress! And that’s because worry is a habit. Which means that if you want to do less of it, you have to train yourself to worry less. The best way I’ve found to re-train your mind out of chronic worry is a technique called scheduled worry. By deliberately making time to worry on purpose each day for a limited amount of time, you train your brain to let go of worries at other times throughout the day.

4. Make time to worry on purpose

Everyone wants to believe that if they just put on a happy face and do some positive self-talk each morning, or do some bubble bath self-care, all their stress is going to magically melt away.If you’re stressed out all the time it’s likely because the structure of your life is literally stress-inducing. And very often it’s the structure of your work life that’s the main culprit (marriages are a close second).So, difficult as it may be, you’re doing yourself a disservice if you’re not seriously considering and making concrete plans for how to leave an unhealthy job or career

5. Find a different job or career

health

Health

5 Stress Management Tips Nobody Wants to Hear - Nick Wignall

Whether you are craving salty chips, sweet gummies, or something else, your desire for that specific flavor or food is likely triggered by either a physical or an emotional factor. Knowing what is causing your craving can empower you to know what to do about them. Ahead, five types of food cravings and what exactly they may be telling you.

What Is Food Craving?

If your inner chocoholic is paying you a visit, your body could be in need of a mood boost.  Since chocolate consumption is linked to <a href="https://pubs.acs.org/doi/full/10.1021/pr900607v">improved feelings of calmness and contentment </a>, that chocolate craving can mean so much more than just needing something sweet.  If you are a female, craving chocolate may also be a sign that you are close to getting your period. Changes in hormones during the premenstrual phase can trigger <a href="https://cpb-us-w2.wpmucdn.com/web.sas.upenn.edu/dist/7/206/files/2016/09/ChocCraveMenopause_App_2009-280jt6p.pdf">blood sugars to dip </a>, resulting in certain cravings. A chocolate craving can simply mean you are close to that time of the month.

Why Chocolate Craving?

While chocolate does offer some nutritional benefit — like being a natural source of magnesium — certain varieties can be loaded with sugar. When tackling the chocolate attack, choose a small serving of dark chocolate or add some natural cacao powder to your smoothie instead of downing a king-size candy bar.

Solution To Chocolate Craving

According to data published in the journal <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8697046/">Obesity Research </a>, larger amounts of carbohydrates consumed is linked to higher levels of serotonin (the happy, feel-good hormone). In other words, your body may need that serotonin boost and knows it will happen after you enjoy that extra-large soft pretzel, loaf of bread or an endless bowl of pasta.

Why Carbohydrate Craving?

If you find yourself craving carbs more often than normal, ask yourself how you are feeling emotionally. What you may actually be craving is a mood boost, which can be accomplished in a healthy way with a sweaty exercise sesh or a chat with a good friend.

Solution To Carbohydrate Craving?

If you have a “salt tooth” instead of a “sugar tooth,” you may be <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3966472/">suffering from an iron deficiency </a>. Iron is an important mineral that plays a role in blood cell production and other important bodily functions. Having a deficiency means that you don’t have enough iron in your body, and you can feel tired and weak. Another cause of salt cravings is good old fashioned dehydration. When you crave salt, your body may be telling you that it needs to restore balance and replenish electrolytes.

Why Salt Craving?

The first step to learning whether you have an iron deficiency is to have your health care provider check your levels. Before you reach for the salt shaker, hydrate yourself first to see if that tames the craving.

Solution To Salt Craving

Sugar cravings are quite common and can strike at any time of the day. If you find yourself reaching for the candy drawer more frequently, it may mean that you are <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24879886/">tired, stressed, or hungry </a>. Essentially, your body is craving sugar for the energy boost.

Why Sugar Craving?

Before you down that box of gummy snacks, recognize if you skipped breakfast this morning, didn’t sleep well, or are experiencing stress in your life. If you say yes to any of these questions, your sugar craving may be telling you that you need to tackle one (or more) of these factors. Go to bed a bit early, have a healthy snack, or incorporate some yoga into your daily life. Your body will thank you for it.

Solution To Sugar Craving

Whether it is melted on a slice of pizza or enjoyed on top of a cracker, cheese is a commonly craved food for many.   If you are craving that ooey goodness, your body may simply be craving some comfort. Since dishes like mac and cheese and grilled cheese are the ultimate comfort food, you may associate the “warm and fuzzies” with these goodies.

Why Cheese Craving?

Cheese and comfort go beyond nostalgic reasons. All varieties contain the amino acid tryptophan, which aids in the production of melatonin and serotonin to help us feel more relaxed or sleepy. A <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4728667/">study </a>published in 2016 brought to the forefront that lower levels of tryptophan were linked to a depressed state. So, a boost of tryptophan may mean a more relaxed and better rested self!

Solution To Cheese Craving

Cravings can come out of left field. Some are completely random, and others can be a great indicator of bigger things going on in your body. Understanding why you are craving foods can help you navigate your health more mindfully.

Learn From Your Cravings To Improve Your Health

Food cravings can appear when you least expect them. But, the types of food cravings you may have may be telling you something.

food

Food

exerciseandfitness

Exercise & Fitness

5 Types of Food Cravings Decoded By an RD

The common way to talk about happiness is as a single scale: unhappy at one end, neutral in the middle, happy at the other end.That model is wrong.Instead, happiness and unhappiness are two separate, independent scales.A good life requires tackling each one separately.

Happiness and unhappiness are two separate, independent variable

This dramatically changes how you deal with various life-problems. If someone (including yourself) is struggling with low well-being, it's important to ascertain which of two problems are happening: <ul><li>not enough happiness </li><li>too much unhappiness </li> </ul>

Not Enough Happiness Vs Too Much Unhappiness

If someone has a lot of unhappiness, they need to get rid of some negative influence in their life. If they don't have enough happiness, they need to add something positive to their life.

Get Rid Of Unhappy InfluencesAdd Positive Things

First, you can have any combination of happiness and unhappiness. For example, you can be very happy and very unhappy at once (e.g. for people who are running stressful but autonomous projects)Equally, you can feel not-at-all-happy but also not-at-all-unhappy. It's a strange kind of feeling, and very distinct from (say) "moderately happy and also slightly unhappy", or "very happy and also very unhappy (this is called anhedonia

Any Combination Of (Un)happiness Exists

Second, a lot of the best changes in your life can end up feeling weirdly neutral in the longer-term: they get rid of something really negative, but the lack-of-negative doesn't actually create a positive, and over time you forget what it was like to live with the negative every day. Removing unhappiness doesn't actually increase happiness, it just.... removes unhappiness, which is good but unrelated.

Removing Unhappiness Doesn't Add Happiness

The common way to talk about happiness is as a single scale: unhappy at one end, neutral in the middle, happy at the other end. I think that model is wrong.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

Happiness Is Two Scales

Left unchecked, comparison can make you miserable. Seeing people be better at something than you are can feel like a vicious uprooting. But with the right tools, you can use your envy to uncover what you value.

Unchecked Comparison Makes You Miserable

Here’s how to take your envy, decode it and turn it into positive action: <ol><li>Listen to your strongest triggers</li><li>Make sure your envy doesn’t become malicious</li><li>Pick a broader baseline</li><li>Compare the nitty-gritty</li><li>Compare present you against past you</li></ol>

5 Ways To Turn Unchecked Comparison Into Action

Comparison can teach you what you value when you see yourself envying someone doing something you want, even if you haven’t consciously allowed yourself to want it.Self-awareness can help you turn your feelings into something useful, so the next time envy rears its head, ask yourself: <ul><li class="ql-align-justify">What do they have that makes me feel less than?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">What void do I believe having it would fill?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Do I really want what they have?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">If yes, how much, and is it worth taking action to try to get it for myself?</li></ul>The more specific your answers, the better you’ll be able to redirect your emotion into actions and strategies.

Listen To Your Strongest Triggers

Comparison-induced envy can be a great motivator and guide. It can also make us bitter. Psychologists distinguish between benign envy, when we admire someone and try to emulate them, and malicious envy, when we dislike the other person for having what we want. It’s the difference between “They have a penthouse apartment, and it’s cool how they got it” and “I hate that their home has panoramic views, and I want them to suffer.” To be clear: Both are painful. Benign envy motivates us to work harder to improve, while malicious envy makes us nasty. We often feel malicious envy when we perceive scarcity. But in many cases, another person’s ability to achieve something is evidence that it’s possible for us, too.

To shift your thinking from malicious to benign envy, try these phrases:
• “I’m inspired by _____. Maybe I can learn from them, or ask them to be my mentor.”
• “I haven’t done what they’ve done . . . yet.”
• “Every person is on their own journey. I’m grateful for mine.”

Shift From Malicious To Benign Envy

If you see a friend hitting a personal milestone, it’s easy to feel you’re far behind in life. But if you think of 10 or 20 of your acquaintances, chances are a bunch will be in the same boat as you – and might even be happily sailing along. In an experiment, researchers asked people to assess their running abilities. They found that participants spontaneously compared themselves with the best runner they could think of and deemed themselves not so great. The researchers then prompted the participants to list the top 10 runners they knew personally. By reflecting on the seventh- or ninth-best runner they had rubbed shoulders with, people suddenly felt a lot better. Comparing themselves with a broader group diminished the enormous gulf between themselves and what they thought of as “good.” Psychologists also find that broadening your perspective can be helpful when you experience what they call deprivation intolerance: when you don’t get what you want and that causes you to plunge into a pit of despair.

Thinking through a day-in-the-life can help you make better comparisons, for example by asking yourself:<ul><li>What would a day-in-the-life look like?</li><li>What specific pieces of that life do I want?</li><li>What specific pieces of that life do I not want?</li><li>What experience does this person have?</li><li>Is this comparison based on some imagined/ better version of myself or other people’s/ society’s expectation of me?</li></ul>Am I willing to give up the good things in my current life to have that?

Compare The Nitty-Gritty

You may not always be exactly where you want to be, but chances are you’re not where you used to be, either. Pausing to take stock of your accomplishments – and the skills you’ve developed as a result – can help you feel proud of your progress and untangle yourself from malicious envy.
A simple way to make this type of self-comparison a habit is to take a few minutes at the end of each month to reflect on these prompts:
<ul>
<li>What have I learned over the past few weeks?</li>
<li>What was difficult, and how would I approach it differently given what I know now?</li>
<li>What progress did I make?</li>
</ul>

Compare Present You Against Past You

Yes, comparing yourself with others is unavoidable, but by applying some of this advice, you can learn to use it to your advantage. Remember that you only see the tip of the iceberg, especially on social media – someone whose life seems perfect on Instagram may be dealing with struggles that you’re completely unaware of. One last good rule of thumb is to balance comparing up (looking at people who have more than you) with comparing down (looking at those who are worse off than you).

Comparing Up With Comparing Down

career

Career

communication

Communication

Comparing yourself to others is a sure route to misery — 5 ways to turn it into action instead

We all know people who seem to attract fun. They’re the friends whose presence at a dinner party guarantees that everyone is going to have a good time. They exude warmth, playfulness and self-confidence, and people always appear happy to have them around.

People Who Seem To Attract Fun Are Everywhere

• They’re spontaneous. • They’re at ease with themselves and comfortable in their own skin. • They’re not afraid to be silly. • They’re not afraid to try new things and to be a beginner. • They’re not afraid to be vulnerable. • They’re appreciative of the small things. • They find joy in being alive. • You never feel judged by them. • They make everyone feel included. • They’re considerate of others’ feelings. • They get excited with you. • They create wonderful, shared memories.

Traits People That Attract Fun Have

What might not have occurred to you is that it’s possible for you to become one of those people yourself, even if you think of yourself as shy or introverted.Very few of the characteristics mentioned were genetically determined and you don’t need to be extroverted to be considered fun. In fact, many of the qualities people mentioned — such as being considerate of other people’s feelings — are things that introverts do naturally.

Introverts Can Also Be One

What’s more, many of the traits that make people seem fun are the result of choices and habits practiced over days and years. This means that, counterintuitive though it may seem, being a “fun” person is a skill we can develop. The primary thing that separates people who attract fun from their peers is their attitude. They approach life in general with what I call a “fun mindset”

Being A Fun Person Is A Habit

Having a fun mindset refers to the habit of intentionally approaching and reacting to your life in a way that is attractive to fun — or, more specifically, true fun, which I define as the confluence of playfulness, connection and flow.The secret to developing a fun mindset is to deliberately seek out as many opportunities as you can in order to create or appreciate playfulness, connection and flow.

Fun Mindset

Here are some specific suggestions for how to do so.<ol><li>Be easy-to-laugh</li><li>Say “yes, and”</li><li>Sprinkle playfulness, connection and flow into your days</li><li> </li></ol>

4 Ways To Develop A Fun Mindset

Being “easy-to-laugh” is one of the most powerful ways to nurture a fun mindset.We all enjoy spending time with people who make us laugh and who laugh a lot themselves. The easier you are to laugh (and the more things you can find to laugh about) the more attractive you’ll be, both to other people and to fun. And, to point out the obvious, you’ll also spend more time laughing, which in itself will make you feel good.

Be Easy-to-Laugh

“Yes, and” is a technique (and philosophy) derived from improv comedy in which you respond to new ideas and suggestions by agreeing with them (the “yes”) and building on them (the “and”).You are supposed to agree and then add something of your own. If I start a scene with ‘I can’t believe it’s so hot in here,’ and you just say, ‘Yeah … ’ we’re kind of at a standstill. But if I say, ‘I can’t believe it’s so hot in here,’ and you say, ‘What did you expect? We’re in hell.

Say "Yes, And

It's about deliberately choosing not to shoot down ideas, but instead to affirm and build on them — as a way to strengthen your fun mindset by opening yourself to spontaneity, making other people feel included, and becoming more adaptive (and, for that matter, less of a wet blanket).

Do Not Shoot Down Ideas But Build On Them

Another way to develop a fun mindset is to regularly — and explicitly — ask yourself, “How could I add a bit of playfulness, connection or flow to whatever I’m doing or experiencing right now?”You can do this whether you’re with other people or alone, and your ideas don’t have to be earth-shattering to be effective. Approaching life with a fun mindset can affect your moment-to-moment experience and improve your mood. Figuring out ways to add even teensy bits of playfulness, connection and flow to your everyday activities can also help objectively non-fun activities feel more tolerable.

Sprinkle Playfulness, Connection And Flow Into Your Days

In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and, snap! The job’s a game.

One of the play signals dogs use is the bow they perform when they try to get another dog to play with them — they lunge onto their front elbows, stick their bottoms in the air, and wag their tails. An example of a play signal in humans would be brief eye contact combined with a smile or a comment that invites conversation. Even a playfully sarcastic line can work, such as “Nice weather we’re having” when you’re in the midst of a snowstorm.

Examples Of Play Signals With Dogs And Humans

This is one of the many ways in which our interactions with our devices are getting in the way of fun: Instead of sending play signals, we’re all staring down at our screens. With no signals, there are no invitations to play, and no play happens. Making a point to look up from your phone and send play signals is a wonderful way to invite more playful interactions — and ultimately, more fun — into your life.

Devices Interaction Are Killing The Play Signals

And if you’re still feeling insecure or apprehensive about putting yourself out there, remember that anything you do to attract fun is a gift to the people you’re with. As bestselling author Michael Lewis points out, “People don’t want to have a boring life, or even a boring conversation. They’re just risk averse. If you create an environment where there’s no reason to be afraid, all of a sudden, things loosen up.” In other words, everyone wants to have fun; they just don’t know how.

Anything You Do To Attract Fun Is A Gift For People You're With

The more you cultivate your own fun mindset, the more fun you’ll attract — and the better equipped you’ll be to invite others to join you.

entertainment

Entertainment

We all know people who seem to attract fun — here’s how you can do it too

You might have said them yourself, or you might be better acquainted with their cousins “When I get through ____________, I’ll feel better” or “If I just had ______________, life would be great.” We say these words all the time casually, carelessly. They seem innocuous enough, just an expression of a desire or dream. But in fact, this habit of saying “I’ll be happy when …” is far more insidious than it seems on the surface.

“I’ll be happy when …” is insiduous

That’s because “I’ll be happy when …” isn’t just a phrase. It’s a mindset — and that mindset keeps us waiting for happiness instead of cultivating joy in our lives right now. Reaching a milestone can feel good, but eventually we start to look for the next milestone, and then we’re back to thinking “I’ll be happy when …” all over again.

A Mindset That Makes You Unhappy

Happiness<a href="https://ideas.ted.com/4-lessons-from-the-longest-running-study-on-happiness/"> </a>is a broad evaluation of how we feel about our lives over time. It’s synonymous with what psychologists call “subjective well-being” and encompasses a range of different factors, including how we feel about our health and our work, whether we feel we have meaning and purpose in life and how connected we feel to other people.

What Is Happiness?

If happiness is how we feel about our lives over time, joy is how we feel in the moment. Joy is an intense, momentary burst of positive emotion. We can tell we’re experiencing joy because we feel it in our bodies as well as our minds. We smile and laugh, our posture opens, and we may feel warm or light. Joy makes us feel like the best version of ourselves — energized, invigorated, and alive.

What Is Joy?

Because happiness is somewhat big and complex, it’s not always easy to know what will make us happy.Many of us have been conditioned to see happiness as tied to certain big milestones in life such as finding a partner, getting a promotion, buying a house, having a child. We tell ourselves that securing these things will complete the puzzle and give us our “happily ever after.” But the reality is, we’re not always especially good at predicting what will make us happy.It’s also important to note that we don’t actually have a lot of control about how or when these big things happen to us.

Big Milestones Of Life: Often Unpredictable And Uncontrollable

n our pursuit of happiness, we end up postponing joy.

Research has shown that while happiness tends to spike in the wake of this kind of big life event, it tends to return to its natural set point not long after. Reaching a milestone can feel good, but eventually we start to look for the next milestone, and then we’re back to thinking “I’ll be happy when …” all over again.

Happiness Comes Always Back To Its Natural Setpoint

Every time we say to ourselves “I’ll be happy when …” what we’re really saying is “I can’t be happy now.”

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">We put off spending time with the people we love to put in overtime at work so we can get that raise.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">We don’t decorate our rental apartment because we want to save every single penny for a down payment, but in the meantime we live in a boring blank box.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">We put off the trip to Iceland until we have the right partner to go with. But then as we scroll through our Instagram feed, it feels like everyone else is living life while we’re just sitting on the sidelines.</li></ul>

Stop Putting Of Joy In The Present For Uncertain Happiness

<ul><li>makes us passive and stuck</li><li>keeps us waiting for life to happen to us instead of creating a life we want right now. </li><li>keeps us wishing and searching instead of enjoying and living.</li></ul>

The habit of saying “I’ll be happy when …” 

So often we dismiss joy because it seems like a distraction from the big happiness we’re hoping for. But even though moments of joy are small, they do something significant: They expand our world.And whether that happiness comes sooner or later, in the meantime you’re living a full life, one that is rich in joy.

Small Joys To Expand Our World

But what I’ve learned about leaning into the present rather than waiting for the future is that something unexpected always happens. Sometimes it’s adventure, and then you’re left with memories you never would’ve had if you’d just waited for happiness to find you. Other times, we find new friends, new opportunities, new inspiration — things that may actually help you get to the happiness you’re seeking faster or help you uncover a new definition of happiness.

Lean Into The Present For Unexpected To Happen

But I’ve realized that waiting for happiness is a habit, and like any other habit, we can break it. Now, when I catch myself saying some version of “I’ll be happy when …” I try to imagine myself in the future, looking back on right now.Then I ask myself: “How will I wish I’d used this time?” Asking this question always brings me back to joy, because the answer is never “Waiting for things to change.” Usually, it’s more like “Living the best version of my life as it is right now.”

Think Of Waiting For Happiness As An Habit To Break

See, waiting for happiness is often rooted in a kind of perfectionism, which works backwards from an imagined perfect life and measures everything else against it. Anything that falls short of that so-called perfect life is a disappointment. And since perfection is unattainable, even when you do get the thing you were hoping for, you’re constantly operating at a deficit.

Waiting For Happiness = Unhealthy Perfectioni

Joy, on the other hand, starts where you are. Joy begins with a beautifully imperfect life and asks: How can we can make this life more vibrant, more fun, more full of the things that make us excited to wake up in the morning? It’s a creative mindset, not a comparing one.

Enjoy Present Joy = Using You Creative Mindset

Every time you say that or its cousins "If I just had ____" or "When I get through ____", what you’re really saying is “I can’t be happy now.” Author and designer Ingrid Fetell Lee explains why -- and how she broke this habit.

Ever say “I’ll be happy when …?” Here’s why you need to stop doing that — now

Even though reading is better than a lot of other activities, you can still do it poorly or for poor reasons.To be a great reader, it is not enough that you read, it’s also how you read. The following strategies by no means are a complete list, but if you implement even a couple of them, I’m comfortable guaranteeing that you’ll not only be a better reader but a better person too. <ol><li>Stop reading books you aren’t enjoying</li><li>Keep a commonplace book</li><li>Reread the masters</li><li>Ask people you admire for book recommendations</li><li>Don’t just learn from your own experience</li><li>Get out of a dry spell</li></ol>

How You Read

Life is too short to read books you don’t enjoy reading. My rule is 100 pages minus your age — so if you’re 30 years old and a book hasn’t captivated you by page 70, stop reading it.That way, as you age, you have to endure crappy books less and less.

1. Stop reading books you aren’t enjoying

Take the time to type out quotes and passages from great books to feel great writing come through you. For example, craft <a href="https://ryanholiday.net/how-and-why-to-keep-a-commonplace-book/">a “commonplace book” </a>— a collection of quotes, ideas, stories and facts that you want to keep for later. It will make you a much better writer and a wiser person.

2. Keep a commonplace book

“We should hunt out the helpful pieces of teaching and the spirited and noble-minded sayings which are capable of immediate practical application — not far far-fetched or archaic expressions or extravagant metaphors and figures of speech — and learn them so well that words become works.”

You were in high school when you read The Great Gatsby for the first time. You were just a kid when someone tell you the story of Odysseus.The point is: You got it, right? You’ve already read them or learned about them, so you’re done, right?We cannot be content to simply pick up a book once and judge it by that experience; it’s why we have to read and reread.Because the world is constantly changing and we are constantly changing, therefore what we get out of books can also change.

3. Reread the masters

Ralph Waldo Emerson’s line was “If we encounter a man of rare intellect, we should ask him what books he reads.” If a book changed someone’s life — whatever the topic or style — it’s probably worth the investment. If it changed them, then it will likely at least help you.

4. Ask people you admire for book recommendations

Humans have been fighting and dying and struggling and doing the same things for eons. To not avail yourself of their knowledge is arrogant and stupid.Too much depends on you for you to learn solely by experience — you must also learn by the experiences of others. Drink deeply from history, from philosophy, and more. Study the cautionary tales and the screw-ups, the failures and successes.If you don’t, it’s a dereliction of duty.

5. Don’t just learn from your own experience

If you haven’t read hundreds of books, you’re functionally illiterate.

The path to wisdom is long and circuitous with twists and turns, ups and downs, highs and lows. Maybe you’re in the middle of a low right now, or you’re at the very bottom of the valley. This can be a scary place to be, because it can feel like you’ll be stuck there forever. It can be impossible for you to concentrate enough to read. But it can help to get out of it by rereading something that has really spoken to you in the past.Instead of expecting a random book to reach you, go back to something that’s already spoken volumes in the past and then you'll find out how much more it has to say.

6. Get out of a dry spell

Far too many good brains have been afflicted by the pointless enthusiasm for useless knowledge.

Simple advice to help you get more out of the books you read, from author Ryan Holiday.

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Reading & Writing

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Problem Solving

6 strategies that will make you a better reader — and person

Trust takes a different shape depending on the form of partnership, but in all circumstances, we should try to design our partnerships — whether professional or personal — to default to trust. Here are 7 guiding principles:<ol><li>Assume good intentions</li><li>Create a safe, honest space for trust to grow</li><li>Be transparent and clear</li><li>Make hard conversations the norm</li><li>Allow mistakes to build trust</li><li>Watch your body language</li><li>Trust yourself</li></ol>

Ground Truth: Default To Trust

Don’t jump to conclusions about the other person’s actions, going immediately to a place of fear or distrust. Trust grows when you are confident the other person has your back, as well as the collective benefit of the relationship in mind.  A strong purpose helps embed good intentions in every action. It deepens momentary trust into something enduring and profound. Consistently defaulting to trust takes a leap of faith, which in turn encourages more trust.

1. Assume good intentions

This requires time and regular moments that build stability, history and joy. When you make honesty and openness a central priority with your Deep Connections, people won’t hide from difficult conversations. Don’t be afraid to talk about the tough stuff.

2. Create a safe, honest space for trust to grow

Jean Oelwang, the president and founding CEO of Virgin Unite, has interviewed hundreds of people to figure out the key elements behind great partnerships. One of the most critical (and tricky) is trust -- and she explains how you can foster it.

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