<ul><li>Tell me about you. </li><li>Working on anything exciting lately?</li><li>What’s your story?</li><li>What personal passion project are you working on right now? </li><li>How do you know the host? </li><li>What was the highlight of your day today? </li><li>What was the highlight of your week? </li><li>Have you been to an event like this before? </li><li>What was the high-point and low-point of your day so far? </li><li>Has this been a busy time for you? </li><li> How’s that drink / appetizer / artwork / game? </li><li>Having fun? </li></ul>

Conversation Starters for Any Situation

<ul><li> What’s your favorite thing to do on the weekends?</li><li>What are your favorite restaurants around here? I </li><li>Keeping up with __sport / tv show / news__ recently?</li><li>Can you recommend any unique cocktails / appetizers / desserts here? </li><li>All the food looks so good… I’m not sure what to get! What are you thinking? Or what have you tried? </li><li>What a beautiful / cool / ugly / bizarre venue.</li><li>Did you see that viral ____ YouTube video? It was all over my social media today. </li><li>I’m making a coffee / going to grab a drink, does anyone else want one? </li></ul>

Keep the Conversation Going

<ul><li>If you had to pick any character in a book, movie, or TV show who is most similar to you, who would you choose? </li><li>When you were growing up, what was your dream job? Is any part of that still true?</li><li>What’s your biggest fear? </li><li>What’s your biggest regret?</li><li>Who is your role model?</li></ul>

Take Your Conversation to a Deeper Level

<ul><li>Is there a charitable cause you support?</li><li>I’m a bit nervous about the _____. Have you ever done it before? </li><li>What has been the best thing about working here?</li><li>Have you learned any insider tips about working here?</li></ul>

Conversation Starters for Work Appropriate Topics

<ul><li>What job did you want to do when you were a kid? </li><li>If you had to pick one–skydiving, bungee jumping, or scuba diving–which would you do? </li><li>What’s the most important thing I should know about you?</li><li>When you were a kid, what did you think your life would look like now? </li><li>Which of your family members are you most like?</li></ul>

Conversation Starters for a First Date

<ul><li>Do you think there are aliens on other planets? </li><li>If you were an animal, what animal would you be? Why? </li><li>When you’re a grown up, what type of house will you live in? </li><li>Who would win in a fight, a robot or a dinosaur? </li></ul>

Conversation Starters for Kids

<ul><li>What was your worst fashion disaster? Everyone has a few outfits from their past that seemed like a good idea at the time. T</li><li>What’s the most embarrassing thing you did at school / when you were a kid?</li><li>If you had a reality TV show about your life, what would your theme song be? </li><li>What’s your plan if there was a zombie apocalypse? </li></ul>

Funny Conversation Starters

<ul><li>January: What’s your New Year’s Resolution?</li><li>February: Do you usually celebrate Valentine’s Day? Do you think it is a real or fake holiday?</li><li>March: “I went to the coolest Irish bar last St. Patrick’s Day. Doing anything fun this year for it?”</li><li>April: How long did you believe in the Easter Bunny?</li><li>July: What’s the best fireworks display you’ve seen on the 4th of July?</li><li>October: What’s the best Halloween costume you ever had? Or Do you like haunted houses or scary rides?</li><li>November: What’s your favorite Thanksgiving Dinner food?</li><li>December: How does your family celebrate the holidays?</li></ul>

Calendar-Specific Conversation Starters

<ul><li>To the birthday person: “What was the highlight of your last year?” Or, “What do you want to achieve for next year?”</li><li>To fellow celebrators: “How do you usually celebrate your birthday?” Or, “What was the best birthday you ever had?”</li><li>To everyone else: “What was the best (or worst) birthday gift you ever received?” This is a great one to do around a dinner table. The answers are always hilarious.</li></ul>

Birthday Party Conversation Starters

<ul><li>You have a ___? Me too! Tell me more. </li><li>Hey – you’re a _______? That sounds really interesting. What’s your favorite thing about your job?</li><li>Sorry if this is a bit forward, but I’m going to try out that new _____ that opens downtown next week–would you like to come? </li><li>Hey, how is your week / weekend going?</li></ul>

Tinder, Bumble, and Other Dating Conversation Starters

How can you have memorable conversations with everyone you meet? Here are a few conversation starters so you can start a great conversation with anyone.

communication

Communication

Killer Conversation Starters So You Can Talk to Anyone

In classical mechanics, a harmonic oscillator is a system that tries to maintain equilibrium (homeostasis).The 80/20 of what you need to know is that when equilibrium is displaced, it bounces back in the same amount in the opposite direction and eventually brings itself back to equilibrium.Our mind:The high highs that we grow to look forward to in life are always followed by a low low. Always. If you don’t recognize it as a low low – congratulations, you have developed a certain level of mindfulness when interacting with the battles that come while you are deep in the trenches.

High Highs And Low Lows

Our mind is a network of complex systems that have been conditioned over time through positive and negative feedback. That’s how systems work, right?<ul><li>If you receive negative feedback, you won’t do that again.</li><li>If you receive positive feedback, you will do that again.</li></ul>If you consistently receive positive feedback for doing one specific thing, it becomes engrained in your psyche. The action, belief, or thought pattern becomes habitual. They happen on autopilot.

The Mind

The malleable nature of our mind can be very dangerous (when unconscious) or very beneficial (when conscious).This shows that we have the power to recondition, reprogram, or rewire our brain — but our harmonic oscillator of a mind won’t let us off that easy.

Reconstruct The Mind

If you want to change your life, you must change your identity.A healthy person does not see eating healthy as a chore. They ARE a person that eats healthy. There is no other option. It is enjoyable to them.A businessman does not see focused work as a burden every morning. They ARE a person who gets work done every morning.Changing your beliefs, identity, and life is not as simple as it sounds.

The Layers Of Identity

The human psyche is wired for survival. When your beliefs, identity, or life is threatened — the brain signals the body, your focus starts to narrow, and you give a bit too much attention to the thoughts flooding your mind. Equilibrium is displaced and your mind starts reacting accordingly to bring you back to homeostasis.The problem is that we live in a completely different world than our ancestors. We are rarely threatened on a physical level. Most of us have shelter, access to food, and the ability to make a living.

We Don't Have The Old Problems

By feeling into the lowest of lows in your life, you start to become fed up with your life situation.You become hyper aware of what is holding you back. You dig deep into the layers of your identity and find just the right piece to remove in order to launch in the opposite direction.This comes with a lot of pain and suffering — and is often uncontrollable. Burning down your metaphorical city may cause some deeper issues leading to another rock bottom years later in life.

How To Reinvent Yourself: Hit rock bottom

Everybody has heard of James Clear’s “One Percent Better Everyday” mantra.It holds a lot of power.When you reconstruct your city piece by piece, you build what would be New Seattle (without having to burn down half the city).Where do you begin?By getting crystal clear on your vision and anti-vision.

How to Reinvent Yourself: Stack Small Wins

If you don’t know what you want, understand what you don’t want and work in the opposite direction.Thanks to our brain's negativity bias, it is easy to observe what you don’t want and start working in the opposite direction.When you outline a vision for your future, it will shine the light of awareness on your blindspots.<ul><li>If you are lost, the answer is education.</li><li>If you are educated, the answer is action.</li><li>If you are acting, the answer is consistency.</li></ul>

Negativity Bias Can Be Used for Good

As you reverse engineer your vision into 10-year, 1-year, and monthly goals — you start to gain clarity on what you need to do in order to actualize that vision.Now, we can break things down into priority tasks.From there — and by far the most important step — is reducing the friction of taking action.What is the smallest mental, physical, emotional, or financial step you can take?Is it putting on your gym shoes and walking out the door?Is it moving one leg and getting off of the couch?Is it investing $25 into a course to show you are serious about improving your skill set?

Working Backwards

Life is chaotic. Ordering consciousness through vision and goal setting is how we gain a sense of certainty and control over our life.Since we are in an age similar to 5th century BC — there is information and an abundance of ideas circulating our world. People are losing trust in externally assigned hierarchies of goals whether it be from corporate culture, organized religions, or formal education.Because of this, you must play an active role in constructing your life. This requires personal responsibility, massive self-belief, and the realization that nobody is coming to save you.

Actively Construct Your Life

It is in your hands to collect and organize the abundant information in the world and organize it in a way that will result in a fulfilling income source, radiating health, an ordered mind, and a connected spirit.Most of your limitations are self-imposed. If you want something, there’s always a way – your mind just won’t let you see it.

If You Want Something, Go Get It

<ul><li>If you believe you are in the middle of a storm, you will be.</li><li>If you believe you are having fun on a roller coaster of waves, you will have fun.</li></ul>How do you actively construct your life?Through consciousness, creativity, and intention.The easiest way to do this is by treating every facet of your life as a project.

Your Life Is A Project

Here is all you need to start changing your life:<ul><li>Purchase a blank notebook</li><li>In big letters write “My Scientific Journal”</li><li>Treat your mind, body, spirit, and business as a lifelong project</li><li>Note observations, test small changes, analyze the results, and double down on what works</li><li>Stay conscious and aware through silent observation.</li><li>Self-educate to expand awareness and uncover new paths.</li><li>Hypothesize and experiment with solutions that will solve your problems.</li><li>Analyze the result and get feedback.</li><li>Document a replicable process that can help other people and bring you more feedback.</li><li>Rinse and repeat.</li></ul>

The Notebook

Life is a project and all you need is a notepad to reconstruct it.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

How To Reinvent Yourself

Everyone wants advanced knowledge. But it’s typically the basics that matter most.Most math is arithmetic, not algebra. Running a business is largely a matter of keeping revenues above costs. Good writing is the product of clear ideas and clean sentences.All skills break down into elemental components–coding has commands, painting has brushstrokes, comedy has jokes. Mastery of the performance results from mastery of the parts.

We Always Forget The Basics

We ignore the basics, not because they’re hidden, but because they’re so obvious. We don’t think about how to tie our shoes, drive a car, compose an email or complete routine tasks. Thoughtlessness saves effort but inhibits improvement. Bringing attention back to the basics doesn’t come automatically. We adjust our habits only when they fail to deliver results.

Overlooking The Fundamentals

One way to return to the basics is to change the environment. Skiing down a more difficult slope reveals technique errors not noticeable on groomed runs. Writing for an editor receives pushback you won’t get in your diary. Talking on the phone in a foreign language reveals mistakes you could avoid with body language in person.Another strategy is to change your goals. When you set a different standard for what you want to produce, your actions must adapt.Finally, you can find room for improvement by observing and analyzing your work after the fact, like rereading your old code.

Returning To The Basics

Our minds operate with a tight mental bottleneck. We can’t simultaneously apply our full bandwidth to performing a skill and also monitor it for improvement. So separate these tasks–examine your mistakes when you’re not in the middle of making them.

The Bottom Line

philosophy

Philosophy

education

Learning & Education

You’re Never Too Good for the Basics - Scott H Young

Our culture has long viewed creativity in ways that don’t serve us. On one hand, we view it as frilly and unnecessary—something we do for fun in our free time. And on the other hand, we think of it as a tool to help us build careers, make more money, and establish a name for ourselves in the marketplace. Neither approach is helpful.At its heart, creativity is neither an amusing play activity nor a tool. According to many psychologists, creativity is a form of human intelligence.

Creativity Is Serious Business

Creative intelligence—the ability to come up with new ideas—is one of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0521278910?ie=UTF8&tag=gregooscicen-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0521278910">three main types of intelligence</a>, alongside the ability to get along in different contexts (practical) and the ability to evaluate information and solve problems (analytical).All three modes of intelligence are important for success and well-being.To creatively flourish and produce our best work, creativity requires the same thoughtfulness, time, and attention as other kinds of intelligence.

The Real Definition Of Creativity

Although we live in a world that prizes instant gratification, deep creative work still requires focused attention.If you have unfinished projects and unresolved things that are consuming your mental energy, you’ll need to clear those up before your creativity can flourish. If something is on your mind, take care of it before diving into new creative work.You don’t necessarily need a physical room in your house, but you DO need some sort of physical space, even if it’s just a picnic table at the local city park.

Creativity Needs Space, Both Internal and External

Our best creative work is most likely to be <a href="https://hbr.org/2012/04/balancing-the-four-factors-tha-1">intrinsically motivated</a>, rather than motivated by extrinsic rewards like money.When we’re intrinsically motivated, we do an activity because it’s inherently satisfying, not for an external result. In the case of creativity, we’re inspired to act for the fun or challenge involved rather than because of external pressures or rewards.

Creativity Is Intrinsically Motivated

Your loves and passions are what inspire you to produce great things. Your passion is what keeps you going when you encounter resistance or difficult people, or experience setbacks or rejections. Valuing your heart’s longings will give you the courage to try out new directions and bravely explore new terrain. When your heart is moved and inspired, you’ll be a force to be reckoned with.

Passion Is Powerful

Our minds often get anxious when diving into new and unknown things, but research suggests that this is precisely when creativity has a chance to flourish.For example, in several <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/48660127">different</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1509/jmr.13.0499">studies</a> involving video games, participants were more creative when the game was open-ended rather than defined. When tasks, projects, and visions are open-ended—when we allow ourselves to dream—we are free to explore, experiment, follow intuitive hunches, and learn from what presents itself.

For Your Creativity to Flourish, It Wants Your Biggest Vision

Nurturing environments (and people) inspire the creative. Natural and beautiful environments “feed” the brain and support the production of new neurons, while ugly, unstimulating environments stop the brain’s generative process.If you’re procrastinating, unmotivated, or generally “blah,” ask yourself this: When was the last time you surrounded yourself with beauty? The power of beauty is real. Dwelling in it will shift your mood and inspire you.

Creativity Is Nourished and Fed by Beauty

Your deep creativity is subversive. It doesn’t care what your mother thinks, what your friends believe, or the institutional norms of your career. Creative terrain lies OUTSIDE of the institution that you work for, the social system that you grew up in, or what’s currently trending on social media. Many highly creative individuals spent time in their childhoods creating their “own worlds,” which the authors termed “paracosms.” In these made-up fantasy worlds, these future creative geniuses were free to create new languages, rules, and social systems.

Creativity Is Subversive

The essential starting point of artistic consciousness is acknowledging that something is “more than I can possibly know.” “Knowing” is not a creative state. It’s when we don’t know that we’re open to new information, ideas, and experiences in ways that we aren’t otherwise. Our minds want to “know” so very badly. But let’s give ourselves permission to not know.

Not Knowing Is the Starting Point for The Creative

Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things.

Creativity is a lot more than we ever imagined.

Unlocking your creative potential starts with setting up your environment and cultivating the right attitude.

problemsolving

Problem Solving

creativity

Creativity

Six Ways to Break Your Creative Blocks

They’re the friends whose presence at a dinner party guarantees that everyone is going to have a good time. They exude warmth, playfulness and self-confidence, and people always appear happy to have them around.• They’re spontaneous.• They’re at ease with themselves and comfortable in their own skin.• They’re not afraid to be silly.• They’re not afraid to try new things and to be a beginner.• They’re not afraid to be vulnerable.• They’re appreciative of the small things.• They find joy in being alive.

Some People Are Fun To Be With

Being appealing has also got to do with the way the fun folks made other people feel in their presence. For example:• You never feel judged by them.• They make everyone feel included.• They’re considerate of others’ feelings.• They get excited with you.• They create wonderful, shared memories.

Beautiful And Appealing Vibes

Very few of the characteristics mentioned were genetically determined and you don’t need to be extroverted to be considered fun. For instance, you do not need to be the life of the party to make other people feel included, or to create wonderful memories, or to appreciate the small things in life.In fact, many of the qualities people mentioned — such as being considerate of other people’s feelings — are things that introverts do naturally. They are the result of choices and habits, practiced over days and years. Being a “fun” person is a skill we can develop.

These Traits Can Be Acquired

The primary thing that separates people who attract fun from their peers is their attitude. They approach life in general with a “fun mindset”.Having a fun mindset refers to the habit of intentionally approaching and reacting to your life in a way that is attractive to fun — or, more specifically, true fun, which is the confluence of playfulness, connection and flow.The secret to developing a fun mindset is to deliberately seek out as many opportunities as you can in order to create or appreciate playfulness, connection and flow.

The Fun Mindset

The easiest way to have more humor … is not to try to be funny; instead, just look for moments to laugh.We all enjoy spending time with people who make us laugh and who laugh a lot themselves. The easier you are to laugh (and the more things you can find to laugh about) the more attractive you’ll be, both to other people and to fun. And, to point out the obvious, you’ll also spend <a href="https://ideas.ted.com/meet-a-scientist-with-a-most-delightful-job-he-studies-baby-laughter/">more time laughing</a>, which in itself will make you feel good.

Being Easy To Laugh

'Yes, and” is a technique (and philosophy) derived from improv comedy in which you respond to new ideas and suggestions by agreeing with them (the “yes”) and building on them (the “and”). You are supposed to agree and then add something of your own. If one person says ‘I can’t believe it’s so hot in here,’ and you just say, ‘Yeah … ’ we’re kind of at a standstill.But if you say, ‘What did you expect? We’re in hell' or ‘Yes, this can’t be good for the wax figurines.’ then you are agreeing and adding value.

The 'Yes, And' Technique

Another way to develop a fun mindset is to regularly — and explicitly — ask yourself, “How could I add a bit of playfulness, connection or flow to whatever I’m doing or experiencing right now?”You can do this whether you’re with other people or alone, and your ideas don’t have to be earth-shattering to be effectiveFiguring out ways to add even teensy bits of playfulness, connection and flow to your everyday activities can also help objectively non-fun activities, such as chores, feel more tolerable.

Sprinkle Playfulness, Connection and Flow Into Your Days

In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and, snap! The job’s a game.

Another way to build a fun mindset is to create more moments of everyday connection by sending out more play signals — i.e., things we do to let other creatures know that we are being playful and that our intentions are friendly, and to invite them to respond with playfulness, too.One of the play signals dogs use is the bow they perform when they try to get another dog to play with them — they lunge onto their front elbows, stick their bottoms in the air, and wag their tails.

Send out Play Signals

People don’t want to have a boring life, or even a boring conversation. They’re just risk averse. If you create an environment where there’s no reason to be afraid, all of a sudden, things loosen up. Everyone wants to have fun; they just don’t know how.The more you cultivate your own fun mindset, the more fun you’ll attract — and the better equipped you’ll be to invite others to join you.

It's all about developing what journalist Catherine Price calls a "fun mindset." Here, she shares four ways that you can create -- or appreciate -- moments of fun in your life.

entertainment

Entertainment

We all know people who seem to attract fun — here’s how you can do it too

Being wrong is an unavoidable aspect of the human condition. Defining what constitutes “wrong,” however, can get messy. People can be wrong about any multitude of things, from misremembering the name of a ’90s pop song to incorrectly casting blame onto a friend during a heated argument. Mistakes happen on scales big and small, topics tangible and moral or ethical. Being wrong can be defined as a deviation from external reality, or an internal upheaval in what we believe, with the caveat that wrongness is too vast to fit neatly into either category.

The Familiar Feeling Of Being Wrong

Cognitive dissonance: When two beliefs or behaviours conflict or when a person’s actions contradict their beliefs. This conflict usually results in anxiety or feelings of uncertainty.The motivation to reduce the dissonance leads us to double down on our beliefs and come back to those beliefs stronger.

Barriers To Recognizing Error

When we err, we risk social ostracism or embarrassment.Admitting that you’re wrong actually improves our reputation.By owning up to our errors, others see us as friendlier and more agreeable.

Admitting That You Are Wrong Is A Positive Thing

<ul><li>Normalizing wrongness can help people more easily come to realizations of their own fallibility</li><li>If we see people own up to mistakes and move on from them, it may be that we are more likely to admit fault ourselves</li><li>Uncovering a mistake in your work allows you to grow</li><li>Here's an opportunity for me to learn something"</li></ul>

Use Mistakes as An Opportunity to Model Wrongness

Admitting wrongdoing isn’t a failure, it’s an opportunity.

How to admit you’re wrong

Harvey Spencer is flawed and fictional, yet his portrayal can teach you about confidence and power. Much of learning to convey a deep sense of confidence and power has to do with frames.Frames are the unspoken context that dictates the rules of any interaction.

Showing confidence and power

Harvey often surprises people by entering big and bold. He established the frame that the other person will react to his emotional state. You’ll often see Harvey respond slower and subdued when somebody directs him to do something. He takes his time which communicates that he doesn’t need to jump because they say so. When Harvey is in conflict with someone, he responds by not rising to it.

Control the frame with your body language and tone

Harvey has the ability to dictate the frame. Broadcasting that you’re always in control is not a good way to be,  but it does contribute to a sense of awe. Harvey frames himself as nearly omnipotent. He dictates not what he’d like to happen or what he hopes will happen but how things will undoubtedly unfold.

Dictating the frame

<ul><li>When people are nervous or want things to sound more like an invitation, they will use an upward inflection.</li><li>Commands and certainties are often spoken with downward inflections.</li><li>When you tell people what’s going to happen, you typically do it with a downward inflection.</li></ul> For the purposes of charisma, setting a higher energy frame is best in entrances and greetings, while a slower, less reactive frame is more powerful in moments of conflict.

Tonality

Challenging the content would imply that you’ve accepted their frame and need to defend yourself. Shifting the framing is a verbal way of taking back control. The simple act of not being so concerned with defending yourself when someone makes a joke about you will take you a long way. The less you focus on defending yourself, the better your banter will become.

When in confrontation, attack the frame, not the content

The unspoken frame is that others are lucky to be working with you. When others treat Harvey as inferior, he quickly asserts that he has the power to leave them.  If you’re in any kind of sales role or client-facing role, you will do much better if you shift your mindset from “I’m selling to this person” or “I work for this person” to “this person needs me to partner with them.” Rather than work for the praise of a client, Harvey allows them to earn his favour.

Have the belief that you are not there to impress

That way you can make people feel like you have total control over the situation. In reality, you only have control over the menu. The person who controls the menu controls the outcome.  Harvey is savvy enough to recognise that there is always another option that suits him better than what the menu would offer.

Become an expert at framing people’s options

In any negotiation, the person with a better second option will win. Harvey knows that he can always get another client or another job or find another way. He doesn’t need anyone specific to do anything for him. Instead, he can get what he wants and needs from various sources. In your career, create options. You are more likely to get a raise if you’ve been developing your skills in your free time and you know you could get another job.

Create options for yourself

Check out Charisma University: https://bit.ly/2psreFK Subscribe to Charisma On Command’s YouTube Account: http://bit.ly/COC-Subscribe Game of Thrones: How Power Really Works: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NQiHtbpa8s Harvey Specter isn't exactly the perfect man. He can be rude, emotionally stunted and sarcastic. But even though he is flawed and of course fictional, his portrayal can teach you quite a bit about confidence and power in the real world. So in this video you’ll learn concrete steps and deeper mindsets for conveying a deep sense of confidence and power. ⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰ 0:48 - #1: Your body language & tone. 4:29 - #2: Attack the framing, not the content of the insult. 5:52 - #3: Don’t be there to impress. 8:09 - #4: Learn to become an expert at framing your options in any particular scenario. 9:20 - #5: Create options for yourself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- #HarveySpecter #CharismaOnCommand -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Connect with us further: Website: http://www.charismaoncommand.com Facebook: http://facebook.com/charismaoncommand Instagram: @CharismaOnCommand Or if you want to see our personal stuff: Instagram: @CharlieHoupert Instagram: @IamBenAltman

videos

Videos

How To Radiate Confidence Under Pressure

Exercising more frequently. Spending less time on social media. Being kinder to your partner. Standing up for yourself at work.Each of us has many personal changes that we would like to make that we know would make our lives better, and yet we often hold off, unsure of how to take the first steps. Or we try for a little bit but then give up as our regular routines take over.

Making Our Lives Better

Changing behaviours and habits are notoriously difficult! Yet sometimes we are able to make lasting changes and attain our goals – perhaps you have managed it too. So what’s the difference, how do we sometimes achieve successful change – and how can we increase our chances of success next time? The trick lies both in the goals we set, and in how we pursue these goals in our daily lives.

Effective Change

<ul><li>As you think about what to pursue, ask yourself what is personally important to you, and what you can do about it. </li><li>Deciding on a goal is the first step, and writing down or communicating the goal to others is a further step in solidifying your commitment to the goal.</li><li>If your goal feels daunting, break it down into smaller pieces. </li><li>Make those smaller goals specific, measurable and manageable – something you can realistically attain.</li><li>When thinking about your goals, also keep in mind the broader purpose or motivations behind them.</li></ul>

Goal Setting: Going Inside Your Mind

<ul><li>Goals do not need to be huge, life-altering changes.</li><li>Small new behaviours, such as speaking with a friend for 10 minutes a day, going for a walk three times a week or disconnecting from your device 30 minutes before bedtime, can bring a myriad of positive benefits.</li></ul>

Small Goals Are Equally Big

<ul><li>A popular belief that what is needed is willpower.</li><li>Studies show that when people report more effort at resisting temptation, they are less likely to give in.</li><li>Over the longer term, using more self-control or using it more frequently is unrelated to goal progress.</li><li>The main aim would be to reduce the strong desires in the first place.</li><li>Set up your surroundings so that temptations are less tempting.</li><li>Make a specific plan to replace negative behaviours with positive ones.</li><li>Bundle the new desired behaviour with something rewarding, such as watching your favourite TV show while you run on the treadmill.</li></ul>

Achieve What You Want: Tips And Tricks

Achieving your goals has nothing to do with willpower and everything to do with using the right mix of psychological tools

To meet your goals, forget willpower and fill your toolbox | Psyche Ideas

Both become more resilient as they learn how to balance the contradictions required for growth.  Under the soil, the plant needs stable roots. Above, it needs to bend in the wind. It needs sunshine and rain, attention and space. It changes with the seasons. When it outgrows its pot, it needs to move. However, moving a plant should be done carefully. We must prioritise what will help it survive while adapting to its new circumstances.

A Relationship Is Like a Perennial Plant

We must ask what we’re contributing to the existing dynamic, then ask each other the following fundamental questions to become more adaptable. <ul><li>Does this arrangement still work?</li><li>What will help us to thrive during this transition?</li><li>What do we want to take with us from our previous relationship stage?</li><li>What do we want to leave behind?</li><li>What conversations do we need to have?</li><li>How do we redistribute our resources to meet this moment?</li><li>What do we do if we find it difficult to adapt?</li><li>How do we remind each other that we’re in it together?</li></ul>

Becoming More Adaptive

For most of human history, there was little ambiguity about transitioning from one relationship stage to another. Religious and societal rituals made puberty, courting, marriage, pregnancy and death predictable. These days, we are making up the rules in real-time. Modern love means our relationships are constantly developing and leave us expecting more from our romantic relationships. To meet these romantic aspirations, we find that we must confront change constantly. We need to learn how to be open with our partners about what we think and feel and how to manage the differences.

We’re Changing Faster Than Ever Before

Adaptability in couples is about responding to life’s changing circumstances with good communication and a lot of flexibility. Read more about why adaptability is an important element in helping couples navigate the different stages of a relationship.

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Esther Perel's Blog - When Transitioning Between Stages of a Relationship, Practice Adaptability

Getting a job, moving away from your parents, getting married, and having kids-for most of history, with the exception of the 1950s and '60s, people did not become adults in any kind of predictable way.And yet these are still the venerated markers of adulthood today, and when people take too long to acquire them, or eschew them altogether, it becomes a reason to lament that no one is a grown-up.

No One Is Growing Up

Social constructs have real consequences: they determine who is legally responsible for their actions and who is not, what roles people are allowed to assume in society, how people view each other, and how they view themselves.There is either no answer, or a variety of complex and multifaceted answers.One way to measure adulthood might be the maturity of the body. Surely there should be a point at which you stop physically developing when you are officially an "adult" organism?

The Social Constructs On Adulthood

<ul><li>At about age 22 or 23, the brain is pretty much done developing, according to Steinberg, who studies adolescence and brain development.</li><li>Plenty of brain functions are mature before this point, though. The brain's executive functions-logical reasoning, planning, and other high-order thinking-are at "adult levels of maturity by age 16 or so."</li><li>A 16-year-old, on average, should do just as well on a logic test as someone older.</li></ul>

Brain Development

<ul><li>The answer to "when do you become an adult" has to do with when you finally have acceptance of yourself.</li><li>Patients who seem secure through any life struggles are the women who seem like adults.</li><li>They still have a young soul but roll with all the changes, accepting the changes.</li></ul>

Becoming An Adult

<ul><li>Emerging adulthood is a vague, transitory time between adolescence and true adulthood.</li><li>It's so vague that sometimes 25 is the upper boundary, and sometimes 29.</li><li>While adolescence clearly ends at 18, when people typically leave high school and their parents' homes, and are legally recognized as adults, one leaves emerging adulthood... whenever one is ready.</li></ul>

Emerging Adulthood

<ul><li>The late teen years and early 20s are probably the best time to explore.</li><li>Anthony Burrow, an assistant professor of human development at Cornell University, studies the question of whether young adults feel like they have a purpose in life.</li><li>In a study, commitment to a purpose was associated with higher life satisfaction and positive feelings.</li><li>Other research has identified exploration as a step on the path to forming an identity, and people who've committed to an identity are more likely to see themselves as adults</li></ul>

Time To Explore

Personal industry, devotion to something bigger than oneself, part of a historical process, and peers who grow with you all play roles.

<ul><li>Before World War II, it was unusual for the young to achieve the markers of full adult status before their mid- or late twenties.</li><li>The golden age of easy adulthood did not last long.</li><li>Starting in the 1960s, the marriage age began to rise again and secondary education became more and more necessary for a middle-class income.</li><li>Unfortunately, not all of society has caught up, and older generations may not recognize the young as adults without these markers.</li><li>Many young people still want to establish careers, get married, to have kids. but they just don't see them as the defining traits of adulthood.</li></ul>

Adulthood After the War

<ul><li>There's no one path to adulthood</li><li>Circumstances sometimes thrust people into adult roles before they're ready</li><li>Adulthood's responsibilities can definitely be thrust upon you, and if the world is treating someone as an adult before they feel like one, that can be challenging</li><li>A study done by Rachel Sumner found no difference in overall levels of purpose between adults who went to college and adults who didn't, which suggests that a particular privilege isn't necessary for someone to find purpose.</li></ul>

No One Path To Adulthood

In an age when the line between childhood and adulthood is blurrier than ever, what is it that makes people grown up?

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We all know people who seem to attract fun — here’s how you can do it too

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