Let me begin by of course. Begin, by releasing my own fears, as I can. I shall start with, well, here. Here we are. At the beginning. Shall we tumble together down this rabbit hole of madness together? This is my mind, I'm quite familiar with this area. In other words, I've been through this- it seems, many times now...Please, be my guest, to those easily offended, you may turn back now...quit while you are ahead, those fearful;faint of heart, clinging onto life, whom have endured much pain, and are still here with me, let me be your guide through the twisted ramblings..

Chapter 1'ish

Of a mad scientist, a passionate lover many times scorned, a lover of art that has lost the most beautiful of treasures of what has been acquired in my own life, a failure at life this far, a sinner, a cynic, a faithful spiritual guide, one second though, let me be perfectly clear, I am definitely no saint. That is certain. Now it seems, I'll be your personal tour guide through the valley of the shadow of death I continuously dwell in. Have no fear. You can call me Pō. Follow me. I will attempt to do the best I can. I'm right here, right now. This isn't pre recorded or rehearsed. Or edited.

Most everyone's mad here. Aha... HAHAHAHAHA!! You may have noticed that I'm not all there myself.

Were

I'm going to take my time to be as precise at my attempts on letting you in to how it is for myself, living with extreme social anxiety, PTSD, Major depressive disorder, eating disorders, Dehabilitating(?) insomnia, more physical health issues than I honestly want to name, because focusing on them all is what has almost, almost put me six feet under, many times.' I'm honestly fucking "mad". Take that to mean whatever you will. Please bear with me, attempt to have as much faith as you can muster, but don't get your hopes up too high.I am only certainly sure of one thing, that is...

Fly, YOU FOOLS!

That I'm not sure I can do this even without utterly and dejectedly, " fucking this up" also... I'm most likely going to be a huge disappointment. Run, run away! GET OUT OF HERE, RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE AND DONT TURN AROUND! BURN THIS FUCKING THING, DELETE DELETE DELETE!!! AAAHHHHHHHHH!!! RUUUUNNN!!! *Gurgle*... *Gasp *... *Sigh****** Fuck, still here huh? I hope you're still keeping up "Remember to breathe" Right? Chapter .9'ish may continue, if, anyone's willing to give me a reason... To remember that I have to...also, remember to breathe... Made it this far though...░S░a░l░t░y░P░o░h░

Probably Not A Good Idea

I'm still breathing🤙🏽🤙🏻🤙🤙🏼🤙🏾🤙🏿

health

Health

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

mentalhealth

Mental Health

How to Commit Non-Suicide Ch.5

Fire, Unbridled chaos, the flames that cause so much utter ruin, the pressure, the release, can also forge the most indestructible of things. So is life. Those that have felt the most pain can provide empathy's comfort to so many that may also save the lives of so many others. Those that have endured, the strong of will, not those of the highest education, or the ones with the most physical strength, the fastest, most influential, financially endowed, or even the most humorous. For those all have fell to the false temptation of everlasting comfort of sleep, without fear or pain.

Well, This Is It.

Willpower, when mixed with free will. When those two are combined with the decision, to not give up, even through the most dire of situations, those are what we call heroes. As commonly used, all heroes don't weAr capes. Hard times create the strong, the strong create good times, good times create weak people, weak people create hard times, so it continues, indefinitely. True "heroes" are not made through good times. It's the average individual, that have been or will be faced with the decision of letting go of fear, reaching for the courage to forego extreme failure. Reaches for that dig-deep

And in that extremely extraordinary situation. Makes the choice, to endure. It's that release of fear of the future, saying that, what do I fear? I'm going to do it! I'm going to reach way down deep, deeper than the fear of 6 feet down. And valiantly says... FUCK DEATH. I HAVE MY HONOR AND THATS IT. I'LL NEVER NEVER NEVER SURRENDER. I WILL GIVE THIS ALL I HAVE. I WILL CONQUER. I WILL FUCKING MAKE IT. I KNOW I CAN. I FUCKING KNOW IT. And then. Goes pedal to the metal. "FUCK THE TORPEDOES!! FULL MOTHAFUKKIN THROTTLE"" IF I am wrong. I'M Damned. IF IM RIGHT, I'm gonna make it.

Conquerah

Sometimes, the only pull up bar you have to get up, is the invisible one, that's all in your mind. It's that dig-deep. You got this. Be your hero. Be your own gotdamnt hero. There will come a time, where you WILL realize, you are all you got. If you can make it through this. You can really make it through anything. I know it's difficult. Honestly, have you ever felt this dread of failure and doom? Have you? Really? Well, yes or no? If yes, well, then this shouldn't break a fucking sweat.

It's Your Decision

On the other hand, if this is, well, I suppose, your answer could most possibly be no, I've never faced anything this extreme, this traumatic experience, is the most possible worst case scenario I've ever faced. Well, if you can make that decision, and again, that's your own fucking decision, no one else's. You only have one viable option right now. That isn't to give up, it's to reach for that GOTDAMT invisible fucking bar, pull your own damn self up, feel that heart beat, take that breath, feel. Feel that? That's life.

Still Struggling?

No filter. That's heart. That's pain. That's fear of ruin, let that release with that breath, that's anger, take a moment, BREATHE THAT Shit IN. FEEL THAT?! BREATHE THAT SHIT OUT, FEEL THAT?! THAT'S RELEASE, TAKE IT ONE BREATH AT A FUCKING TIME, RELEASE THE FEAR. BUT LET THE PAIN FUEL YOU. NOW MAKE A DAMN CHOICE. GIVE UP, FAIL RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, OR BE A CONQUERA.

No Apologies

Once you are to a point you can endure one fucking breath at a time, well, then before you know it, a whole minute worth of breaths happen, then hours and days, THEN YOU WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE IT A DAY AT A TIME. Then maybe, in time, since time does heal all wounds, if you endure long enough, new memories will replace this one, and if a similar situation ever rears its ugly head for your unknown lengths of foreseeable future...

Time Heals All Wounds

When life knocks you down then- in the future, you can get back up, get that little cocky ass smirk and fucking chuckle, say, "Life, hahahah, you hit like a fucking bitch." That the best u got? I'm my own fucking saviour, IM THE MAIN CHARACTER IN MY OWN FUCKING BOOK!!! REMEMBER THAT LIFE?!?? THIS ISNT SHIT BITCH, LET'S GO. Now, it's time to fucking breathe, and reach for that dig deep.

Breathe Deep

We did it! No fucking way. Still breathing. Keep that shit up. Don't forget! Please! Please don't forget to keep on committing non suicide with me!! You're all I've got!! You got me? Yeah, aight.. Maybe... kk, well.. thanks me... I Guess...You're welcome! WE Got dis. Remember to breathe.

How to Commit Non-Suicide Ch.5

How to commit Non Suicide.

SaltyPoh OG