Mentoring and coaching activities look similar, but the impetus is different. In mentoring relationships, usually the mentee sets the agenda. In a coaching relationship, usually the coach sets the agenda. Coaching also tends to be more formal and more transactional. (People hire coaches, not mentors.)Sponsorship is very different. A sponsor uses their authority and influence to create opportunities and recognition to advance someone’s career.

Mentoring, coaching, or sponsoring?  

One way to think about the distinction is whether there are direct consequences to following or ignoring advice. Mentors advise; coaches assess. This is one reason why people often seek mentors outside the management chain. It’s hard to trust a manager to separate these two roles. Senior individual contributors – while they may also coach – are often better positioned to provide consequence-free advice.Code review is a pervasive example of coaching being confused with mentoring. Code review is part of the job. Every time I review someone’s code, I might find opportunities for teachable moments

Concrete Examples

I’ve found that these conversations fall into three broad categories, ranging from the strategic to the tactical:<ul><li>Goals - figuring out what they really want</li><li>Situations - handling the unfamiliar or difficult</li><li>Skills - getting promoted</li></ul>In all three areas, I think that <a href="https://www.radicalcandor.com/our-approach/">radical candor </a>– caring personally while challenging directly – is essential to effective mentoring. You have to have someone’s best interest in mind and you have to be willing to help them see uncomfortable truths. If that’s not in your personality or you don’t feel that way towards a prospective mentee, then please send them elsewhere

3 Levels Of Mentor Conversations

To help someone understand their goals, ask questions that help them reflect on their current situation, consider potential futures, and chart a course from one to another.In the simplest form, it’s the “where do you see yourself in five years?" question, but that’s a big leap for most people. Instead, probe for how well they understand their current situation . What’s going well? What’s not going well? What about your role do you enjoy the most? What’s most frustrating? If you could change one thing, what would it be and why?

To mentor goals, ask questions

Faced with the question “what should I do?" , tell a personal story instead.First, sharing a related experience reassures a mentee that they’re not alone. Second, they engage the listener’s brain, helping them focus more completely on what they’re being told rather than their own problems. Third, they let a mentee consider a situation through an abstraction – to enable them to see more objectively and consider different perspectives. A story is a teaching tool but you leave the decisions up to them.

To mentor situations, tell stories

Let them take the lead without being prescriptive. You can still be sounding board for their ideas and help them wargame an approach to what they’re dealing with. Even without a story to guide them, having someone in their corner is valuable support.

If You Have No Stories

First, you have to observe the mentee’s activities or output. For coding skills, code review or pair programming would work. For communication skills, sit it on a meeting they expect to actively participate in or watch them practice a presentation. For technical writing, read what they’ve written.The most important thing you can do is provide actionable feedback . This means being specific about your observations of their work. It also means providing direction about what they could have done differently or what they need to learn or practice in order to improve.

To mentor skills, observe them in action

Sometimes, you see someone that you think has potential, but they’re not where they ought to be and they aren’t seeking advice. You could approach them – tell them you think they have potential and offer to mentor them. If your company has a formal mentoring program, you could sign up. If they don’t, you could invite people to come to you. That doesn’t have to be a formal declaration “hey, if anyone wants to work with me as a mentor, let me know ”. It could be as simple as announcing office hours for anyone who wants to talk and seeing what happens.

What if you want to mentor, but people don’t ask?

There’s one take away I’d like you to have: mentoring is about listening. Resist the temptation to offer unsolicited advice. Listen to what they’re asking about. Goals? Situations? Or skills? Then listen (or observe) before sharing your questions, stories, or feedback.If you’ve read this far, you may realize that nothing I’ve said is specific to software engineering. Mentoring is a general skill; your experience makes it industry-specific.

Start with listening.

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Career

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Communication

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Teamwork

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Leadership & Management

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Software Engineering

How to mentor software engineers

Most people hesitate to say hello – or smile – when they see someone unfamiliar. Why do we hesitate to greet a stranger?If you greet a stranger with a smile or a ‘hello’, there’s a 98% chance that she or he will smile back and say hello. Both of you will probably feel better having exchanged smiles. And who knows, it might open a surprise door.But there’s a 2% chance that the person will snub you. Not smile back. Look the other way. Make you feel sheepish. Look stupid even. That’s only a 2% probability of that happening – but the fear of looking stupid, stops us from saying hello, and smiling.

2:98 Rule

And it’s not just about strangers and elevators. It’s about life. Asking for favours, switching jobs, making investments, chasing your dreams. Focus on the 98% probability of things going right. Not the 2% risk of failure. Give yourself the chance to win in the game of life.

When To Apply The Rule

Realizing that fear and possibilities are 2 sides of the same coin. We tend to be risk averse and tend to focus more on fear. This is a reminder to flip the script in our heads. Use the 2:98 rule.

The elevator door opens to let you in. And as you enter the lift, you see an unfamiliar face inside.

How to mentor software engineers

The 2:98 Rule. Which side are you on?

Sekhar Sahu