I wish I was taught the importance of affirmations before and after school lessons to reduce the fear of maths, physics, chemistry, biology, arts, and humanities.I wish I was taught the importance of breathing exercises and how it help to calm anxiety during a class presentation or class test.I wish I was taught the importance of mental health and how not making a priority can cause depression, sadness, anxiety, and eventually suicide.I wish I was taught that the suicide is not attention seeking and that those who struggle with mental health disorders are not monsters or evil people.

I wish I was taught not to discriminate against those struggling with mental health and be a support system.I wish I was taught that rest is just as productive as studying an all night.I wish I was taught to set proper boundaries to protect myself mentally, physically, and spiritually.I wish I was taught that a school grade means less in the outside world, and getting below average doesn’t mean I am a failure or a loser and that I can’t amount to anything.

I wish I was taught to learn to practice self-acceptance, self-love, and self-compassionI wish I was taught that setting boundaries is not selfish. Rather, it is important to maintain peaceful living in the society.I wish I was that that there is absolutely nothing like black, white, asian, latin when it comes to giving help to who needs it. That it’s humanity first.I wish I was taught that I am just as unique as everyone else and no one is better or bigger than the other.

What I Wish I was Taught in School...

Impostor Syndrone is a psychological pattern where high achieving individual doubt his/her accomplishment, coupled with the persistent fear of being seen as fraud despite evidence of profound ability.It encompasses the following characteristics;- Difficulty accepting compliments.- Feeling like fraud or incompetent.- Attributing success to luck or by mistake.- Exaggerating mistakes and emphasizing on weaknesses.- Fear of being discovered. Prefers to remain in the shadows.****For more Mental Health related content, please check out <a href="https://www.instagram.com/the_mindrest?igsh=MTd0MW9ncTN2Zmp5bg==">The Mindrest Company </a>

Self Doubt- Feeling ike FRAUD

- Excessive comparison, praise, and criticism.- Internalized negative self-talk, trauma, fear of failure, and stress.- Social expectations such as the need to be perfect and competitive can foster Impostor Syndrome.- Neurobiological factors, research suggests that Impostor Syndrome may be linked to brain regions involved in emotional processing, self-perception, and social cognition.- Also, the following emotions can trigger Impostor Syndrome: Anxiety, shame, guilt, insecurities, apprehension, embarrassment, humiliation, dread and depression.

Triggering Factor.

- Self Compassion. Believe me, you can never have enough of Self Compassion. - Embrace Your Imperfections. Accept both your weakness and strength. However, focus more on watering your strengths while working towards your weakness. - Challenge Negative Thoughts. Affirmation is the go-to method to critically challenge negative thoughts. Instead of "I'm not good enough" you can consider saying "I'm doing my best, and that's something I should be proud of". - Seek External Support. Sometimes when the above listed doesn't seem to be working, you should seek support from those who love you.

Tips to Aid..

"While self-doubt and self-belief are both natural, it's essential to maintain a higher level of self-belief than self-doubt to achieve success."

"When you know you're ENOUGH! When you stop focusing on all things that you're not. When you stop fussing over perceived flaws. When you remove all imposed and unbelievable expectations on yourself. When you start celebrating yourself more. "

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

mentalhealth

Mental Health

longevity

Longevity

Impostor Syndrome (Self-doubt)

“To be front and honest, I don’t mind remaining in my comfort zone. I feel a lot safer and in control” she said."but for how long?” I asked.***Comfort Zone is an activity, a place, or a person, that we fall back unto (for a period of time) to boost our sense of security and safety, inorder to reduce the risk of stress and anxiety. — The Mindrest.<a href="https://instabio.cc/4032001fjEfD0">The Mindrest Company.</a>

The Comfort Zone.

How is ‘Comfort Zone’ dangerous? The meaning doesn’t even sound scary.Well, the purpose of the comfort zone is to bring peace and serenity in bad times in order to heal, grow, and develop mentally before returning on track. However, a lot of us (if not many of us), including myself, recently abuse it.

Question 1.

Abuse my comfort zone? How can I possibly abuse it? You may think.We abuse our comfort zone when we become obsessed with being comfortable and resisting growth.As humans, we are expected to grow. Just like we don’t remain a particular age forever because, feel comfortable in that age (0–19) and we were really taken care of (provided our needs) by our parents or guardian, unlike now that we are meant to cater for ourselves as adults. Therefore, if we don’t remain at those pampering ages forever, we are not expected to remain in a certain place (stagnant) forever.

Question 2.

Using the bird, for instance, if it chooses to remain in the cage because the owner chooses to feed it daily, and coerced it into thinking that once it is set free, a larger bird will prey on it. It won’t be able to spread it’s wing wide and fly to see how large the world is or even meet it’s kind. If the bird chooses to be comfortable with its captor, all of these will be impossible. Also, it will likely die in that small cage without seeing the world, meeting its kind, and will have no idea that it can fly high.***"Comfort is the enemy of achievement.” – Farrah Gray

Fig. 1

Mostimes, just like the caged bird is coerced into thinking that once it is set free, a larger bird will prey on it, we also might have been brainwashed into thinking that staying in our safe zone will minimize risk. Therefore, we choose to remain in our comfort zone because we fear the risk of uncertainty — change and failure.***“The sooner you step away from your comfort zone you’ll realize that it really wasn’t all that comfortable.” – Eddie Harris, Jr.

Fig. 2

We all want to be wealthy, famous, admired, etc, but we are scared to put our work out there because we fear rejection, and our sight fogged with the ‘what if’ statement (negative thoughts). You can’t possibly become an exceptional writer, a millionaire, famous business tycoon, and so much more by remaining in your comfort zone.So, if you can’t attain all of these by remaining in your comfort zone, why remain there for too long, where growth is unattainable?.***“The comfort zone is nothing else but a graveyard for your dreams & ideas.” – Unknown

Fig. 3

The dangers of remaining in our comfort zone are more than the benefits. This includes;<ul><li>Sleeping on your potentials — You will have no idea of what you are capable of because you don’t know your true self. Also, as a result of that, shut the abilities that perhaps you didn’t even know you possessed, at the end of the day losing them. Staying too long in your comfort zone removes that extraordinary potential from you.</li><li>Comfortablilty breeds Laziness — You will become obsessed with being comfortable because ‘Comfort is simply... Comforting’. You will lose your strength and brawn to work hard.</li></ul>

Dangers of Remaining In ‘Comfort Zone’.

<ul><li>Develop unhealthy habits or addictions — When your fallback activity becomes stress eating or substance abuse, you become addicted to eating wrongfully and badly intakes. At the end of the day, developing health problems or even mental health related issues like social anxiety, reoccurring moodswings, and eating disorders.</li><li>Codependent — When you become too comfortable with a person, to the point of being obsessive, meaning that you cling tightly onto this person. You will find it difficult to recuperate on your own when this person becomes unavailable.</li></ul>

<ul><li>Inability to face challenges — When met with adversity, instead of facing it head-on and challenging the issues, you will craw back to your shell. As a result of that, quitting early on.</li><li>Zero Growth — There is absolutely nothing to learn in your comfort zone. Therefore, if you are not learning, you are not growing. There is saying that goes, ‘like anything in a confined space, you can only grow fitting the walls that surround you’. This means that learning and development ends within the boundaries. Anything beyond that line is unknown to you.</li></ul>

III.

<ul><li>Settling — You embrace crumbs because that is what you are used to. When you fear change and failure, you settle with the little you have attained. “Oh, I am scared of sending out my cv to that big firm, it is far and I don’t like travelling, what if they don’t like me or my criteria doesn’t fit”, someone with a truck load of potentials that earns less than minimum wage a month. This is exactly how comfortable and good you will be at settling. Forgetting that in this life, you have to take risks to make it far.</li></ul>

These are the dangers of remaining too long in your comfort zone. However, it is safe to understand in as much as your comfort zone is great for rejuvenating (psychologically recuperate before returning to more anxiety-inducing and uncertain situations), know when to leave and continue with your life. Don’t get too comfortable. Step out and embrace more activities and experiences.NB: Everyone has a comfort zone to retrace steps and build confidence due to its comforting nature. Sadly, staying for too long isn’t encouraged.<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CZfrq-VKO-f/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=">Check out the mindrest’s support to aid step out of your comfort zone.</a>

Conclusion.

The purpose of an ideal human being is to break boundaries and protocols to expand. This means that, you can’t possibly develop and expand by remaining in your comfort zone. You need to step out.

mindfulness

Mindfulness

The Untold Dangers of Remaining in 'Comfort Zone'.

Do you mean the one who;- The one who has the perfect face and body proportion (through cosmetic surgery and photoediting)?- The one who has a lot of followings on social media (but no one to call "friend" in reality)?- The one with the best family or couple goals pictures and videos on social media (but is brutally abused and behaves like strangers at home)?- The one who has an amazing career on social media (yet is burnt out from excessive shifts and work stress)?- The one who appears to have no real-life issues or problems (yet struggles with health issues and bankruptcy)?

Who is “The Perfect Human”? - I

- The one who appears to be saint, without fault or sin (yet does a lot behind close doors)?Well, if your ideal form of “the perfect human”, is what you see on social media (celebrities or influencers) , then you should know that — we are all imperfect beings. We all have flaws and we all make mistakes.It’s important to recognize that absolutely no one on planet Earth is perfect and without flaws. And if you still insist that there are people who are perfect, you are mistaken.Imperfection is a part of being human, and it’s okay to not be perfect.

Perfection is an illusion, and those who seek perfection will find themselves unfulfilled their whole life.

One may ask, is it possible as a human being to be flawless and without defect?No! Why? that’s because,Being perfect (Perfection) is a mental construct, not a physical reality, as it is based on highly idealized concepts.We allow ourselves to be blinded by supposedly perfect ideals. Therefore, we begin to hate our look, doubt ourselves and emulate an idea that we will never achieve. Perfection is neither natural, nor desirable. And the more we come to terms with the idea, the more relaxed we become.Life is colourful, wild, diverse, unpredictable, and unique - but never perfect.

The Big Question.

Perfection is an illusion because it’s a never-ending pursuit to appear a certain type of way (godlike), which is impossible to attain as it will end up becoming an everlasting and ceaseless cycle of disappointment and self-criticism.***When we strive to be perfect, we become overly critical of ourselves and others. We may even end up becoming jealous or resentful of those who we think already seemed to have achieved perfection, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, indirectly setting ourselves up for fall.

Perfection Is An Illusion.

Because, We Begin To..<ul><li>Compare ourselves with others. In most cases, strangers who barely know of our existence. Because, we think that they have it all figured out.</li><li>Deviate from our journey, focusing on that of others.</li><li>Feel pressed over, failing and mistakes. Thereby, letting anxiety and depression take a toll on us.</li><li>Set unattainable goals and have unrealistic life expectations.</li><li>Develop low self-esteem and other mental health related issues.</li><li>Disconnect from reality and begin to live in fantasy.</li><li>Procrastinate, thereby throwing opportunities to show up authentically due to the need to appear perfect.</li></ul>

How?

In order to do so, we have to;<ol><li>Self Acceptance — Accept your flaws and imperfections.</li><li>Focus on your journey and yours alone.</li><li>Set realistic goals by breaking down overwhelming tasks.</li><li>Practice Self Love and Compassion. Fall in love with the imperfect you.</li><li>Get your eyes of social media. Even if you choose to stay, try not to let them make you think you are not doing enough.</li><li>Gratitude — Celebrate tiny wins and accomplishment.</li><li>Free yourself from the opinion of others. Stop the comparison, it is unhealthy.</li><li>Make peace with the term that perfection is unattainable.</li></ol>

Finding The Balance.

Loving yourself for who you are, being authentic, and appreciating your individuality are aids to leave the web of the dangerous illusion, perfection.Also, understand that we are all flawed in different ways, but it does not make us any less of what we are worth. We must all learn to embrace our individuality and accept our flaws while striving to be the greatest versions of ourselves.Don’t pine for perfection, it’s an illusion that will never come. Instead, learn to make life as fulfilling, honest, and authentically yours as possible.

It’s important to remember that our imperfections make us unique and interesting. They allow us to learn, grow, and connect with others on a deeper level. Embracing our imperfections and accepting ourselves for who we are is a big step towards happiness and fulfillment.<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CpEPhp6qWiI/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=">Curbing Perfectionism.</a>Check out The Mindrest thoughts in “Curbing Perfectionism” on Instagram.The Mindrest Company ©

Perfection is a flawless state where everything is totally right (too good to be true).

health

Health

Perfection (A Dangerous Illusion).


According to the APA Dictionary Of Psychology,"it is a psychological demarcation that protects the integrity of an individual or group or that helps the person or group set realistic limits on participation in a relationship or activity".In essence, it is the mental restrictions (which may or may not be visible) on our emotional, mental and physical actions in order to maintain personal identity, mental health, and physical well-being. So, boundaries are essential to thrive exceptionally and assertively.So, what happens when one is WITHOUT BOUNDARIES?

Boundaries.

- Without boundaries, you will be emotionally abused because your mind will be easily accessible to preys, who will manipulate and gaslight you.- Without boundaries, you will displease yourself — your time, energy, to simply please others, even to the point of exhaustion.- Without boundaries, you will be taken advantage of. "I am a nice person," you will think, "What a foolish person," they will think and say.

- Without boundaries, people will make life decisions for you. You will literally agree to anything, everything, at any time and every time. You will find it difficult to say “NO”, even when it’s against your values or moral.- Without boundaries, you will be coerced into opening up important parts of you even when you don’t feel like doing so.- Without boundaries, you will drown in the valley of low self-esteem.- Without boundaries, you will spend the rest of your life seeking approval and validation from people who don’t care about you or even know you (Netizens).

- Without boundaries, you will be filled with hate ,guilt, and shame — to coin it all up, resentment, because you will feel used. You will get frustrated and begin to hate yourself for being vulnerable, and you will eventually end up behaving passive aggressively.- Without boundaries, you will suck up all trolls, negativity, and destructive criticism all at once. You may even end up reacting badly to them. By developing mental health related issues such as anxiety, depression, moodswings, etc.

- Without boundaries, you will be a scary cat. You will lack assertiveness and will be unable to stand up for yourself because people will constantly violate your rights.- Without boundaries, you will be extremely dependent on people because you allow them to tell you when and how to think, act, and feel.- Without boundaries, you will fall quickly in love with people who give you the barest minimum, because that is what you are used to.- Without boundaries, you will find it difficult to respect other people’s boundaries because you are yet to understand the concept.

- Without boundaries, you will end up being disrespected and the weakest one in the family, friendship, and relationship.- Without boundaries, you will find yourself in toxic situations (even if it had a beautiful beginning) that will, in the end, affect your mental well-being.

Boundaries aren’t just necessary in your personal relationships. You can as well incorporate them in your workplace- when the environment is toxic and you don't want to quit yet, in schools- in the presence of bullies, etc.If you feel you will lose friendships or relationships for setting boundaries, then believe me, those people don’t care about your well-being. Because, boundaries are the foundation of healthy relationships, they foster respect and mutual understanding.Set boundaries and COMMUNICATE it loudly because, if you don’t others will you do it for you and you know what it entails.

Nota Bein.

“Setting boundaries is an act of self-love.”

So a friend asked me, Chimfuu, "Why do you always emphasize setting boundaries?" and I replied, "I always emphasize the need to set boundaries because...."

Without Boundaries.

There’s a brutal truth about life that some people refuse to accept—you have no control over many of the things that happen to you such as;
~ Someone that doesn't want to be with us.
~ What other people think of us.
~ People thoughts and feeling.
~ Grievance or Loss.
~ Life just as it is.
~ The Future.
~ The past.
~ Change.
~ Time. etc
But because, we find it difficult to understand the concept of what is and is not in our control, when we seem to not have everything under 'control' we become irritated and aggressive. Which will in turn, cost us our peace of mind, due to persistent worry and anger.

What Is In Our Control?

Worrying stems from a desire to be in control. Because, we often want to control our environment and the outcome of every situation. Forgetting that, the more we try to control everything around us, the more anxious and angry we will become.Worry indeed is vicious cycle to break — worry, try to gain control, fail, and worry again. Repeat.Then in the end, it will drain us of the mental strength we need to be our best, causing us to develop toxic habits, like Negative self talks, comparison and so on.

Worry.

Fortunately, the goodnews is that instead of worrying over what is not in our control, we can shift our perceptive using this practical steps to take control of our mind and train our brain to think differently.- By developing a realistic sense of control. Identify what is within your control and what isn't by listing them out and think them through. Eg; Time- Can we stop the time? Of course not!. By doing this, we strike a healthy balance of control, understanding that we can choose our own attitude and behavior, but we can’t control many external factors.

The Goodnews,

- Developing our Mental Strength.After we must have balanced sense of control by identifying what is and what is not in our control, the next step is to develop our mental strength to become mentally stronger-- have less tendency to spend our whole time worrying. Because, when we stop worrying about things we can’t control, we will have more time and energy to devote to the things we have control over. And this can be key to reaching your greatest potential.However, to do that, we have to engage in healthy Affirmations, Loving-kindness, and Mindfulness (living in the present moment.

"It is all about what we can control and what we can't, there are some situations we can't change no matter how much work we put in. The better we know this, the more we bring rest to our mind."﻿

FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL NOT WHAT YOU CAN'T.

Hey dear, I hope you don't spend your entire life stressing over things you can't control. Your peace matters more than being just right.

problemsolving

Problem Solving

Our Control

This is when someone (the abuser) intentionally cause disgrace to the victim especially in the midst of crowd, to reduce his or her self worth. Therefore, causing the victim to be engulfed in the wave of shame.According to Wikipedia, Humiliation is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It is an emotion felt by a person whose social status, either by force or willingly, has just decreased. Humiliation is the primary cause of shame which can lead to depression.

Humiliation.

This is when the abuser falsely accuse or assign false responsibility to his or her victim for being the reason behind a bad, unfortunate situation or phenomenon.Blaming is a cognitive distortion which involves assigning guilt or responsibility for how we feel to someone else which in the end, ultimately leads to negative emotional conditions to the victim.

Blaming.

This is when the abuser purposely ignores the victim by refusing to communicate when they (the victim) is trying to communicate, by pretending that they don't or never existed.This behaviour may range from just sulking to malevolent abusive controlling behaviour as it can leave significant psychological and emotional repercussions on the person on the receiving end. Because, being left in silence can be extremely painful and can leave the victims questioning "what really happened?" or "what have I done wrong?".

Silent Treatment.

This is a strategic abusive behaviour, when the abuser restricts the victim from the outside world controlling their social activity, ie. whom they see, whom they talk to, where they go. May also include materials they digest: the books they read, TV shows they watch, music they listen to, food they eat and so on.Thereby, blocking any form of support to the victim inorder to gain total control over them, both physically and mentally.

Isolation.

This is when the abuser tells the victim that he or she is over-reacting or being overly dramatic to a situation thereby making the victim think or feel that the situation seem less important, insignificant, or complex than it really is, therefore is not supposed to react that way.The size of discomfort is proportional to the size of the problem. Here, the abuser makes small and downsize something (especially complaint) which is important to the victim and hence expects them to ignore it. Even when they know the victim have a point but because they don’t want to deal with it, they wave it out.

Trivializing

"Verbal abuse is still abuse. It's abuse in the form of words. Don't assume that a few hurtful words won't cost them their life. Words hurt."

"To deny someone's feelings and experiences to live, is to literally deny their reality."

Now that you've gotten to the end, if you feel you may have or is currently experiencing this, and you might have a strong tendency to believe that what is happening is your fault, I need you to understand that it is not your fault. Also, freeing yourself from someone who is causing you mental abuse is very difficult. You do not have to do it alone. Seek the help of trusted family, friends or a mental health therapist.PRO TIPS- Don’t try to reason with your abuser. They will not magically change unless they want to change and seek professional help. It is not your responsibility.ABUSE IS REAL.

The Abuse Is Not Your Fault or Your Responsibility

Emotional abuse truly makes you think there is something wrong with you. Learn the dynamics of emotional abuse-you may be surprised that you've been experiencing it. PART TWO.

parenting

Parenting

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Abuse & Types. II

Mental abuse is the use of threats, verbal insults, and other more subtle tactics to control a person's way of thinking.This form of abuse is especially disturbing because it is tailored to destroy self-esteem and confidence and undermine a personal sense of reality or competence.Human being are wired in different ways meaning that we think differently as well as behave in distinct character. However there are some, who in a way, choose to toil or exploit another mostly minorities to be a head over them or in some cases, makes them to feel less of themselves to feel better or boost their ego.

What Is Mental abuse?

When the abuser uses degatory and abusive terms verbally, by using sarcasm, belittling language on their victim. And if in a relationship, they'd even use their partner's insecurities against them.These behaviors can create a toxic dynamic within the relationship and can cause long-lasting emotional damage.

Name Calling.

When the abuser makes the other person doubt their understanding of reality, manipulating the victims opinions by projecting their own perceptions, experiences or understanding on the victim in attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind.The most distinctive feature of gaslighting is that it’s not enough for the gaslighter simply to control his victim or have things go his way: It’s essential to him that the victim herself actually come to agree with him.

Gaslighting.

When the abuser makes clear intentions to deliberately inflict pain and harm in a frightening quality or manner to the victim as a consequences in coercion for failing to comply with a given request or demand.

Threatening.

When the abuser intentionally withholds affection and proper care. Instead the abuser gives an inappropriate amount of affection to their victim either by bread crumbing after an extreme series of love bomb or they don't even give any at all.

Withholding  Or Neglect.

This is when the abuser puts the needs of another person (the victim) away, as an irrelevant matter, liking it to a matter unworthy of consideration.

Dismissiveness.

This is when the abuser constantly and continously judges or shares negative opinions on their victims efforts even when they give their best. Belittling the person's performance, behavior, or personality making them feel like they can never do anything right.

Constant Criticism.

PRO TIPS- Incase you are caught up in situations like this, it is important to take note of these characteristics in order to avoid being mentally abused.

Abuse & Types.

There is no satisfaction that can compare with looking back across the years and finding you’ve grown in self-control, judgment, generosity, and unselfishness.Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle. The growth and development of people is the highest calling of leadership. Empathy, humanity and support for each other is more important than revenue, than growth. Growth is uncomfortable; you have to embrace the discomfort if you want to expand.But since we have all chosen this part, may good things never depart from us.

SELF GROWTH

The journey to self improvement, self discovery and self Discipline is indeed a tough one, but we have gone too far to suddenly quit.

Self Improvement 

We suppress our emotion because, we don't want to get hurt, the fear of being vulnerable, labelled a cry baby, defense mechanism, societal expectations etc. Therefore, as a result, we forget that concealing our emotions can have some pretty significant effects on physical and emotional health.Although, this is more common in men than in females, due to the expectations the society has placed on them (A man should be always seen as a tough and hard guy). Forgetting that If they keep hiding their emotions it could get to a stage of being self destructive causing emotional and mental breakdown.

Reason Why...

Concealing our Emotions is rather common at times. In tense or public settings, it may even seem like the best course of action.However, you wind up rejecting your own experience when you keep your emotions to yourself out of concern for other people's opinions. This may appear to be a sensible strategy to steer clear of disagreement and emotional distress, but in the end, it generally backfires.It's not always simple to learn how to communicate emotions honestly, but your loved ones or a therapist can help overcome your fear of the possible repercussions and talk more freely.

Nota Bien.

“If we start being honest about our pain, our anger, and our shortcomings instead of pretending they don’t exist, then maybe we’ll leave the world a better place than we found it.”

What I Wish I was Taught in School...

Impostor Syndrome (Self-doubt)

The Untold Dangers of Remaining in 'Comfort Zone'.

Perfection (A Dangerous Illusion).

Without Boundaries.

Ikeh Chimfurumunanya Favour