Now thinking about it, I had the same attitude even before this stage, at GCSEs. I have one half empty sketchbook from year 9, and many creative projects that I had stopped doing from after year 8.

I am now on the verge of 18, but looking back at 14, 15, 16 ... I didn't make the most of my free time, didn't enjoy studying as I could have, didn't make the most of those years.

Continuing in the same way now would just mean my all my years are just a run up to when I get a job and make a salary. I will begin living my life after the age of, say, 35. Which defeats the purpose of everything.

I am tired of wasting my early life in this way, especially knowing that I'll never get these days back.

Writing this at 1am in the morning, I am determined to stop procrastinating. I'll do the maths notes that I set myself to complete last week, but I'll also follow that art tutorial and start that anime that I wanted to watch. I'll make the most of this time given to me, and make every minute rewarding, whether mentally or academically.

I will stop burning myself out to the point where I procrastinate and force myself to take a big break, but utilise and actually complete my to-do lists.

If you are in a similar situation, I hope this is useful to you as writing it has clarified my thoughts for me.

Overall, there is no point working towards a long term goal if I am not going to enjoy the process and live too, especially if it costs my precious time. The main fault is with my demotivation, mixed priorities and unfit time management, which I will address and try to improve!

Take life slowly and by minute instead of living a rushed and harried day which becomes weeks and then years, like for me.