Marraige relationship

1. Most of the advice online was only best for the relationship of boyfriend and girlfriend(dating). They won't do so much in achieving the goal of marriage like building a peaceful home, keeping the family together, understanding and taking up the roles and responsibilities of husband and wife, and so on.

2. Most of the advice was biased. People online mostly advise to push an agenda. They don't care if their advice will help people or not, as long as it propagates what they want.

For example, a feminist would give marriage advice that pushes the feminist idea than give advice on how to make the marriage work fine for the couples. Hey, I don't have anything against feminists. I just... Okay never mind.

So when I wasn't satisfied with the advice I got online I decided to help myself. Look out for a marriage that's working fine and learn from it. It took me a while to realize what I was looking for was right under my nose.

My family has never come close to being broken. And In 23yrs of my life, I've never heard or seen my parents argue or fight. So far, their relationship has been an amazing joy ride. Not that they didn't have some marriage issues in the past, they did. But they stuck together, fight it, and overcame it. Since then, they've been enjoying every bit of their marriage.

So all I needed to do was to study my parent's marriage relationship, see why it's working fine for them, and learn from it.

And from what I've learned so far, I'll give you three tips to make your marriage work fine.

1. Know the kind of person your partner is.

Knowing your partner is necessary, especially before marriage. Because it shows you a clear picture of what the marriage will be like. It answers questions like;

Am I safe with this person? Will this person give me peace? Is this person worthy of my life commitment? Does this person even love and respect me? Can I achieve my goal of marriage with this person? Will getting married to this person help me achieve my life dreams? Am I okay with living the rest of my life with this kind of person? Will the marriage be fun-filled?

Can I and this person coexist peacefully? And so on

The answers to these questions will give you a clear picture of what the marriage will be like. And then you can choose if that's the kind of marriage you want or not.

However, some people get it wrong. When you ask them if they know their partner, they say yes. Then they start talking about their partner's best colors, favorite place to go, shoe size, dream job, what they like to have for dinner, where they'd like to travel to, etc.

Knowing all these about them doesn't mean you know the kind of person they are, it only means that you have information about them.

Knowing someone you want to marry should go beyond having information about them. You should be able to define the kind of person they are. You should know their character, their emotional and mental state, their life goals, their view of life, their background, their values, etc.

And sometimes you think you know your partner well enough to get married to them. But soon after marriage, they become an entirely different person to you. And you'd be like "This is not the person I married". Yea that's exactly the person you married. What happened was that you relied on what they show you as who they are. You didn't take your time to study them and figure out who they are on your own. Don't accept what people present to you as who they are, see them from your perspective, and don't doubt what you see.

2. Your home's(family) well-being should always be your first priority.

Your home's well-being has to do with the happiness, health, safety, prosperity, and financial provisions of your family. This strengthens the love, peace, happiness, and togetherness among the members of the family, which puts the family in positive social, mental, and emotional condition. And This is what a marriage needs to be beautiful and last forever.

The primary goal of a marriage is to start a loving family and build a peaceful and happy home with the person you love, and be happy, peaceful, respected, loved, and feel safe in that home. But this can't be achieved if the family's well-being is not in place. And if it's not achieved then the marriage isn't working fine. Most times, that's even the reason for divorce. If someone can't find happiness, peace and doesn't feel safe in a marriage, they leave that marriage.

Why should your family's well-being always be your first priority?

Because if it's not you might fail in your duty to take care of the family's wellbeing.

How do you take care of your family's well-being?

By nurturing the family and providing for the needs of the family. It should be shared as a responsibility between you and your partner.

In my family and in most of Africa where I'm from, the wife/mother nurtures the family. She cooks the family's meals, makes sure the house is in order, gets the children ready for school, etc. While the husband/father provides for the family's needs and wants. He's responsible to pay all the family's bills.

Although, I feel the father and mother can take up any of the responsibilities. But if we are defining it as roles, the mother should ensure the home is well nurtured and the father should work his butt off to make sure the family doesn't lack their needs and wants.

Women are making it clear that they can't perform their roles as mothers and wives because of their careers. There's absolutely nothing wrong with loving your career and taking it seriously.

But if your career won't allow you to carry out your role as a mother and a wife, it will negatively affect your family's well-being. So my advice is, don't get married or start a family if your career will not allow you to be there for your family.

3. Keep building your home till your last breath.

When you finally have the happy and peaceful home you've always wanted. Don't ever stop investing in your home. The moment you stop building your home, it's likely to fall apart.

So don't ever stop trying to know your partner more and don't ever stop putting your family's well-being ahead of every other thing. This way, your marriage will work fine.

This is how it is in my family. My parents took their time to know each other before their marriage and they won't put anything above their family's well-being. And this is what makes their marriage beautiful and what makes their family happy and peaceful as it is.

I wish everyone a happy married life...