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Not all opinions are important, we can’t make everyone happy
We’ve been taught to value other people’s opinions more highly than our own. So we develop the habit of worrying more about how others see us than how we see ourselves. This results in a culture where people try to please others to be liked but are ultimately unfulfilled since they do not like themselves.
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We can’t make everyone happy. It’s a straight-up fact!
We have to understand that everyone’s perspective of us, and society is unique and subjective. So, while they may be correct about something due to the narrative in their head, it may be completely incorrect for us.
Someone may be having a bad day at work or a bad week at home; these are beyond our control and, most likely, not known to us. While these factors may influence how they react to us, they have nothing to do with us. But, we take everything personally. When a friend snaps at us, we question ourselves. “Did I do anything wrong?” “Did I bother him/her at an inappropriate time?”
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“The pressure that women feel to be people-pleasers is very real. … Young girls are told to be quiet and pleasant, to be orientated toward others, to not speak up for what they want, and to please others. These gender-based stereotypes are continuously reinforced in our society in a manner that distinctly disadvantages women
DR. TEYHOU SMYTH
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For People Pleasers
We stretch ourselves too far in order to please people and ‘adjust’ in society, we miss the thin boundary we had.
We’re left wondering, “How much did I alter for society?” “What kind of progress did I create for myself?” “Am I still the same person?”
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Consequences
Our desire to be liked can keep us from doing things that are important to us because we will be preoccupied with weighing what others think and what they may say.
We won’t be able to try new things because we’ll worry about what people will think if we’re not good at them. All of this will only increase the pressure and worry related to living up to expectations.
Eventually, it will prevent us from discovering our true selves.
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There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be liked by people.
Our basic social and emotional requirements include that desire. So what do we do?
- Embrace disagreement — It’s normal for people to disagree, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a good thing because we all have unique life experiences that shape our perspectives.
- Realize that other people’s opinions are not our concern. They reflect a person’s mindset. So, if we have a positive friend, they are likely to have positive thoughts and perspectives of the world. Similarly, angry people have more negative opinions and perceptions. And we cannot control what they think.
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